What is happening to us?!

Ah-Ken SG

We're classmates & we've known each other for quite some time liao. She knows that I have feelings for her. When we talk to each other, I can feel that she's telling me that I do stand a chance.

One fine day when we were talking, I admitted that I had fell for her. But I do not have the intention of wanting her as my gf. I just let her know that I DO like her. She's not really surprised & looked rather happy in fact. Her respond was like this... she didn't reject me, nor did she accept me. She still wants to remain friends with me & see how things go first before making any decisions. That simply means I still do have a chance. We still talked as usual after that. But after a few days, dunno for what reason, things started to change.

We don't talk like we used to anymore. She's giving me the cold treatment, I feel really awkward. I asked her what's happening between us... through ICQ. She told me she feels awkward when I keep quiet & treated her too nicely. She hopes we can still remain as friends for now. I told her... Of course we're still friends. And though I liked her, I never really had the intention of making her my gf. But I still, DO care for her, a lot. She seems ok after that chat. I thought maybe things will go back to normal. But no... she's still treating me like an alien. Didn't she say she still wanna be friends?! So why is she behaving like that?! Mad

You see, I'm a passive kind of guy while she's the bubbly & cheerful type. Things would normally turn out fun when she started the conversation. I don't normally initiate things with her. Now I'm just being myself but somehow things seems so much different.

Can anyone tell me what's happening? I'm going beserk seeing her like this everyday. Crying or Very sad

SoonKeong SG

I don't know about you.. but if you dont want her as a galfren, why bother to confess your feelings?

In your case, i think what happen here is your fren feels strange after your confession. I mean, since you told her liao, wad's ur next step? Treat her like your best fren? If that's the case, then omg, u deserve a cold treatment.

You already state in your post she also feel good towards you. Since both of you like eachother, why dont go into a relationship?

If i'm not wrong, she is just piss with you for not making any movement after you said you like her. That is something like saying "I wanna grow a tree!" But yet you didnt even plant a seed in the soil. Rolling Eyes

[email protected] SG

hai u remind me of myself man... after confessing my feelings to a girl i liked, she became really distant.. Crying or Very sad i guess guys will never understand girls...

BrUtUs SG

mayb she's confused how to go from here so give her some time n u should carry on wif ur life as per norm... go slow....

Yunhaier SG

There are a couple of possibilities:

The way you express your liking did not seemed to include that phrase 'I just want to tell you and no I don't want to chase you.' kind of strength or simply it isn't emphasised enough. She may feel that you may have the intention/motive to chase her. Rolling Eyes

Together with the fact that she is actually the one minding, because once you admitted your feelings, she will be very conscious of your every move, words, etc. She could mis-read about you and deemed it as not-being yourself - which will indirectly cause the awkwardness in her.

To save such situations, I only have two words: Act normal. When she is awkward, avoid being awkward yourself. Act normal, as if you said nothing or you had no feelings for her apart from good friends. Be generous about your situations and if people wants to alien themselves from you, don't let it affect you. Just continue to be yourself and eventually your action will lead them to be normal gradually. Rolling Eyes

You have to induce back the old times, you can't expect it to appear from nowhere.

Cheers

[email protected]_arms SG

[quote][b]But after a few days, dunno for what reason, things started to change.

Things always do I'm afraid, and they will...

We don't talk like we used to anymore. She's giving me the cold treatment, I feel really awkward.

[/b][/quote]

They always do that... its the way of things here.

Ah-Ken SG

The confession was an "accident". It comes out when we were in the midst of conversation. Plus I didn't expect that things would turn that bad. I didn't really wanna confess actually... I hoped to let things go as it is till I graduate & probably I won't see her again.

I didn't want her as a gf cos I dun think she's suitable for me & I'm not suitable for her too. I can forsee lots of problems IF we're ever together. I guess that will hurt us more. I know I won't be happy about that, but at least I know she'll be better off with someone else rather than me.

Originally posted by Yunhaier:
To save such situations, I only have two words: Act normal.

