caused a break-up.. =(

MovieGirl SG

I've just caused a couple to break-up. Sad I didn't realise I've become a third party! I'm quite a good friend with this girl, who has this boyfriend, whom I know too. well, I kind of like this girl (I'm a girl too by the way), but all I wanted was just FRIENDSHIP. I just want to be her friend, & she knows it too. You can call me a lesbian or whatever, but I seriously am NOT attracted to her cos of any physical reasons. I'm just attracted to her personality. Anyway, they broke up, & the boyfriend told her, it's cos of ME. He thinks we're having a relationship, but we aren't!!! I can't explain personally to him, cos it would only make the situation worse. She tried explaning to him already, but he said she is denying. Sigh, what a weird reason for a couple to break-up, cos of a girl who is involved with the girlfriend. But my friend is DEFINITELY NOT a lesbian, shouldn't he know best? I don't get it! Sad

ditzy SG

I think your best bet is to try to stay out of thier noses for awhile, eventually the truth will come to light. Play it safe.

MovieGirl SG

ditzy, i've always tried to stay out of their world, trying not to get involved with them, in fear of something like this happening. Sigh, & it happened, how ridiculous. I can't make myself stay away from her at this moment too, it would be unfair to us. We didn't do anything wrong! Why must I lose this friend? [/b]

ditzy SG

Originally posted by MovieGirl:
[b]ditzy, i've always tried to stay out of their world, trying not to get involved with them, in fear of something like this happening. Sigh, & it happened, how ridiculous. I can't make myself stay away from her at this moment too, it would be unfair to us. We didn't do anything wrong! Why must I lose this friend? [/b][/b]

You're not going to lose anybody, but at this point of time, everyone's feeling emotional and all sorts. Its time to cool. Let it blow down before picking up the pieces. Slow and steady, in no time, everything will be just fine.

Yunhaier SG

When explanation fails; most of the time, it's the body language that speaks otherwise. You already said that your friend is NOT a lesbian and its a weird reason to break up - have you ever realise that you trying to get close to her is a weird reason as well? In his mentality, there is no smoke without fire.

There are two reasons why a break-up was initiated:

I) Helpless and ruin ego - a competition between among man could be easy plotted and win. To share his girl with another girl... and changes other variables affects the man's ego, rational and decision making skills. He would rather give it up for he doesn't know how to handle them.

II) He probably wanted to leave the relationship; this is an excuse used to shake her off.

You have to do the explanation to him privately. Since this is a misunderstanding - say your piece or you will be forever condemned. Explain your actual reason regarding your good friend.

Cheers

MovieGirl SG

Yunhaier, I know I've tried getting close to her in the sense that I message her alot, I am willing to do anything for her, as long as she asks me to. But as I've said, I'm only treating her as a friend, & I've never wanted anything more than that. I've told him this before, & he even told me he admired my spirit, oh well. He told her, he knows she has many friends, but why is she treating me so much better than the rest of her friends? I don't think she's treating me any differently. All I know is she's trying to show appreciation, having done so much for her. He is really giving it up, sigh, & blaming the failure of their relationship on her, what the hell.
Regarding the second reason, I'm not too sure, but they quarrel very often, so often that sometimes I feel, it's a blessing for her to leave him. But, she loves him alot, it would cause her great misery, just like NOW. sigh.
I don't think it's possible for me to explain still. He would just be "entertaining" me, he would sound convinced after I've explained, but inside him, he would still be blaming it on me & her. Worse still, he might confront her, thinking that she has told me alot about them.

Yunhaier SG

Originally posted by MovieGirl:
[b]Yunhaier, I know I've tried getting close to her in the sense that I message her alot, I am willing to do anything for her, as long as she asks me to. But as I've said, I'm only treating her as a friend, & I've never wanted anything more than that. I've told him this before, & he even told me he admired my spirit, oh well. He told her, he knows she has many friends, but why is she treating me so much better than the rest of her friends? I don't think she's treating me any differently. All I know is she's trying to show appreciation, having done so much for her. He is really giving it up, sigh, & blaming the failure of their relationship on her, what the hell.
Regarding the second reason, I'm not too sure, but they quarrel very often, so often that sometimes I feel, it's a blessing for her to leave him. But, she loves him alot, it would cause her great misery, just like NOW. sigh.
I don't think it's possible for me to explain still. He would just be "entertaining" me, he would sound convinced after I've explained, but inside him, he would still be blaming it on me & her. Worse still, he might confront her, thinking that she has told me alot about them.[/b]

I told you; its a ruined ego. A guy that refuses to accept a girl being closer to his gf than him (1st reason) and in addition to constant conflicts - he probably made use of that excuse to leave the relationship so as to implant the blame elsewhere for the reason of this failing relationship.

P.S: If you are clear conscious about your intention, then forget and ignore him.

Cheers

MovieGirl SG

Yunhaier, sigh, I really wonder if it really could be the reason you've said. But I certainly don't think I'm closer to her than he does. What makes him think so? Anyway, it's really heart-wrenching to see my friend in misery, and she still wants him back. She knows I feel guilty, and have made me promise her that I won't blame myself. Sigh, though I've promised, I still can't help feeling really guilty at times, though I didn't want them to break-up, I don't mean it! Sad

motdedog SG

Hm..

Sounds like my case. I'm a guy btw.

Maybe I could share something on the male viewpoint, hope it helps..
Same scenario.. my significant other was pretty darn good friends with this other gal.. talked a lot, smsed, went out.. no difference there.
Till the extent of neglecting me. It got on my nerves.

