hi cunfused 2000,
A few things that i'd like to offer... for a start, many guys (and
gals alike) take a closer look at their relationship before they
sign on the dotted line. It's especially frightening when
relationships around you do not work out well or reports on divorce
rates have been steadily climbing up. We start to question if this
is what we are getting ourselves into.
I was told that love has 3 components: passion, intimacy &
commitment.
We can quickly identify with passion, the racing heartbeat, the
world slowing down when you are with your significant other and all
seems bright as day. Perhaps that's what you are feeling with Ms S.
I reckon you must have felt that when you first knew you gf. The
thing about passion is it can quickly come and quickly go. Give
yourself 6 months or a year and the heartbeat will go back to
normal.
Intimacy is like the anchor. The more you know about your SO (sig
other) and the more you complement her, the easier it is to sustain
it. Common values and beliefs play a big part. The more you know
about the other and agree with that, the greater the chances of
sticking it through. For me, i started out talking to my husband on
the phone. We would talk for hours. It's at those times that i
found out about his values, which is family first. I was looking
for a man like that and i knew that since he treasured his parents
and siblings, he will take good care of ours.
the last and often mistaken as least is commitment. It almost
sounds like a dirty or taboo word. After i got married, a friend
enquired about our state of affairs. He's been married for years
and have 2 children. So he told me something that i'm holding on
to... we marry the one we love. after the wedding bells and all, we
learn to love the one we married. It's not a chore, but realise
that we have committed to the life or better or worse, in sickness
or in health, till death do us part. Getting married may be the
easy part, but keeping it together takes a lifetime
Perhaps it's for you to know what you really want in a spouse, not
just the practicalities (i have a 5-room flat, no car but all the
loans you've talked about), we're talking about personality,
values, etc. It's important to know who you are too. It is a good
time to take stock and make a decision, an informed one and one
you'll hold on to.
