blame game

the Bear SG

how do you address someone who takes upon themselves "problems and cares" which are non-existent then blames you for putting it on them?

something like: it's no one's fault.. you didn't understand and he could not communicate properly to you..

becomes: you're saying its my fault because i cannot understand him.. he had better learn how to communicate properly.. how dare you put the burden of understanding on me?

and suddenly, from no one's fault becomes a "burden for her to bear" and "fault of him and you"?

what gives?

is the person reading too much into things said which are not there? or what?

bjork SG

Because woman hve open awareness, they're more easily overwhelmed by the needs of others.
Just as a man becomes absorded in one problem, a woman becomes overwrought by a multitude of the problems.
When it happens to a woman, she temporarily loses her ability to prioritize, which leads to more overwhelm. She feels overly responsible.
A man feels that he is being blamed for her unhappiness or that he is being blames for the upset feeling she is in. He defends himself by making her wrong for being so overwhelmed, judgeing her as 'making a big deal out of nothing'

the Bear SG

here's the thing.. it was nothing.. nothing at all...

a misread or badly written line..

maybe it's the difference between men and women?

oh, the question remains.. the guy never blamed anyone... yet the woman insists on taking the non-existent burden upon herself, then blaming the man for putting it on her...

the guy is lost.. saying there was no burden, yet somehow, the woman insists and then turns around and tells him to stop burdening her further... when again, there wasn't any to start with...

what gives?

oh, i use him and her because i see this happening in those specific genders.. the opposite or similar genders have seen the same things happen too...

bjork SG

Ultimately, its not just communication that makes relationship works.
Communication is but a vehicle through which we can understand each other. How man times have u aruged with someone you loved, and then found out later it was all just a misunderstanding?
One of the common problems in relationships is that after we get to know someone, we have a strong tendency to believe that the meaning we give to their words & gestures are accurate.
We misunderstands their intended meaning. We jump to the wrong conclusions..

bjork SG

'we' means either female or male. Neutral

Devil1976 SG

Some people are just like that, and it can be part of a person's nature. Regarding what actions you should take or how you should react, I think it really depends on who the person is and what's the person's relationship with you?

Personally... I usually try to ignore or not to entertain these nonsense unless it's really pissing me off....?

Parka SG

I think I posted a similar topic before.

Maybe I'm straying off the point but I want to say something.

All those who play the blame game ain't gonna win anything. Apparently something went wrong and the first reaction is to point fingers.

Is there anything as pathetic as that?

The focus should be on solving the problem or amending anything that went wrong instead of blaming.

the Bear SG

there was no blame to be assigned, no problems that can be solved.. yet some people take it upon themselves to "carry the burden"..

and start throwing blame around..

why??

Devil1976 SG

Different point of view...?

Parka SG

To make themselves feel better, also thinking that others would feel better.