let me tell you a story, but pls be patient with me.. it's
rather long winded :
there was once a 20 yr old ger, she was young and pretty. one day,
she met a man. well.. it was love at first sight... they went out
together... and soon they were a couple... everything was so
beautiful and fine. both did not have a job then.. the ger loves
this guy so much.. so much so she was willing to give everything up
for him. she moved in with the guy, deserting her family and
friends. the guy was possessive, does not allow the ger to have any
friends.. the ger being so naive... listened and obeyed. they
stayed in rented room for the next 3 years. during those 3 yrs,
sometimes there were quarrels.. sometimes the guy will hit the ger.
he is very bad tempered at times... the ger has keep encouraging
the guy to find a proper job, but it doesn't seem to get into the
guy. he is just too lazy. he simply rather get by each day on the
income from the ger's giving private tuition. the ger earns quite a
bit from tuition each month, about 1200. So the days becomes
years... no matter how the ger encourages, it just failed to make
the guy work.
but the ger loves him so much, at the end of 3rd year.. she married
him... that didn't mark the end of the troubles.. that didn't make
the guy determined to change his way of life.. he continued to laze
at home, watch tv... goes to pub, drink like hell.. hang out with
friends... Noone really knows about him. He was a mystery to his
friends. His friends wondered why is he so rich coz he has money
even though he doesn't work. little do they know that he got all
his money from the ger. the ger worked very hard, and she was happy
to see him happy. that was naive of her.. but still love is
blind..
all these continued till the 5th yr of their relationship, one day,
the guy disappeared along with all his belongings. the ger was
devasted. she has built her world around him. he was everything to
her. she had nothing, no friends, no family. and he was her only
kin. he just left like that, without a word. she was hurt. she felt
as if she was dying. she waited and waited for his call, in
vain.
one night, 2 weeks after his disappearance, she cried and cried.
noone could help, not even the sos helpline. the pain was tearing
her apart. she couldn't take it at last, she cut her wrists. blood
flows.. she felt so relieved. her landlord was the first to
discover that and sent her to hospital. she survived.
it wasn't easy, it really wasn't. the pain won't go away. her whole
mind was filled with thoughts of him. where did he go? where is he
now? what happened to him? why does he do that? why did he leave?
she was going crazy. she needed someone to talk to. so she chatted
with someone that night. a stranger. it has been a while since she
last chatted with anyone. she has shut herself up too long. it was
a great chat. it did help her to relax and not think so much. so
every night, she chatted with the same stranger and that continued
for a month. the chats really made her forget the pain for some
time, though when she's alone, the thots would come back again. it
is not easy to forget. how to forget such hurt.
the stranger became her good friend, then her bf. she felt so happy
with him. she almost forget her husband. until one day, he called
to apologise and he came home to see her for awhile. she cried so
much. she still loves him but everything has changed. he asked a
big sum of money from her, citing that he got into trouble for the
past year which he was missing. she, without thinking, passed him
that money. he disappeared again with the money. this time, she has
found support emotionally in her bf. she was not as helpless as
before. though she know that she won't ever see that money again,
but she also learned not to trust her husband anymore. her husband
called once a month, never did return any of the money, never did
come home even. His whereabouts, and what he does outside, noone
really knows. His parents were so disappointed with him.
Anyway, the relationship of the ger and her bf continues, she felt
so comfortable with him. maybe she finds love in him. He's very
loving, very caring. This is what she needs most. She has come to
realise that it is more fortunate to be loved then to love someone.
Her bf loves her very much. But she was at a lost. She started to
doubt whether was she seeking someone for comfort or did she really
love him... but one thing she was sure.. she definitely was very
happy when she's with him.
they could talk about anything under the sun, they were best of
friends, and are getting along very well indeed as a couple. Her bf
brings her along to every of his family's functions and dinners.
Her bf just wants her to be with him all the time. Her bf did not
deny the fact that she is married. He made everyone around him
accepted her. He really loves her. But she was still married.
She knew she was wrong. She can't have 2 guys at the same time. She
needed to make a decision soon. Or rather she already had, but her
husband was away from home. She took another half a year to be
certain of her decision. And she informed her husband that she
wanted a divorce. She couldn't live with this man anymore. He
abuses, he deserts, he disappoints. She has given him all the
patience he needed, all the care he needed, all the love he needed,
but he still chooses to desert even though he said he loves her so
deeply. Are words enough? He was a liar from the start, he lies
about everything to everyone. He lies to his parents about what he
does, he lies to his friends that he is rich... he lies to his wife
about what he does outside... his whole life was made up by him. He
created his life to be a big lie, and he chooses to continue to
live in that lie. who can tolerate that?
She felt she deserved someone better. She felt that she has done
enough. She loves him so much, but he let her down. Now that she
was giving up, her husband came back to tell her he still want the
relationship. Isn't it too late? She can't turn back anymore. For
the past one and the half years of his disappearance, she has
almost died. She has shut herself away from everything, she has
suffered enough, slogging each day to pay his debts. She has never
loved someone this much before, she has never felt such deep hurt
before. She was never so determined to end this marriage, until her
bf made her realise what is real love. He made her realised that
she has been living in a fairytale for too long, it's time to get
out.
She has moved to live with her bf and his family, and are planning
for marriage after her divorce. She is filing for divorce in april
next year. She is happy now, so contented being with a person who
is responsible and down-to-earth. He loves her more than anything,
and he just simply enjoys doing everything with her. it has been
about 1.5 yrs into the relationship and this means that the husband
has deserted her for a whole 2 years. time really flies
huh...
thinking back, was she wrong in straying? was she in the wrong that
she didn't wait for her husband to come back? was she wrong that
she had a bf when she had a husband? was she wrong at all?
was she wrong in pursuing love that she desired? was she wrong in
making the decision to leave her husband? was she wrong not to give
her husband another chance?
can anyone comment?