For me, being normal means being passive. If you want me to initate a conversation with her, that'll be something I don't do everyday.
_____

I've learnt a couple of things though. Confession is a risk. She may already know how you feel towards you. But as long as you don't confess, she'll still treat you as a friend, regardless she likes you or not. Only regret is you'll never know how she really feels for you.

Don't be too honest. There're some things which are better off she didn't know. Or maybe you can try to let her know, if possible, by other means rather than straight from your mouth. The hurt will stay there, deep in her heart, even though she pretended she didn't mind.

Hmm.. am I right to say that?

pringles99 SG

he confessed becoz it is not nice to keep yr feelings inside... u will feel v v tong ku one... my friend had similar experience....

nah..he dont deserve the cold treatment...he knows that he cant force the gal to like him... so for the gal's sake he juz have to bear with being friends with her.... does anyone knows how hurting is it when the gal u like is juz near u...but u cant really show yr concern for her.... ...

u cant say it that way also...to me he had planted the seed liao n had made known that he wanna grow a tree!!but now it is up to the gal whether she wanna take care of the seed by giving it water for it to grow or not.... ..... ..... .....

pringles99 SG

Originally posted by Ahken:
For me, being normal means being passive. If you want me to initate a conversation with her, that'll be something I don't do everyday.
_____

I've learnt a couple of things though. Confession is a risk. She may already know how you feel towards you. But as long as you don't confess, she'll still treat you as a friend, regardless she likes you or not. Only regret is you'll never know how she really feels for you.

Don't be too honest. There're some things which are better off she didn't know. Or maybe you can try to let her know, if possible, by other means rather than straight from your mouth. The hurt will stay there, deep in her heart, even though she pretended she didn't mind.

Hmm.. am I right to say that?

hmmz i think.... it is better that u let it out le... if not maybe next time u will regret y u didnt like make known yr feelings?maybe by then it will b too late le... i understand how u feel abt this whole thing...n it is a pity that things turn put to b like that........haiz..... guess smtimes.... there r juz certain things we cant control........ ......... ..........

pringles99 SG

sadsadguy SG

I think she is half expecting you to start to woo her ... But you din, which makes her kindda ... want to distance from you? Anyway, from most cases, if you confess that you like a girl, it will end either with both of you as a couple, or not friends at all. Unlikely you can maintain your friendship with a gal after confession. That's why if you intend to confess, be prepared to loss the friendship as well. But then, NOT all cases are the same, maybe yours is different? If you really liked her, why not give this relationship a try? The sweetest relationship developes from a hardship that was conquered.

Good luck.

Forever84 SG

Wow hard to remain friends huh
why didn't anyone mention this eariler
haha
i agree maybe she thinks "you" are not you because you like her thats why you treat her so nice, but i personally think its very hurting when you show concern or treat a person nice and the person thinks you have a hidden agenda

dreamykite SG

Since you do not have the intention of her being your gf. Try this! Tell her that you dont like her anymore as she has changed. No more the gal you have like b4. I guess she will have an immediate change of attitude towards you.

mmmother SG

hmmm true... some times u tell the girl u like her... is because u feel u wan to tell her... maybe just to release the stress in you..

some pplz hab the tendency to shy away from the pplz they like... they will feel their face hot and red if near.. so maybe she shy away from u lor..

friends depends on the girl... some girl can take it that u like them and yet still be your friend... some girls cannot..

...

from personal experiance... i did like a girl... but i neber told her... and i left it to my best friend to betray me... Rolling Eyes

after she knew... she still did talk to me...online... for some time..
** we seldom talk face to face**
den... poooof... no more talking.... maybe is she avoid me... maybe is i avoid her... but... heck... i did like her... like ONLY .. nothing else... no intentions.... till now aso neber talk... when meet face to face... got say hi and all this la... nothing much else

[email protected]_arms SG

I for myself, would just do what my good old mate told me, "sit down, shut up, stare... like them". My point is, I just shut up and let actions speak louder than words, if I love anyone, I prove it, I don't say it, because speech and knowledge of such feelings always causes these sort of problems. Its far better to show your actions of love and recieve it back from her in return rather than idle chitter chatter love talk.