The refusal to support husband monetarily, it looks to me,
serves the purpose of part teaching, & part punishment. The
wife is upset about what the husband did, and resentful at the way
he turned out to be. So she takes it out on him by being
vengeful.
Revenge is sweet and she can indulge in it if it makes her feel
better, but only until then, because it doesn't solve
anything.
She should recognise that he is now working a regular job and give
him credit for it. Habits need time to change. And that we all make
mistakes, no one is infallible. Where to look for second chances
but from our loved ones?
I believe that few changes can be made from external impetus, but
in this case it seems necessary that the man learns and changes, so
her intention is correct. However her tactic isn't working, and
only makes the husband more bitter and defensive against any other
influence.
When it comes to advice, especially from women, most men "eat soft,
don't eat hard". To change him, she has to gain his trust first. If
he feels judged critically by her & there's a barrier, nothing
she does will move him. So she should adopt a sympathetic attitude
towards him and not focus on money / work issues all the
time.
Meanwhile she should decide how much is she willing to support him
financially and emotionally, and stick to it. It is fair for her to
set a limit to her contribution, there is nothing to apologise
about.
Then sit down & agree on some realistic objectives and work
together with him towards the goals. I do not agree that love is
unconditional. There is only so much sh|t one person can put up
with; any relationship works only with effort from both sides. Tell
him plainly that this stress is ruining the marriage and that both
of them should work on some changes before rifts are
irreparable.
The first focus should be that he becomes self-sufficient and not
need handouts. Hoping to build a nest egg together is too
ambitious; take it calmly in baby steps. Make compromises on both
sides, just to get things started.
