Originally posted by AngelDark:
i never thought that i'd post in here..... lolz, after such
a long time of helping (or at least trying to help), i now.... seek
help
there are times whereby 2 ppl seems to attracted to each other, yet
when one of them doesn't seem to move forth to make the r/s even
better.... due to the personal reasons of :
1 ) had past trauma in previous r/s... perhaps unable to face up to
it, hence leaving a scar, which hinders progress in r/s
2 ) doesn't want to make female fren "suffer" with self
so this "retreating" way of treating the fren.... comes out with 2
conclusions
i ) in a way, it's helping her, by not letting her be in a r/s that
could be a disaster that could cause her the scar
ii ) making her feel bad in a way (not sure of which) which may
lead her to a wrong path she might take....
so the point i'm trying to ask all of u... is...
Is 1 ) and 2 ) justifiable for the reason that could reach
conclusions of i ) and ii ).
Not sure about your point (ii). But a little far reached to make
you jump into your conclusion (i). Before I continue, just to clear
my doubts... Can you better define (ii) as to what 'wrong path she
might take' are you suggesting?
Yes. (1) & (2) can easily make a person comes to a decision
making of (i). But one thing I would like to point out in
conclusion (i). You're not exactly 'helping' her. This 'error' is
probably made in the light that you're quite an 'advance' creature.
Humans tend to think alot for their future and the future of others
around them. Which is... Not always practical. Your 'helping' her
in (i) is more like 'defending' her. In a way against yourself
(which you probably think you are so familar with). 'Helping'
haven't comes in as the problem isn't there yet. Though you might
see much of a potential for the things to happen, future is more
often like a mist than not.
Every relationship holds a risk of leaving a scar behind a person's
life. May it be you or someone else. How can you tell if she would
to get into a relationship with someone else she won't be hurt
more? The fact is probably you can't. Question 1 I wanna ask is, do
both of you really love each other for NOW? Forget about the
future. Nobody can really guarantee much for the future of a
relationship. Life is always so unpredictable. If you're both for
it, why not? At least the situation is still partially under your
control? If she's with someone else and hurt badly, it really don't
make much sense for you to tell her bf what he should be doing. You
would just be an outsider then?
is it fair for her? for me?
fair for the frenship?
It's not really fair for her. Because you don't really know what
she wants in her mind. You simply can't make a decision for someone
and blindly says its 'fair' to that person.
For you? Probably only you can tell for certainty? But my guess is
it's not.... There's a 'struggle' in you. Often when there's a
struggle between what you desire and reality may offer you,
'fairness' is in question.
What relationship? Both of you are not an item yet. The
relationship itself probably has yet to 'exist'. Without
'existence', fairness to it is just draft question.
need help here, cause..... i seem to find myself in the same
scenario everytime... in the recent.... 1 yr
+.........
Point to take note. You tends to worry too much about the
relationship of a newborn relationship. It's not that you
shouldn't. It's just that life is unpredictable. Sometimes when the
circumstances come for both of you to fall apart, you just can't
stop it from happening. The least you can do is try your best.
Avoiding a relationship is sure an 'energy' & 'emotions' saving
way for both parties. But so would it be if we all ain't born in
this way.... We're not born to save 'energy' & 'emotions'...
Understand that for good...
All is kinda like an 'investment'. Do you see the 'fruit' in the
future? Or sometimes it's not really about the 'fruit'... How about
the 'worth'? Hmm... You reminds me of my childhood again... The
drain which caused me the 'fall' when I was only around 4...?
Right infront of my
doorsteps... For years I dare not cross it... The phobia of it
immediately when I stepped out of my house... Always going a big
round detour to avoid the whole stretch of drain... Really SMALL
drain... With a few more years to come you'll probably get so
conditioned to it like I did....
You can't tell the future, but somehow you think you do.
Before the actual 'battle' you've already withdrawn yourself and
lost much of your 'battle'. You should be concentrating on working
things out instead. Failures are inevitable in life. Whatever they
may cause you. Whatever they may cause the others. You just need to
know and let her understand. Whatever may happen in the future...
Don't hurt each other for you've truly love each other... Things
sometimes happens... Unplanned for and unintentional... Live to
understand that and face it....
