Hi.
Nowadays, I find that I'm always in a dilemma -- that is, I always
feel that personal free time is very scarce and needs to be
fully-utilized, but yet I've trouble finding and deciding what
exactly to do in order to convince myself that it is time
well-spent and making myself happy and satisfied.
You see there is a strange contradiction here. On one side, I feel
that there is not enough time for myself. Yet on the other side, it
seems that I'm bored and doesn't know what to do, and usually
people only feels bored when they have too much free time on their
hand, which I feel I've too little instead.
For example on weekends, sometimes I feel like going out for a
movie or window shopping in some shopping mall. But after visiting
a few different malls, I feel that all the malls are the same,
selling more or less the same things, with the same outlets and
nothing new to see or get excited so I suddenly will feel I've
wasted my precious weekend personal time. A movie usually will take
up 2 hours or so, and counting in travelling time to the theatre,
purchasing tickets and some lag time for waiting etc., at least 4
hours would be gone, and if go out with friends, more time is spent
on socializing and having meals and the whole day is gone just like
that.
So now, not that I'm anti-social and doesn't like friends. But
feels that the time for myself has become zero and usually won't
invite friends out. And I feel that Singapore doesn't seem to have
anything new or exciting to offer. Everyone seems to be doing the
same thing and living the same kind of life. I'm even comtemplating
finding opportunity to go abroad and live for a while so that I can
experience new things and perhaps come back with fresh perspectives
on everything.
Currently, I've become a drifter, studying and working hard on
weekdays but aimlessly letting life goes by on weekends. And I feel
I've lost control over what I want to do in life. While studying
and busy with projects and assignments, I feel that what I'm doing
is not for myself, but to satisfy the whimsical academic fetish of
some professors (I'm currently in university).
Do you think I seriously need to see a psychiatrist or speak to a
counselling officer?
