Family Breakup

Ecxentrique SG

One of my close friend just told me of his problem.. it goes like this.

His father have been having an affair with a prostitute in Batam. They have already married and the girl is having his baby. Now my friend and his family just got to know when the gal called his mom and told her that she was being forced into the marriage and that his father had been very violent to her. My friend, his brother and mom just confronted him today.. His father is incorrigible and very bad tempered,totally unreasonable. My friend's mom wont accept him into the family already, ask him to go over to batam where he is wanted by the police. His father also admitted to liking the girl there more than his family here. Now he wants to sell the house (4rm hdb). The flat is paid by him but the owners name are his parents. So if they sell the house now what will happen? who will get the money and where will it go? my friend just started work and he is paying by cpf, his parents cpf already depleted.. sometimes pay by cash.. I dunno how to advice him so seeking help her..

Any kind souls have any advice?

jOhO SG

hi ecx,

i believe we all know where to go to get help for the legal issues, eg with house ownership, wat happens if divorce or this or that. HDB would be the first stop, and then possibly a lawyer that specilises in this..

i think where u might come in as a friend is the emotional support? she's obviously upset and unhappy, and you could be there for her when she needs to complain and kao beh. Wink Wink

best of luck to u and more to her!

nooki SG

erm... uncle jOhO....
dun mean 2 interrupt.... but its a he leh
Laughing

jOhO SG

oh sh[/i]it.... ahhaha

i saw a "her" at the end.. was reading thru too quickly didn't realise it was a typo.

oh well just replace the hers with hims and the she with shims.. er hims.. hes... argh!

Twisted Evil

Devil1976 SG

Disclaimer. Before I begin, I would like to state that whatever I advise here is of my best knowledge. They however should not in any way replace standard legal advice. To clarify matters further, I would suggest your friend go to Legal Aid for a $1 consultation or some other proper channel (there's free legal advice situated in Singapore, though these places can be quite packed.).

By STRAIGHTFORWARD legal means... The house once sold, the assets should belongs to his parents as the flat belongs to his parents. He can however try to fight for the flat with related documents. The outcome which I would not be certain at all. My GUESS is, his parents would still have the upper hand.

A few factors to consider. Have the flat been fully paid up? Or is it still on installment support? If the payment for house has not been made, the main factor HDB would consider probably is WHO can afford the rest of the downpayment.

I'm not quite sure what you meant when you said your friend is paying sometimes by cpf and sometimes by cash? You mean for the flat?

If your friend's grandparents are not supportive of your friend's father and are willing to, they can try transfering the name of the flat to someone who can support the flat if payment is not made up. Might have slight advantage to the situation.

Sorry, time's up. Got to logout. Come back to you again some other day?

~Good luck to your friend?

-=- [L]eonArD -=- SG

ask ur fren’s family go c the welfare service thingy.. im sure they will help..

InVaa SG

his dad is a big sucker

Ecxentrique SG

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for the opinions and advice. Maybe I just provide a little more into the situation as Dev has pointed out.

His dad has actually stopped paying for the house once my friend started work. So now actually the house is being paid by my friend's cpf. His dad actually has stop paying for a few months liao.. Its actually retribution to him cos just a year ago, he chased his own father (i.e. my friend's grandfather out of the house accusing him of the very same thing he is guilty of now.. having an affair outside. The accusation is just to blind us from the truth as the grandfather lent him a lot of money to buy flat and now he just wants the father to return some. And he refused and digs up some old trashy stuff to shield the fact that he has used the money on somewhere else)

But I digress..

So now actually only my friend is paying for the house. His mom is working but dun have cpf. His father is a cab driver so no cpf and also he has stopped paying by cash.

Yah his dad is one really mean guy. Heard he got the girl there pregnant and even abused her physically. I dunno what to say. Also now I hear he already left the house. The police in Batam also looking for him cos of the abuse case that has been reported.

Devil1976 SG

Would like to straighten out the facts clearly before I advise just in case I get anything wrong?

