how?

red_tide24 SG · 2004-08-03T23:15:07+00:00

Finally u said something sensible..

red_tide24 SG

i noe this girl online recently.. has been chatting with her online for a few mths.. den when we meet i find her quite cute and i can relate to her v well.. we've been going out on 5 occasions and those r v happy dates.. we r getting closer closer.. on the last date, we hold hands, hug each other.. like wat a couple will do..(haven reached the kissing level) but the thing is we r not a couple yet.. i dun noe whether to ask her to be my gf...

u can call me a bastard or wat.. but the thing is whenever i'm with her.. she reminds me of my ex u noe.. i'm not sure if i'm actually in love with her or merely making her a sub for my ex..she is a nice girl..i dun wan to cheat her la.. den another dere is something wierd abt this girl which turns me off completely.. dere's a lot of food dat she can't eat (stomach prob).. she can't eat hawker food, food court food, fast food.. whenver we go out, we hv to spend at least half an hour b4 we can buy sth dat she can eat.. v ma fan leh.. i like to eat fried food n chilli a lot.. and she'll scold me when i eat dat.. so dat turns me off completely..

i wan to stop seeing her..i dun wan to cheat her feelings..but i'm worried if i avoid her she'll be hurt..any comments?

Patrik SG

Rolling Eyes
Very selfish...u only care abt urself..
Tsk tsk

Kennerve SG

Eh.. You hold hands and hug each other but haven got attached... Question In my point of view, you are definately not ready to be in a relationship with her. My ex was a pure vegetarian.. When go orchard.. Imagine we need to hunt for vegetarian food.. At least your girl is having stomach problems.. Think abt her stomach lar.. You don wan her go hospital hor.. She scold you with a reason.. not because she wants to.

parn SG

Hmm...I'm sure this gal is really somebody you should say goodbye to asap for your own good. She is not even your girlfriend yet and is already starting to violate your freedom.

Anyway, do what you think will make you happier. She is not your girlfriend and you don't have to worry about her feelings if you choose to ignore/avoid her.

And by the way, don't go and anyhow hold people's hand and hug them even if they allow you to do so. If you don't like her, don't do it. Make up your mind and tell her what you feel and get it over with. In that way, even if she has to feel hurt by you...the damage will be minimum.

BrUtUs SG

then dun b wif her lor… u wun b happy wif her like tat…

gerrykoh SG

Just dating only lah, don't get so worried cos u are not in a relationship.
This is the time u are finding out about each other- your likes & dislikes.

If u don't think u can get along with her, then don't go out anymore. I'm sure she won't feel too devastated cos u only just started.

kaobeikaobu SG

Face it red_tide24, no matter when or how you break it her, she will still hurt. Tell her asap or you will hurt her even more if you drag it further. Don't avoid her, that's a total cowardly and irresponsible act.

on tenterhooks SG

hey, each day you hesitate to tell her....she falls deeper you know?

the deeper she falls, the more hurt she'll get when you tell her.

Oh pls, juz tell her asap, dude! Confused

on tenterhooks SG

pai seh..double post

SunRisE SG

You are not ready in this relationship.. you know what's your problem.. but however you still bang your head into it.. you treated her well.. she allowed you to hug and hold hands with her.. that goes to show that she had fallen for you.. And if you really dun like her.. don't ever do such things to her.. you make her misunderstand the whole situation.. she may think that you do like her too.. that;s why you are doin all these...

She scold for eating too much fried stuffs and chilli is be cos.. she experienced it herself.. it for your health sake.. and yet you find her a nuisance.. she jus being concern.. she dun wan you to end up like her.. stomach problem.. then like what you said.. have to find food for long time in order can eat.. you think she enjoy it? she got no choice.. try to understand her.. if such litlle things you cannot understand and share her pain together.. hwo the earth are you goin to be together for long?

She has fallen too deep wach day.. if you think you ain't suitable for her.. tell her please.. end this misery.. however.. she definitely get hurt in one way or another.. if you take your time to consider this n that.. this will worsen everyday too... You both can get along well.. but not in a r/s yet.. You still cannot forget your ex.. and somehow or rather.. you may treat her like your ex.. unconsicously.. anyway.. if you both really get together.. this won't last long too.. there's too many things that you aren't satisfied even before you start this r/s..

How much have you understand her.. you met her online.. went out only 5 times.. what makes you think she'll be the girl.. jus be cos you both click well and that's it?? I rather you keep this as a friendship.. any other than that.. move slowly.. this is too rush for anything..

Think about it, pal.. Let her go if you had to!

