should i give it to him?

last SG · 2004-11-07T14:48:15+00:00

You are in a dammed if you do, dammed if you don't situation. But once he dapat, he'll consider you cheap. If you don't want, then say "No". If he can't taha...

beige SG

i'm having this big big problem with my bf...

both of us just turned 20 tis year and never have sex before... (meaning:both of us are still virgins). all along he has been telling me frankly that he wants sex. but i always decline, saying i'm not ready yet. though he respects my wishes, i know he can't really resist the urge. this is esp when he's in NS and he got buddies who are already very experienced. at the one point in time, he even considered seriously breaking up with me cos i won't give him sex. yes, just plainly for this reason ( Rolling Eyes ). well... anw he later didn't.

anw he suggested an overseas trip together... but i'm deliberating whether to go... on one hand, i wanna go together with him to enjoy a break but on the other hand, i know if i do go, there's a very very high possibility that i will lose my virginity.

it's like, though i do love my bf, i still don't have the emotional security to actually to give my virginity to him. maybe also partly cos i'm brought up in a conservative family.

i just wanna go on a nice overseas hol with him, enjoy ourselves, but not to that extent. isn't tis possible? i talked to him about this... he didn't say much. but he did make plainly his stand about what may happen. kinda stress me out...

hmm so is tis my prob, my bf's prob or a non-issue altogether?

i'm also considering whether it's worth it to hold on with him... but just can't bear to break it off...... it's not that i'm not going to do it with him altogether. but i need time... and maybe alot of time...... i'm just not prepared yet.

sighz. i dunno how to put the message across to him manz. Sad

or shd i just convince myself to give it to him?

i don't want to regret whatever decision which i make in the end.

Lord Kang SG

If u really don't want..He also got no choice..He can't force u to do things that u don't want..That can be considered rape..And if he use break up to force u to have sex with him..That shows that he is not a good bf to be with..This type of thing should be done willingly then can really enjoy it..Don't give urself too much stress over it..Just go on the holiday with him..Take this time to understand him more and know what sort of person he is..Maybe things will just come naturally..U never know right??

usck SG

like only want to bonk u. after bonking until sian, i sure he will find other gers

dibilo SG

i think if you are not ready then dun have sex lor.. if he love you then he should understand this…tell him maybe you guys can engage in some intimate activities but leave sex till after marriage.

SnowFlag SG

Whether ur bf is a virgin, it is hard to know since u r not him.
This oversea trip may well be his plan to make u lose your virginity. Confused

MeoW_MeoW SG

if he truly loves you, he should not use sex as an excuse to break up with you... do not do anything you are not ready for... good luck Wink

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MeoW MeoW MeoW MeoW MeoW MeoW MeoW MeoW

SnowFlag SG

if u done it once with bf, he will probably ask for more. In time to come, it will be few times per week. Your relationship with him will be more of a sexual relationship, than it is of now.

After a period of time, ur bf will most probably to look for other gf to try. When sucessfully, he will break up with you.

This is what is happening to many relationships when sex comes in before marriage.

dumbdumb! SG

if he is willing to break up with you because you are determined to keep yourself and himself pure. then he’s seriously not worth it.

'm back SG

being conservative do not mean that u have to be so stiff and 'old-fashion' in thoughts. however, open minded do not mean that u need to have se x to prove ur love. giv it a thought. u posted this means that u know what is right and what is not wise to do.

...oh before i sign off, can i have ur bf contact...see if he got mother or sisters or friends or not i do the same to them and maybe one day ur bf will hav a tase=te of his own medicine. Mr. Green

cheer up

weidev SG

if he wans 2 break wif u juz cos u dun gif him sex, den he is nt worth it… love isn’t bout sex… it is enjoying one’s company, understanding one another, and the ability to look at one another and juz enjoy the wonderful sight…

Camellias4me SG

since u can't decide for urself.. stick to a safer answer. Smile
Say "No" ... u wun regret it.

Yunhaier SG

Technically speaking, if you are having confusion about having sex with him, then as a rule by default - don't. Its not about the question of love nor anything (as a healthy good BGR relationship could also incorporate sex into the picture) - the problem is about the emotional aspects that comes with the act. Love is about empathy and feelings: to ease one's desire at emotional expense of the other, is none of the two qualities mentioned and in fact, its more lust than the act of love.