1. Flat payment still ongoing.
2. Your friend's father has been paying for the flat before your friend starts work.
3. Your friend's father has chased your friend's grandpa out of the house because the latter has accused him of adultery.
4. Your friend is currently the sole contributer for the flat.

Advice :

Is your friend's grandpa who is being chased out the fresh blood father of your friend's father? From what I can understand, he has been treated quite unkind by his own son. Would he be standing on your friend's side instead of his son's side? If he can, it's a bonus for proceed.

Little has been mentioned of your friend's grandma. Is she with your friend's grandpa or speaking in defence for her son? You've mentioned that the flat is owned by your friend's grand parents. Current situation would deem favourable to the just mentioned. In case either of the grand parents might decide to side their own son, we need to know who's the primary owner of the flat and who's second in name (if that's the case).

The case in Batam, has it been confirmed? Not sure about whether the legal forces in Batam can proceed after this case in Singapore. If the answer is 'yes', it's an advantage for your friend and disadvantage for your friend's father. There're some things which I shall put on HOLD for now.

For now, I shall request of some things from you in return if you want me to proceed further...

1. Zodiac of your friend.
2. Zodiac of your friend's father.
3. Zodiac of your friend's mother.
4. Zodiac of your friend's grandpa.

And age or rough age group of the above mentioned for the older individual(s).

Regards.

Ecxentrique SG

Ok just to answer some questions posted my dev first and then a little update.

Yes the payment of the flat is still ongoing.. but currently only my friend is paying using cpf. still got 30 years more according to the last flat valuation.

Yes, his father paid for the flat by cash before his brother started work.

Yes, my friends father threw out his own father (based on adultery that was like back in the 60's or 50's)(but during the quarrel they brought out suspicions on whether they are really related by blood or not)

yah my friend is also now the sole payer for the rental of the flat.

Perhaps there was some misunderstanding at the beginning which might have led u to still think that my friend's grandparents are still alive. His granma died very long time ago. His grandpa (the one that was being chased out passed away apparently commited suicide at a relatives place) So now the owners of the flat is my friend and his parents. My friend is considered to be a paying occupant and the parents are the primary owners.

Now the case in Batam has been confirmed and that I have been told he has gone back after the quarrel to Batam on saturday evening. But apparently came back again. So now my friend suspects what the gal in batam told her mom. The fact now could be that the police in batam may not really be looking for him since he already can come out so fast and that he seem quite ready to pack his bags and leave when they quarelled the other time.

My friend bday is 19th june
His father 6th nov

Dunno abt his grandparents.. Will it still be relevant if they are no longer ard?

Just curious y will u need to have their zodiac?

Thanks

Devil1976 SG

Hmm... Good that we've finally got our facts right. It's funny how you could have actually missed out one of the most important things?

Since both his grandparents are not around, their zodiac would probably be quite irrelevant for now. But it's an IMPORTANT point. Was it stated in any will who the flat should belong to? Since the last person to pass away was his grandpa and it was a suicidal case, I would expect that he has probably written a will (and likelihood not in favour of his son). He could have given that will a miss too? In that case, your friend's father is indeed not that simple. However, that part of history is beyond our scope of discussion for now.

The next important point to make, Will or no will, the flat should now be named under either one person or two... Legally in black and white. That's the important issue. Does your friend knows? He has to find out... Then he can decide what to do next.

What the lady in Batam told them... Could very well have been a lie. Either that, or your friend's father has managed to work a way out....

Is your friend's mother still around? I hope she is? You still have not told me their respective age, which can also be quite important..?

Your friend is probably a WEAK opponent for his father. He himself probably is someone who can be quite feeble minded and quite easily lost in too lengthy a string of thoughts. He might feel that there's so much he wants to do, but ability limited. Probably making him a constant despair. Being at a relatively young age probably make things worse. Important factor is how fast he matures in his life to overcome himself.

His father on the other hand is more IN CONTROL type of person. His immediate concern now should be to wind up everything and just disappear. He knows very well what he wants and is gonna FIGHT for it. He might has just a slight disadvantage we might be able to make use of.

But I would need to know the facts to some of the questions mentioned above before I can decide what approach your friend should take? (I would highlight the V. IMPORTANT questions is BLUE)

Regards.

