Hi,
I know its probably difficult at the moment to think straight as to
what to do but one of the better thing to do at this moment is to
just try and cool down so that you can get your emotions and mind
straight again. otherwise, the guilt and all the different and
conflicting advise floating in your head will only cause you to
become more confused and not know what to do, how to think and
consequently how to feel.
It is only natural to feel guilty since that is a reactive
protective mechanism that each and everyone is given and born with.
It is normal. The issue for you is to decide what to do with how
you feel.
Destructive way to handle guilt is to let it simmer and eat you up.
The better way is to use this powerful emotion to change your
behaviour and learn from it and not repeat the mistake that you
made.
Yes you do have some soul searching to do but at
this juncture, there is little point getting into the "you are to
be blamed" or "takes 2 hand to clap" game etc. Sure everyone makes
mistakes but more importantly after a mistake, of course you will
feel horrible and lousy etc but instead of staying there, use that
feeling as the basis and determine in your mind what you do not
want to repeat. That is what this guilt mechanism is for! you can
use it as a tool. So use it properly, it can be used to make us
just a little better as a human being. By using this powerful tool
properly, you can avoid hurting youself and hurt those you love in
the future bec it will alter your thinking and behaviour for the
better.
As to the whys you got into the situations, well only you can tell
and analyse what went on, it may be as some had suggested that in a
momentary lapse you had let your guard down and allowed the desire
for sex/intimacy to carry you through and only to wake up after it
is done. That happens. This is why so many people often regret
after that. But many just let guilt eat them up until they become
numb and not take an active determined selfwilled step to change
their thinking and behaviour. So they continue to perpetuate the
problem and feel guilty until they are so numb that it becomes
"normal"! Its just like alcohol or tobacco tolerence etc... the
more you drink the less it affects you.
But on the other hand, if you think that you may have been drugged
then you would want to reassess what your next course of action
would be.
Do you know what went on? Are you conscious of what actually went
on? The problem is that if you had engaged in heavy petting
willingly then to go further, it is just another step in the
process, something that is usually natural (probably something that
you are used to already with him) so the mental and emotional
barrier would not be as high since its the next step. But if you
had not consented to him having sex with you, then he has violated
you even if you had engaged in heavy petting.
So if "you didnt know what happened until he penertrated you" meant
that you had not anticipated having full intercourse but had been
willing to pet with him, then you need to determine in your own
mind what happened, whether you crossed the boundary automatically
like before and only woke up to it when he penertrated you or that
he had just taken advantage of the situation. If it is the latter,
he has violated you. That is the same principle in law that got
Shangkar Aiya-ed.
if you didnt willingly engaged in petting etc and only realised as
in woken up to it and actually noticed that he is having sexual
intercourse with you, then he has violated you!!!
As to why a guy will have sex or not have sex with you and your
desire for him etc, that is another thing altogether, may be you
should focus on your current state of mind first and clear out the
doubts and guilts and analyse what happened first before you go on.
otherwise, you will be too muddle headed and confused emotionally
to be able to handle anything else ahead.
Take care
franzx
