Hey... you're not alone. Ever since i started my poly life, i
adopted the same lifestyle as you. Not that i wanted it, i was
forced into solitude and doing things by myself. A good thing out
of it was that i've learnt to be more independent, though not
really 100% yet. At least a step forward is taken in this
direction. At times, i still hesitant to go out alone, but if i am
outside already, i will just "jalan-jalan" alone. Else, i must have
a place in mind then i will go out alone. Haha, fear of being seen
as a loner? Maybe lor. After all, first impression always counts.
But, i slowly and trying to peel away the thick layers of pride.
Well, life is short yar?
I am a person who likes to chill out with people(if possible
like-minded) who are fun, spontaneous and considerate. People who
like to talk out issues, not just superficial crapping and making a
fool out of themselves, who dont everything just heck care and
considerate by making the effort to be punctual and not take others
for granted. Such are some of the qualities i look for in a friend
or friends. Unfortunately, few i have met. Alot of you might be
thinking that i should not ask so much with me not being a perfect
being. But personally i feel these are not very difficult. I do not
request that friend to be rich or influential, just have simple
common sense and sensitivity to people around them. I dare to say
that i do take conscious effort in displaying the qualities above,
such as dressing right for the occassion(some frens who just cant
be bothered to dress right, often you going out with them feeling
funny),being punctual for meetings/outings, following them to get
stuff when they ask me, but the reverse always happens towards
me.
I have tried to compromise alot in terms of being more easy going
and accomodating( trying to take interest in what they do), but it
was never a two way thing. Also, had frens always using each other
for selfish ambitions. Finally, had enough of it, decided to do my
own thing. However, sometimes i do wish for company to share and
pursue like-minded interests(eg:soccer,music..etc). Oh well, i have
seen quite a fair number of people out there who are pretty
superficial in treating relationships, thus i rather not search for
company, and let it by God's will? Hehe.
All i wanted to say is that you are not alone, and there are
probably many others out there like us. Heh. Well, heading to the
army soon. Another chapter, another phase.
cheers