No matter what how how understanding the guy is, there will always be a little green horned monster hiding in all our hearts, guy or girl. Seeing someone close spend time *closely?* with another can be a loose handhold. All it takes could be one bad incident, then every small incident following will add fuel to the flames.

Originally posted by Yunhaier:
I told you; its a ruined ego. A guy that refuses to accept a girl being closer to his gf than him (1st reason) and in addition to constant conflicts - he probably made use of that excuse to leave the relationship so as to implant the blame elsewhere for the reason of this failing relationship.

I can't agree more. I too was a victim of the ego busting. Embarassed A bruised ego is okay. Licking his own wounds is okay. But using this as a basis for a clean break is bull. If this really is the case (however you may have deduced this), no point fretting over him.
Forget and Forgive if necessary.

Let's say you decide to give him the benefit of doubt, or he simply is just too devastated over this "getting too close to my gal" thing. Get your friend to be the middleman, if you ever need to send an apology/clarification to him? If that's not possible, due to any reason at all, pluck your guts and make the speech yourself.

Originally posted by MovieGirl:
Sigh, though I've promised, I still can't help feeling really guilty at times, though I didn't want them to break-up, I don't mean it! Crying or Very sad

There are 2 ways of healing a guilty heart..
Forget the issue or Remedy the problem
Hope whatever i said helps.. Pardon any irrelevant references or opinions..
Good luck.. and God bless~

p.s I'm still with my gf.. we straightened out problems with good long talks about it, opening up about feelings and thoughts.. helped my to view the issue without those green eyes. Confused frankness(sp?) is the key..

MovieGirl SG

motdedog, my friend didn't neglect him I guess, only he felt that she's treating me far better than she treats him, which is bullshit. Isn't it ridiculous to be jealous over a girl?? That's what I feel, since me & my friend can NEVER be together! So why get so anxious over it?
As for my guilt, I guess I'll just have to keep telling myself, I'm innocent, I did nothing more than being her friend, & what's wrong with that?
I admit we might have "flirted" a little, for example, she will say I'm her "part-time girlfriend" etc, but that was to cheer me up, cos I was in a terrible mood. We both know she doesn't mean it. He doesn't know?

motdedog SG

MovieGirl, you have no idea how familiar what you're saying is to me..

Was a victim of..

Isn't it ridiculous to be jealous over a girl?? That's what I feel, since me & my friend can NEVER be together! So why get so anxious over it?

Embarassed

Simple logic tells anyone that a straight girl and a straight girl will be, at most, really close "sisters". The human hearts says otherwise.. Some people are much more emotional than others. (read: easily upset/touched/angered/fill in your own) This paired with his upbringing, whatever it may be, could have sparked this issue..

Taking myself for example, I spent my secondary school years in an all-boys school. Too was a reserved kid, didn't go out with friends who in turn go out with other friends (gals) from other schools (all girl, mixed). lack of exposure, I mean, led me to viewing this closeness between the two involved girls in my situation as something unacceptable, not in my head (logically), but in a quiet corner of my heart (emotionally).

Maybe that guy's like me? I dunno.. But now i understand. Maybe he will too in time... Surprised

gerrykoh SG

I guess he is also insecure, doesn’t want to share his gf with someone.

MovieGirl SG

motdedog, well I guess this guy really feels the same as you do right now. Rolling Eyes just hope things will turn out well for them eventually. I should really be careful now, not to let him know about anything between me & my friend I guess, or maybe I shouldn't be so often in contact with her.

MovieGirl SG

gerrykoh, insecure? I guess that's quite true too. Why isn't he trusting his girlfriend? Sigh.

Devil1976 SG

Cool

motdedog SG

Originally posted by MovieGirl:
motdedog, well I guess this guy really feels the same as you do right now. Rolling Eyes just hope things will turn out well for them eventually. I should really be careful now, not to let him know about anything between me & my friend I guess, or maybe I shouldn't be so often in contact with her. [/b]

That's not really a good idea MovieGirl. Why compromise on your friendship just to remedy a misunderstanding? Things just need clearing up, no need for abstinence, nor avoidance..

parn SG

Her boyfriend doesn't love her anymore and is using you as the excuse/reason to break up with her.

This entire matter has nothing to do with you, so you do not have to feel bad about it. Some Guys are like that. Evil or Very Mad

Her boyfriend should be getting or going after a new girlfriend soon if he uses this stunt... Rolling Eyes

MovieGirl SG

motdedog, I know it's not a good idea, I don't like that idea too, cos I really cherish this friendship, I don't want her to be someone who just walks in & out of my life JUST LIKE THAT. Not worth it. Moreover I've put in alot of effort into this friendship. She treasures this friendship too. =) I'm glad. But still, I shall stay low, try not to get into them anymore, cos it seems like they've patched up, phew. I'm really afraid of stirring things again.

MovieGirl SG

parn, I don't know if he loves her still, it seems like he still does. Just kind of give up hope on her, which I don't understand why. Sigh. If he's really using me as a break-up reason, ha, how bad of him. But I don't think so still. He is really affected about us getting "too close" I guess. I really don't know where he gets this "too close" idea from. Anyway, they've patched up, hopefully things go well for them. Very Happy

strawberry lush SG

good to hear that both of them manage to talk things out and patch up. But i feel that you shouldn't 'throw away' this friendship as well. Hope you will work out with your friend too.

Hmm... that guy is really a high maintenance guy.