long distance relationships - anyone been in one?

last SG · 2004-04-15T11:53:19+00:00

Hi all. I was reading this thread and Aargon's situation really reflects mine! Well my situation: I went to Switzerland on student exchange, and I was thin...

Aargon SG

Hi all,

I would like to hear from anyone who has been in, or currently are in, a long distance relationship. I was wondering if you could comment on how difficult has it been and what you do to keep the relationship going?

I am in a long distance relationship with a japanese girl and want to know what I need to do to make it work.

What worries me about our relationship is not just the distance, but also the cultural differences we have. I cant speak any japanese and our relationship is based only on her ability to speak english (which is only at basic level).

I know that communication is the most important thing in a relationship and it worries me that this thing we have going isnt going to make it.

Anyones thoughts and opinions welcomed.

^sylvia^ SG

hard to understand her without proper communications..
im sure you know about this right?

well, body language lor Laughing

Aargon SG

We have been in a relationship togeather for one year now. she has visited me here once and I have gone to japan twice to see her.
shes planning to come here in six months time for another visit but I am wondering whether this relationship is doomed because of both the cultural differences and the distance problem. She wants to quit her job to come here to be with me but I think that represents such a big commitment and I'm not ready for her to do that....

When are together we are inseparatable but when distance becomes a barrier i start having doubts again.....

^sylvia^ SG

believe in your faith big kor kor.
isn't that much better when shes making such a big commitment to you? it represents you stands a big place in her heart right?
and i guess shes trying very hard to get to understand you, so communication isn't a big problem for both of you now.
cultural differences makes no big deal if both of you willing to have some knowledge in it.
guess you can buy some English books for her to learn to speak more fluently, as for you you could try to borrow some books regarding to japan whatever to improve your knowledge

and thats it.. you will be a loving couple without any big gaps occuring hee
jia you jia you!! Very Happy

ditzy SG

Currently in one. Its very hard to maintain. But so far so good. Went thru quite alot of rough patches and I mean a lot. Smile

tany SG

start learning jap NOW. also go borrow some books to learn about their culture, festivals etc… jap have a lot of this type of things.

^sylvia^ SG

And, communication is impt but not most impt thing in your case, its the faith and trust!

trust yourself and have a trust in her.. shes trying so hard, why don't you start taking some actions to it rather than worrying

shifeng SG

ya.. learn some japanese… go for some lessons, will be much better if u know how to speak, can impress her parents.. well, when it comes to true love, distance doesnt matter… cos the hearts are close enuff..

^sylvia^ SG

well spoken.. wooo hoooo~ Mr. Green

Aargon SG

Yeah i meet her parents when i was last in japan. They couldnt speak a word of english so she was like a translator. They were really nice to my surprise....

The worry is also that i am not sure if I love her... I mean we really dont even know each other very well yet shes prepared to quit her job to come here? its such a big commitment to make and I will feel repsonsible for her.... I just dont know her well enough to want her to do this.

I dont believe in love at first sight and think that true love has to grow and develop. If it all goes wrong then what happens?? she is 24 and i am nearly 30 and i think she has long term plans ie marriage but i'm not ready to consider than yet although i realise that my time clock is ticking.

I know with japanese girls that they want to marry by the time they are 25 so that is also playing on my mind.... ie is it love or convenience?

shifeng SG

well, shes doing all those things becos of wat? think abt it.. only u shd know whats her attitude towards u... love is a v strong things, it if u are deeply in love with some1, u wouldnt mind giving up anything for it (of course mayb not every1 think this way)..

what she had done for u, shows that she loves u very much and wants to be with u... u shd feel fortunate to have such lady doing tat for u... of course if u love some1, u would like to spend more time with him/her... but like what i said, her attitude towards u, only u can feel it... we cant.. if u feel that she is very sincere towards u... go ahead.. time and tide wait for no man.. u are 30 already, shd know that time pass v quick, just a blink of the eyes, 10 years gone...

^sylvia^ SG

big kor kor, you wouldn't post this and seek for help if you don't love her..
well i can only say, think before taking action, don't waste her time lor.. to jap girls, marriage at young is very impt, maybe you should tell her that you don't plan to marry her so soon as she thought, ask her give you some time to understand her more lor..

i think lidat will work out for both of you and so you will not have to stress or over worrying liow.
responsible for your partner is very impt, and shes so young only.. wah kaoz. a few years older than me nia..

either tell her that you don't have such early plans about marriage or tell her that you don't love her lor

very catchy problem Crying or Very sad

shifeng SG

hmm.. personally i feel that the right age to marry is 25 or 26.. not too old and young... having kids will be ard 29 years old... in between 3 yrs of building love for each other.. Mr. Green

my dream is to marry my love 1 on a cruise... hehe Very Happy

^sylvia^ SG

wow.. sooo romantic.. for me i wish to wear my bridegown and sit on a beautiful cool bike with my groom riding me and some bikes escorting! heeee!! Mr. Green

Aargon SG

she love me? thats what i dont understand.

We have been in this relationship for just under a year now and during this time, we have actually only been togeather in total 5 weeks.

How can you be in love with someone from only being with them for a total of 5 weeks? I'm worried its not really love but more a fixation
with me.

I have to admit when we are together she shows nothing by total attention to me. she asked me to stay at her house when i was visiting her in japan (i declined because I hadnt met her parents and it was just too uncomfortable), and she has introduced me to all her friends and shown photos to them of me. When I am with her I do feel very comfortable and complete.... I'm just scared we havent been through enough to even consider her coming here to live.

She has asked me what I planned to get married. I said not for another 2 years and she said the same for her too. BUT, by quitting her job and coming here that's practically married already... and plus I know that she will miss japan because she was actually home sick when she visited me here....

shifeng SG

oh... 5 weeks ah.. well thats kind of little, perhaps she feels its little too, and thats why shes coming over to spend more time with u?
shes so sweet... perhaps when she came over, u can spend more time with her... but as wat u said she will miss japan, so mayb u shd do something in return for her? like mayb 6 months in singapore, 6 months in japan? of course travelling expenses will be high though...

if there is some1 doing such a sweet things to me.. i will appreciate her and cherish her very greatly.. nvr let her go... Embarassed

^sylvia^ SG

5 weeks can actually produce deep love for each other. thats girl's deep feelings. we are sensitive creatures and guys should know about this

and staying together doesn't means your married okay...
my bf and i staying together for 3 years plus and we doesn't consider us as married couples.

don't like that la.. you know you love her too right?
why not starting out early rather than thinking unduly and come out with nothing?

shifeng SG

hehe... ya its my dream.. then night time can view the stars with my love 1... cos i really love the galaxies... well, but its a dream mayb.. lol

hope ur dream of ur groom riding bike with u comes true.. Mr. Green

^sylvia^ SG

yeah.. i agree.. and you may go to jap with her when she miss home right?

like travelling isn't uncommon nowadays .. love her and do something for her.

my parents were long distance couple too.. now still together right. my dad nv regret about this too,, well i dunoe about my mum Rolling Eyes

^sylvia^ SG

thanks.. i do hope your will come true too..
we will ride till night.. to somewhere gazing stars..
till latenight.. and keep the memories deep in our heart.. isn't that good?