As long as a portion of you don't feel at ease - drop the idea. It's not so much about the V question - its about respecting one's decision, which boils down to personal understanding of their partner.

Like when your partner value soccer more than his life and you completely dread it, thinking what so fun about 20 odd people chasing one dumb ball - would he force you to watch with him, despite KNOWING that you simply dread it?

Or if you are a devout buddhist and he a faithful christian, would you force him to burn incense and pray?

P.S: Personal understanding of partner is crucial. Remember sex cannot deliver stress (in fact, it de-stress to certain extend), however if it does, avoid placing yourself in such situations. You are simply not emotional in tune and prepared, yet. Idea

Cheers

ntu slacker SG

i rarely post online... but now i feel seriously compelled to say this:

this kind of boyfriend... u can even call him a boyfriend??? just think? what would your really good male friends do to you? do they even have fantasies/designs on having sex with you? much less your boyfriend?

girl, keep yourself for the man who truly loves you. keep yourself for him or else you will SURELY regret one day. whats this bullshit about having sex to prove your love for him or he'll break?

very simple, girl, maybe u can ask youself honestly does he do anything to prove his love for you?

im sorry for this... outburst... but i got ZERO tolerance for this kind of guy... what our society is nowadays.....

think carefully... its not just virginity... its YOUR ONLY NATURAL GIFT to your future husband: the man who will honor and love u all his life...

its your call. u have heard all of us. do have a serious talk to him abt your values and principles.. tell him what your reasons are... if he TRULY loves and HONORS you, he will smile and say he respects your stand. just my 2 cents. maybe he's not thinking right for just a min...

and remember try not to go on a trip overseas alone. play safe!

the.raven SG

wear titannium underwear with password locked

Camellias4me SG

haha.. later forget password den jialat liao.. cannot change.. hahaa
gal.. wan protect urself? carry a pair of scissors... *snips* Shocked

ntu slacker SG

reminds me of the windows xp advertisment Laughing

and remember to encrypt the password using 128-bit encryption... and leave the key at home.

have a nice holiday brute forcing the password.

Xcert SG

Its his problem.

Just tell him U are not prepared to give him.

if U need to convince yourself...its already a sign that U shouldnt...

cornyfish2000 SG

Originally posted by beige:
...at the one point in time, he even considered seriously breaking up with me cos i won't give him sex. yes, just plainly for this reason ( Rolling Eyes )...
[/b]

I think it's time you ask yourself what you mean to him.. does he really love you for who you are or does he regard you as merely a means to satisfy him sexually? There're lots of selfish guys around with the view (gf=sex) and who dun give a rat's ass to their gf's feelings and needs. From what i see, many couples just stop becoming lovey-dovey anymore after sex has entered the relationship, and its always the girl who has to bear the psychological and physical aftereffects into their next relationship after both parties call it quits.

You DO NOT need sex for love and intimacy in the relationship.

And please don't be fooled by all the deprived army boy crap.. If that were true i would have died long ago and not have survived ns and 4 years of study afterwards with my gf. If he can't even handle his sexual urges now, how sure can you be of his faithfulness to you when he meets other girls outside???

I'm pretty sure that overseas trip is no more than an excuse for him to get an opportunity to corner you alone in a hotel room in a foreign land.. so pls think thrice!

Personally if i were you, i'd have ditched that guy manz.. Evil or Very Mad

FeowFeow SG

Dear Beige,

I'm sorree if this sounds harsh. But if he actually has the cheek to consider breaking up wif u simply cosh u refuse to haf sex wif him, it shows the extent of his rgd for u, & how much he respects u.

Dun let him wear u down, otherwise there's a chance u might despise urself later. There's No shame in wanting to remain a virgin, ev. body has a choice.

On a lighter note, go on this vacation & enjoy urself, but bring some pepper in tiny bottles Razz If he tries to force u into sex, throw the pepper rite up his nose Razz

FeowFeow

deathscythe99 SG

Hmmm, I guess if he really insists against ur wishes, you should state it plain to him that you aint ready, and you definitely HAVE to have a stand....I mean, if you aint ready, it is tantamount to rape since he is doing it on an unwilling party....yeap. If he refuses to accept your decision, then I guess it's meaningless to continue...right?

Anyway, enjoy the hols Smile