Devil1976 SG

~~double post~~

Ecxentrique SG

ok maybe i will answer some of the more impt questions first:

This flat is now owned by 3 names according to hdb, namely my friend's fathes, his mom and himself he just added his name in to pay for the flat using his cpf account (after he started work). So the original 2 owners is my friends parents. they went to seek advice from hdb and the hdb pple say that there is no way that any 2 person can succeed in selling the house. All 3 must be in agreement before the sale can take place.

Yes him mom is also around and has went to apply for a protection order from the family court after his father left home.

My friend is 23, his mom 50 and his dad 49.

His grandfather was not an owner of the flat, he used to own the first flat and the second one but now the thrid one that they live in my friend's father managed to exclude his name from it. This is what he told me. When they were trying to get the second flat, my friend's dad borrowed a huge some from my friend's granfather (i.e. his own dad) And then never returned the sum, even after repeated attempt from the old man to get some money back to buy some medication. But the father always sidestep the issue and brings back old history abt the grandfather commintting adultery and then eventually abt the same time last year, the grandfather out of desparation attempted to stab him, the case was reported and the old man was forced out of the house. He then commited suicide in a relative's place in early january. These are just additional info but just so that you know wat sort of man (the father) is.

My friend is ok. I think his father is the sort that will lose himself in any logical argument. My friend said that there is no way that the family can get down to discuss things with him and before long his father will rattle onto some very irrelevant topics and sidestep the issue althogether and shift the blame onto someone else. So on that friday nite when they discuss things the father really lost it and got violent and started to make threats. They seldom dare to raise their voice or opinions in the family cos it will just be debunked by the father and so that time was the first time when both sides lost it and got into the major argument.

Devil1976 SG

Originally posted by Ecxentrique:
ok maybe i will answer some of the more impt questions first:

This flat is now owned by 3 names according to hdb, namely my friend's fathes, his mom and himself he just added his name in to pay for the flat using his cpf account (after he started work). So the original 2 owners is my friends parents. they went to seek advice from hdb and the hdb pple say that there is no way that any 2 person can succeed in selling the house. All 3 must be in agreement before the sale can take place.

Yup. The selling of the flat won't take place unless all 3 of them are agreeable to it OR one of them decides to buy over the flat in legal terms. So I don't see an issue with the father wanting to sell the house now?

Yes him mom is also around and has went to apply for a protection order from the family court after his father left home.

Why the protection order? Was there previous reports of physical abuse on her? Still, you haven't told me... What is his mum's zodiac?

Since his father is one of the owners of the house, he has every rights to return despite the protection order. UNLESS, he does extreme things to break the order.

My friend is 23, his mom 50 and his dad 49.

His grandfather was not an owner of the flat, he used to own the first flat and the second one but now the thrid one that they live in my friend's father managed to exclude his name from it. This is what he told me. When they were trying to get the second flat, my friend's dad borrowed a huge some from my friend's granfather (i.e. his own dad) And then never returned the sum, even after repeated attempt from the old man to get some money back to buy some medication. But the father always sidestep the issue and brings back old history abt the grandfather commintting adultery and then eventually abt the same time last year, the grandfather out of desparation attempted to stab him, the case was reported and the old man was forced out of the house. He then commited suicide in a relative's place in early january. These are just additional info but just so that you know wat sort of man (the father) is.

Ok.

My friend is ok. I think his father is the sort that will lose himself in any logical argument. My friend said that there is no way that the family can get down to discuss things with him and before long his father will rattle onto some very irrelevant topics and sidestep the issue althogether and shift the blame onto someone else. So on that friday nite when they discuss things the father really lost it and got violent and started to make threats. They seldom dare to raise their voice or opinions in the family cos it will just be debunked by the father and so that time was the first time when both sides lost it and got into the major argument.

Simple. There shall be no discussions then? I don't see an issue about that? In legal terms, he has no rights to sell the flat. If he decides to resort to threats, there is protection order against him and they (your friend and his mother) can file a police report and issue a warning against him.

Regards.

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