Help with foreign girlfriend

smoke SG

Hi, just need some advice and opinion. Thanks a lot if you can help me out. Smile

I have a girlfriend who is now currently back in China. We met while she was "visiting relatives" in Singapore (she's working in a karaoke lounge to sideline for her family problems back home). Initially, I was quite hesitant about such relationships due to the bad image these girls get in Singapore. Actually, I know that she's not with me because of money due to the fact that she doesn't want me to visit her at the karaoke but meet her when she's free instead. Also, she did not take any tips from me or in any other ways. When I go out with her, she rather that I save the money on taxis and is willing to take public transport with me instead because she knows that I'm not a rich kid or anything like that. I can feel that she's truly happy whenever she's with me.

In the meantime, our relationship continues in such a way that even if I didn't meet up with her, she will call me up using her handphone which costs a bomb for her. We would talk for long hours on end everytime. I did mention to her that I liked her at the start and she told me she has also liked me the time she saw me. Her only apprehension is also because she was told that most Singapore guys are only looking for fun at such outlets. It was only when she was about to return home that we confessed our true feelings for each other, that we actually do love each other. We have told each other it is near impossible for us to be together because of different family background and also different culture.

Now that she's gone, I miss her a lot. She has called me twice since even though she's gone less than a week and our conversations were very long each time because she misses me very much. My thinking is that if she's not true to me or serious about me, she probably won't give a damn when she's gone, or even if she's around. There's no need for her to waste money because I'd probably just call her if I am serious anyway. Now I'm stuck because of my inexperience with foreign girls, especially from China because of their bad review. Anyone experienced enough to give me some tips or help? Is she putting on an act because of money, for PR / Citizenship or because she truly loves me? By the way, I'm 24 this year and she's 22.

Thanks a lot. Smile

KrU SG

All the best to u bro…

NeonTetra SG

jia you. i got no comments on this because i don hve gf…don talk abt a foreign one.

Devil1976 SG

It SEEMS like she could be pretty genuine to me? But in fact there'll probably be no true way to tell for now...? Well.. At least not an easy way to tell...? Rolling Eyes

smoke SG

Yes, that's why need someone very experienced to help. Smile

Bobster SG

Good Luck!!! Mr. Green

KeN3 SG

great to hear dat u found ur soulmate... cherish her well... gd luck!! cheers! Very Happy

echandra SG

i use to have a foreign gf llike u, she's a burmese and currently in the uk studying.....she's been away for like almost 7 yrs now.. its a terrible feeling that the person u like is in overseas... but i was in a similiar situation as you are now. the first few weeks when she left, i called her every week for over 3 months... my phone bill was like sky rocketing.... but as time passes, things started to simmer down. what i'm trying to say is that u need time to tell you if she's really serious about you. if she really is serious, you 2 will stand the test of time... its a nice feeling to know that someone is interested in u, but u have to decide if its real... only time will tell... i wish you the best.

InVaa SG

u sounds lyk u doubt her alot ALOT

Yunhaier SG

I read through this a couple of times before coming down to this conclusion - don't get overly emotional and make irrational decision that you may regret in the future. Rolling Eyes

I am not bothered over the fact that she is from China, more importantly, I want to you think over these few points I am going to pin point here:

I) The place she is working is no simple society - she doesn't want you to go there, probably there are things best you shouldn't know. Loving someone is accepting about him/her - don't ever regret one day when you discovered something really unpleasent and affect the relationship with her (presuming you and her are together). Rolling Eyes

II) When you do enter into a relationship with her - it would probably be a long distance relationship (LDR). Like all other LDR, my advice would be the same: ITS NOT EASY to maintain and therefore unless two parties and I mean BOTH PARTIES are able to throw in effort (tons of them) and have little expectation/desire/dependancy kind - probably LDR can work. Rolling Eyes

III) You don't even know her well - don't talk about relationship in the first place. You don't even know her life, her work, her family and other very personal details about her. You depended purely on feelings - very high risk indeed. True love are equiped with risk, however you can minimize it though, so don't be foolish and heed emotions blindly. Rolling Eyes

Pondering over Yunhaier's 3 points could be rather discouraging. In the big picture (Gestalt), these are factors you must understand well enough before you even start the card game because once it begin - you can't stop the game.

I can't tell you whether she is in for money or for PR because I am not you nor involved in your life. Whenever you are in doubt about this: maintain the friendship and stay that way. True character will be revealed eventually when time of knowing her is lengthened. So take your time and CARE in trying to know her as a person, her lifestyle and culture. Rolling Eyes

P.S: Consideration should only take place when the rules are understood and the cards are clear. Stall consideration and hold it when ambigious aspects/elements are suspected.

Cheers

Devil1976 SG

She could be genuine, she could be not... Even if she is, the fact that she is genuine today doesn't necessarily means that she'll remain genuine forever... Is she coming back in the near future? Separated across 2 countries, a relationship can slowly be diluted without properly maintenance...

Even the very experienced of such could only give you suggestions... By far and by large, people can be very different in nature... Even though they all comes from China or work in a KTV lounge.... Of course, you can try to 'test' her... By with such a form of mentality in mind, the relationship is already a little 'off track'... But of course I'm not saying you cannot test her or doubt her not even a bit... But the more you DOUBT and try to find out, the higher the chance of she noticing your suspicion for her... And of course, the worse it's gonna be for your relationship...? Rolling Eyes

jOhO SG

question is.. if u both decide to go for it, how likely is it that u will be physically together?

dun gimme the "love transcends all" including 6000kms and $800 phone bills per month.

smoke SG

Dear all,

Thanks for your valuable time and opinion. So far, I have came to a decision to just let time tell me the answer, as the saying goes "only true love will withstand the test of time". In the meantime, I hope to hear more valuable input from everyone. As to the person who asked about the 6000km and $800 phonebills per month, it is more than sufficient for me to fly up there once in a few months to stay for 2 months if I have the time. Also, there's an international calling card that let's you talk up to 5 hours for less than $10. Smile

jOhO SG

wow..

money does solve many problems.. Laughing

Biscuit SG

Getting on with Yunhaier's point on the girl not wanting you to go and find her at her work place, I agree with what Yunhaier is saying that she might not want you to go to her workplace because there might be things that she doesn't want you to know, the place where she works is complex afterall.

Don't rush into things and commit yourself, you are young and she is younger, give yourself and her a chance to know more people. LDR is not as easy as calling and visiting her, it takes greater effort to make it work. Do know her, her family, family background and friends as these are the things which can tell you a lot about a person's upbringing and character.

Try not to judge a person because of the things done, for sometimes it could be misleading. I am not being judgemental here but its human's nature to see things on surface value. Whether her intentions are positive or negative, I cannot voice on that because I am not her, and am not in your situation as well. However, whatever it is, take it with a pinch of salt first and see how it goes Smile