sorry to hear about what you went through. the painful bits
caused by all the unfulfilled promises, promises of a future and of
things to come, things that you looked forward to... apart from
other reasons this is one of the reason why it hurts so bad... all
the promises.
How long it takes really depends on how much you have given of
yourself and how much you have expected out of the relationship
that you had. The amount of time you guys spent together also have
a bearing on how long it takes to heal.
For serious relationships, it can afew years to completely get over
a relationship. sorry I'm not kidding. But that does not mean that
you actually need so much time to heal... NO! how fast you heal
will depend on what you actually do to help the healing.
But during this period it DOES NOT mean that you are incapable of
forming new relationships. Its just that until you heal, you will
to a greater or lesser extent continue to feel the little tingle of
hurt in your heart but it will fade with time.
Its not really productive to talk about forgetting someone... it
more like dont think about someone and when you do, you dont
experience that little pain in your heart. That is real
healing.
So what can you do to help yourself heal in the meantime... giving
yourself time and dont rush the "forgeting" part... time will do it
for you when you purposely choose not to think about him. when now
and then he pops in, its ok thats normal... just gently push it
out.. bit by bit you wil think of that person less.
Next, talk to someone, ventilate your pain and frustrations and
disappointment about the promises and hopes that you had and now
dashed... talk these things out... get the emotions out of your
heart and head then after that analyse it and learn from your
relationship if there is anything to learn about loving and giving
and about knowing THE TRUTH about a person PROPERLY.
Often when we grieve, we dont see the proper and complete
picture... we tend to idolise the guy/girl and still cannot see the
wrong tht the person did or that we are all ready to forgive etc...
you need to vent your emotions first before your head can absorb
and after your head has absorbed the truth, bit by bit your emotion
will start feeling different.
it has always been your head that controls your emotions...
how you think will dictate how you feel! and love is also the same... you think love
you feel love!
(That is why when anyone wants to talk sense into a hurting
person... first thing to do is not to talk sense but let the person
vent all the emotions otherwise he will never see the sense bec the
emotion is blocking the mind.)
So while you are doing the above, in the mean time, go out,
circulate, make new friends. But please dont try and get into a new
relationship so soon. A new relationship cannot help heal the old
hurts infact it will make it worse.
jumping from one relationship to another is very damaging to
yourself. of course it feels good to be wanted but guess what,
sooner or later, the old hurts/problems from the last relationship
will surface and guess what ... the new relationship will also
start (like every relationship) have prolbems and you end up having
to deal with 2 sets of problems!! This is why getting into a
relationship to try try see if it works is a very expensive way to
find out if you guys are compatiable.
It takes time to clear the baggages from the last relationship
anywhere 6months 1 year to 2 or even more years. But what is most
important is that you clear the baggage.
Let me give you an example that I think will sound really familar
to alot of people reading this thread... new guy does something
that irritates you, but this is the first time he has done this
thing so he doesnt know that it irritates you... but you over react
and you feel inside... why is it always like this... or why is he
always doing this.. or you simply blow your top more than the
situation would normally deserve! why is that?? Thats bec the
irritation left behind by the ex hasnt cleared like a computer
cache or buffer.. the irritation has built up so it takes very
little to cause you to blow... that is one simple example of not
clearing your inside of the last relationshp before going into the
next one.
take care
