Originally posted by X-men:
[b]Clarification first, Its not my relationship problem
cause I have got no BG relationship to give me
problem.
Last night at about 11.30pm got a call from a guy friend who needed
a listening ear as his gf has just ended their 3year 9month
relationship. I ended up lending my ears for 2.5 hours
Im so
sleepy today. 
Anyway, heres his story:
Hes 30 and Shes 22 this year.
Reason she gave for the break up, life style different.
They met at a karaoke joint few years back. He has not have any gf
for 7 years until he met her.
She is wild in nature, cheonging most of the time while he is a
homely person who has already planned for their future. When to buy
house, when to ROM, when to hold wedding dinner etc all have been
planned. Joint account has reached an amazing figure of 10+k. It
all looks like they will be heading for the red carpet till last
Saturday.
Anyway, things happened on last Wednesday, he caught her with
another guy. She claims that the guy was not the 3rd party as they
are long time friends and they have not started anything
. Yet. But
she is happy when go cheonging with this particular guy. That night
when he caught her, he saw the guy putting his arms around her
when in a cab on her way home. She insisted that she has not done
any dui bu qi him things.
The reason she gave was that he was not able to company her to her
weeknights cheong sessions. She felt so left out when she told her
friends that she has got a lao gong yet most of them have not seen
him BUT the nature of his job does not allow him to have late
nights on weekdays.
He is willing to change but she refused to let him change because
she have tried to change to a homely person for him and she find it
painful, maybe due to her age and unsettle nature.
He is not willing to let this relationship go because he has made
up his mind that SHE will be the one. He accepted her everything
(including the abortions she had, her outings with other guys) and
willing to spend the rest of his life with her. He wanted her to
give him another chance to work out their difference but she is not
willing to do so.
Actually I also dont know how to advise him. He wanted to chase
her back no matter what as he cant let her go, as mentioned, she
is the FINAL one. To me, once a gal change their heart its VERY
difficult to make them change back.
Told him that be it the issue of 3rd part or not, their age
difference is still a major concern unless they can come to a
compromise to suit each others life styles. If a relationship is
strong without any cracks, no 3rd party will be able to get in. I
believe she is planning to let go of this relationship way before
this guy appears. Its just that he happened to appeared at the
right time.
Lastly I told him to go for his oversea assignment trip on
Wednesday and (he told me that he have arranged to meet her on the
eve of his birthday (the day hes coming back)) talk to her to see
if she has started off with that guy when they meet up.
If yes, then let her go, stay in contact. Who know, maybe when she
wants to settle down, she will think of him.
If no, then if he wanted to win her back, by all means try.
I wish him luck.
What do you guys think? Does he stand a chance? Personally I dont
think so.
This is a based on a TRUE story
.
[/b]
Even though love is blind, he can't always delude
himself using this excuse and blame it on the predicament he is in.
(Not saying consciously he is doing it, rather subconsciously
bah)
Met at Karaoke joint - I am not discriminating, however if he wish
to settle down with a girlfriend as if marrying a wife - that would
be one of the last few places you would ever want to seek for a
wife. His wife is wild and I probably that she has her own ways
with guys -your good friend - being susceptible finds himself
falling for her (Art of Seduction - Siren) Risk factor - no gf for
7 years. 
Noticed that your good friend is willing to change for her sake,
but she doesn't want him to. Yet her reason for this break up is
because she finds that he do not spend time with her together in
her night life. Contradicting?
The real reason involved is
because if HE were to go, she would not be able to enjoy herself
thoroughly and the guy (whom he perceive as a third party) will be
awkward as well.
Chase back? The THING about chasing back someone is that IF your
good friend is the cause of this problem - then maybe he would be
to prove himself once again. However, in this case, she doesn't
want the relationship anymore. How on earth are you going to chase
someone who DOESN'T WANT THE RELATIONSHIP? Even if he succeed, is
he delaying the inevitable? Cause in the future, similiar incident
going to take place and 'poof', this relationship is gone again? So
the hurting process repeats.
People always say age is not a problem - yes, age is not a problem
by itself. However, the vast difference in age
is an issue. By itself, no problem, but by the
issues it brings up, probably its rational to consider the factor.
I doubt he did.
22 and he is 30 - his mentally is to settle down with a girl of his
dream. At 22, she is just embarking on the journey of fun and
adventure. Clashing and conflicting. And have you noticed, why did
she start talking about life style clashing after 3 odd years?
If lifestyle were to clash, it will be felt within the first six
months of the relationship and problems will have to be solved by
then. Compromising take place right? Then why after three years
then compromising ends?
P.S: Loving and suitability is two different issue. He may love her
very much, but in fact, her heart may not be with him. Even if he
were to attempt to chase her back, I doubt she will accept. She
already made the choice - of the man she loved, but not suitable,
and chose to leave. Is your good friend in denial of the facts lay
out to him at the very start of the relationship?
Cheers
