Yes it can take quite a long time to recover. recovery depend on
how much you gave of yourself to him emotionally and physically.
unfortunately the more you give before marriage especially
physically the harder it is to move on.
The amount of time it takes also depends on how much time and
effort you had spent processing and working through and digest what
had happened in your heart and mind. If all you had done is just
ignored the pain that will slow you down somewhat. From what I
gathered, it appears that you had entered in to your current
relationship quite soon after the break?? This has the disadvantage
that you didnt have the time to process the pain left behind. Like
all relatonship pains you will have to deal with it sooner or
later. there is often no hiding. (so guys/gals try to give yourself
a couple of months to recover before going into the next one bec
you dont want to have to deal with the pain in the middle of a good
relationship)
having said the above, the most damaging aspect of what had
happened to you is the fact that it appears that your hurt comes
from feeling betrayed. you felt betrayed bec he choose someone else
and didnt keep his promise (???) to you.
Broken promises and breach of trust hurts the most. bec not
only do you have to deal with the trust issue, his action of
choosing someone else makes you unconsciously or consciously feel
that you are not as attractive or as worth it as the other girl.
yourself worth is accordingly damaged. That is why 2 timing or 3rd
party intrusion or adultery are so damaging to the one cheated
on!
Now that you have discovered that you have this unresolved hurt,
the first thing to do is to come to terms with it. you will need to
deal with some of these issues if they apply to you
1) YOU will have to persuade your heart to start
seeing him in cold day light that he is not as wonderful as
you had made him out to be. Yes he was nice and may
actually be a nice person but in your heart you have given him the
status as if he can do no wrong. That will hinder you from seeing
him as he is and releasing him
2) consciously start letting go of memories, even memories
that you had treasured yes they were sweet but you cannot
really keep them without exploding. so when something comes to you
mind, tell yourself, I let this part go... you will struggle, you
may even cry and refused bec it seem like so much a part of you but
you have to let the memories go.
3) put aside all the stuffs that he gave you, do it all at the same
time, dont put one thing awya then next thing tomorrow etc. that
will increase your pain. box everything up, either return
them or throw them away or keep them in some corner out of your
sight. dont go to them anymore for the next many many
months or even years. the day will come when you see the item and
you will not have that pain
4) forget and forgive your ex for the betrayal that you
feel. This will be hard but you can do it. you will feel
angry or even sad but whatever it is tell yourself he is not worth
your time anymore and his promises were empty bec by his
action he had proved them to be empty promises. At this
time dont start justifying for him about maybe he did this or that
bec.... or you had done this or that to push him away... etc...
whatever it is dont try and justify his actions for
him! you learn from your own actions if you had been
selfish, you change. if you drove him away, you change but dont say
yea I did this so I deserve it. change your ways and you will never
need to feel as if you deserve it etc.
5) focus on what you have today, enjoy your current bf's attention.
tell yourself that what you have now is real. spend the
time and energy to build up your existing relationship and inject
energy and fun and make it memorable. Memorable doesnt mean SEX. It means having a complete
understanding of the other person's heart and
mind!. I agree with what M said
so focus on the present and take this time to heal yourself. you
dont want to ignore this and put your future relationship in to
trouble.
take care