Cheers.. Wink

Devil1976 SG

Whatever you've decided to do, be EXTRA SENSITIVE to her feelings...

But it's good of you to think in terms of the possible complications that might come in for this 'relationship' in the future... Being too optimestic and / or realistic sometimes might not be a good thing...

Qitai SG

Wah! All so self-rightous one.

I say it is no harm continuing the relatioship if you are not sure. Give yourself and others a chance. But don't promise anything or ever go into sexual relatioship. You don't want to hurt anyone.

If necessary, make it clear to the other party that you are unsure and see how she takes it. This way, if things don't work out, she will not be hurted. And if she decides to leave you when you say you are not sure, then she is just probably trying to grab a person, any person.

The decision to be together should be a decision made by both parties. And one should not rush into a relationship. Get to know each other better. Know what you like and dislike about that person. And decide if you can live with those dislike for the rest of your life.

Don't wait for the perfect person. Too many people are doing that. They either end up single all their life or end up marrying someone who appear to be perfect only to find out all the flaws later.

Magnus SG

U think between your legs first, and not with your brains.

U have took advantage of her and now wanted to dump her.

Yeah, u can call yourself a bastard.

Yunhaier SG

That is one huge problem with online dating. Your impression begins FROM imagination cum fantasy and when you do meet her - you don't automatically fall for the real her. In fact, some portion of this fantasy lingers and you THINK that you truely like the person. (However, if she turn out to be something extremely different from your mental expectation, I truely doubt you would fall for her even if she has the same personality as one you fall for online - this is not being superficial, rather psychologically, if you even plan to advance such relationship further before the meet up, the barrier from the mind will hinder you greatly)

And when you do know the real her, reality will alter your online impression and accumulates negative points because we are all not perfect in some ways or another.

Seriously, don't dream of having a relationship with someone virtually first before you thought of being a friend. The mind usually lags and couldn't process the speed your emotions runs.

Remain friends since she seemed unsuitable - you led her, therefore don't expect the best of both world solution now. If you have to do the explaination... do it. Idea

Cheers

amuletgurl SG

Neutral Neutral Neutral Neutral

p|p| SG

Originally posted by red_tide24:

i wan to stop seeing her..i dun wan to cheat her feelings..but i'm worried if i avoid her she'll be hurt..any comments?[/b]

what u r doing now is the right thing. since u cant accept her for those things which u haf mention its better to end this thing earlier... maybe u shld try to explain to her nicely... den she might accept it for ur good... maybe she might b hurt but i think its inevitable too...

ShrodingersCat SG

1.you got check with her if she wants to be attached at all or not?
maybe she also just want to have the type of 'couple' feeling with you
but don't want to be attached leh? cannot assume wor.

2. aiyah. girls when not familiar with the guy but find him attractive always 'pretend pretend' one lah. I dont know what's the problem why so many girls become 'delicate and weak' in the 'getting to know you' part of the relationship. Maybe when get to know her better liao, you realise actually she also like to eat a lot Mr. Green

3. Oh yeah. Though judging from her tell you dont eat this dont eat that - i think this girl already think you are her boyfriend. Good luck to you. she sounds like the type who'll nag you to death in order to show her affection.

5. So doesn't mean cannot carry on. YOu dont have special feelings for her now, doesn't mean later wont have. BUT i do agree you have to make things clear to her.

7. But chances are, women lah, will try harder to 'hold on' to you when you tell them you are 'not sure'. probably fastest way to get a woman to volunteer to have sex - emotional blackmail. Dastardly, but it works.

11. So, ultimately, the question is - how big an A********* do you want to be? Wink

sgboy2004 SG

just intro her to Croco... she will never be heart-broken Very Happy

woodRat SG

abut funni leh.. not yet together, hold hand liaO le..haha.. but if u canot ta han hw she scold u for eating.. etc.. tink u can forget it de la.. even if u all together.. u will still canot take it de.. might as well dun waste ur time n her time.. thats wat i think la.. Razz

red_tide24 SG

hi all.. thanks for replying.. ya.. i really regret holding hands n hugging her all dat.. i really shldn't hv done dat.. i tink dat gave her a wrong impression. but actually wat happened dat day is becos we went to watch NDP preview.. den when leaving, there are so many ppl.. so i hold on to her hands juz in case we got seperated or wat..

i tink i muz stop being so close to her.. but i dun wanna lose her as a fren.. ya i shld clarify with her dat i dun wanna get into a r/s so soon.. i need more time to get to understand her better.. before going into a r/s...