I need someone to help to solve my doubts

PeaceToAll SG

Hi to all and Yunhaier,

I got some quesitons lingering. Right now, this is a period of understanding and knowing more abt each other with Me and the Girl i liked. We believed that it'll be fair to each of us that we are fully committed to each other and build our relationship on a solid foundation.

So, everything remains the same, as I dated her, etc. But lately, I noticed that She had not been replying to my Good Morning/Good Night SMS or my greeting/miss-her SMS, unless I am asking her something... Is this normal ? In the past, she would usually reply anything I SMS her. But not now ... is there a reason ?

I had been busy with my own career and thus I had been not in contact as often as i liked before. Do you all think it's fine to just call her once or twice a week, with SMS almost everyday, and dates once per 2 weeks average ? On 1 hand, I am scared that I am disrupting her lifestyle and disturb her, on the other hand, I just don't wanna us to drift apart ....

Actually, regardless of what, I'll stick to my Faith that I'll always love her and no matter what results, I'll not change my heart. I'll always trust her and hold on to my Faith in her. Just that I wanna ask for some advice.

Hope kind folks offer some advice and I hope everyone in Love, will see their own light @ the end of the tunnel.

Regards.

boy in blues SG

Confused hhmm..i can truly empathize with the dilemma you face..don't feel anxious and whatever you do, don't let her know about your concerns.

Biscuit SG

From my perspective, I would think that being a couple, communication is really important. Should you really be concerned about this, I would think that both of you need to sit down and discuss over issues. This way, you can relate to each other better and understand thinking and thoughts. No one is a mind guesser u know

Its not always easy to open up to each other when it comes to discussing issues because there are consequences, but the more both party bottle up, the more unhealthy the relationship is going to be.. who knows.. maybe ur gf has her own unhappiness as well, but she dare not voice it out ?

Whatever it is, its just an advice and my personal opinions, the decision maker is urself.. Wishing you all the best Wink

Yunhaier SG

The reasons that constitute to her non-replying sms is due to the Law of Diminishing Return. In simple, it just meant that the more you do something, the return will be less gradually. Rolling Eyes

Analogy: When you are thirsty and you drink your first cup of water, you get the most satisfaction. The more you drink, the satisfaction get less.

What I meant is that the daily sms you are giving is becoming a rountine spell on her, therefore she wouldn't reply you at all, because it probably polite on your part and she accepted it. Rolling Eyes

Busy with your own life is important - you must have life outside your crush. However, on my personal opinon - once per two weeks is far too subtle to have major effect on her.

If I were to break it down for you:

Total hours in 12 days - 336
Once meeting in fornight probably would last only average of 4 - 6 hours? Ok, presuming its 5 hours.

5/336 * 100% = 1.4%

Thats far too little and considering the long break in between, you could hardly do much and if competition steps in, you would probably lose, in terms of this. Rolling Eyes

My suggestion is if its within your means, try dating her once (minimum) every week. As for calling, if conversation can go well, its ok to call. (you don't call someone to have dead conversation do you?). And you will benefit greatly if communication is comfortable, easy-going and natural. Rolling Eyes

P.S: : You must advance steadily. You can't move five steps forward and one step back. You must keep a continous flow towards the girl of your dream. If not, she may lose her interest and turn her attention elsewhere. Not asking you to rush (there is only a fine line difference between hasty and good tactical move) Rolling Eyes

Cheers

T-711 SG

this seems the situation b4 me and my gf breakup.....
dun sms too much. like yunhaier say, the law.

more preferably, u 2 should meet often. chat over the phone so as to know each other more. if u think u might be disrupting her lifestyle, disturbing her, it seems like the beginning of the end.

any competition that sets in would have knock u complete off ground. if u truly love her and wanna be with her, spend more time with her. call her to show her that u really miss her.

i loathe sms now though i still use it. but going abt using it to express my care and concern to a ger i like is complete useless. best is to call, a sweet few seconds of "i miss u" can do more trick then a stupid sms....

choco B SG

It is futile to find a perfect combination of sms/call/date. What works for one girl may not work for the other. What works now may not work later. It is a constant effort to keep each other happy.

What is most disturbing is that she used to respond well to your smses, but now does not. First thing that comes to mind is that - she's sian liao.

Honestly, if a girl likes you she will be happy whether you call or sms or watever. If she finds that you're too buggy or not calling enough, she will complain and expect you to act according to her feedback. So instead of just worrying, why don't you either - sound her out and ask if she's happy with your attentions, or change tactics like calling more instead of sms.

Devil1976 SG

1st of all, you'll have to understand that you're maintaining a relationship with a girl you like... NOT with your gf... Even a BGR not properly maintained could be lost, less to mention for a courtship...

What is 'enough'? Enough for her to stay interested in you? Enough to help her remember of your existence? Or enough for her to become your gf? Very much dependent on your life style and yours, an appropriate 'meet up & contact' schedule could be worked out... ALSO, based on the kinda character she has... You can form your activities ranging from routine to 'special' (non-routine activities)..... An example of such has been proposed to you in Yunhaier's reply.... You can formulate something like that according to the points I've mentioned earlier...

Another reminder which I would like to add...? I'm not sure of the details... But exactly how is she feeling for you? Do you know? It's nice of you to be able to keep up to the 'faith' and love for her.... Really.... But without proper order of reception from her side, this can easily be a 'blind faith', 'one way relationship' or simply not going nowhere kinda situation.... Just for your actions to be justified... Because it's pretty COMMON Rolling Eyes for people to start crying out "why she don't love me or appreciate me after ALL that I've done for her?".... Some even cursing the other party.... So know where you'll be landing before you decide to jump ok? Wink

Imperfect SG

This is happening to me too... I sense the girl distancing away from me... and so i looked for her to talk thigns out... but she say she need to think through things that has happened...
I still think that it is better to try to talk to her about what you feel before it become worse... relationships is not a place to play mind games...