feel tired with current life

thoreldan SG

Hello, I'm the eldest son of my family with schooling brothers. My parents did not have savings, hence the main financial responsiblities fell on me. (my father is a relief taxi driver and like to spend money on 4D's and my mother a homemaker)

Ever since I left the army in 01 Dec, I've been saving every cents from my job salary. I've struggling with the household expenses. I dare not spend money on leisure like other young people of my age. Dating and getting a girlfriend is the last thing ever to come to my mind.

One of my brother really likes to waste money on unneccessary things. They hardly understand the circumstance I am in.

I really hate it when I face such big responsibilities and all the sacrifices for my family. At this rate I am going, I think things will be going to be better only after my youngest brother finish school in 5-6 yrs time. I really envy friends who are able to get the things they want for themselves and enjoy themselves out in the weekends. Sometimes I even wish to go hidding and avoid all the problems but I cant do it. What are some of the things I can do? Any suggestions?

the Bear SG

hiding isn't going to help...

maybe can call a "family meeting" of sorts.. where only 1 person can speak at any one time.. tell your side.. let them tell their side.. maybe with his communication, everyone will know what's going on... right now, maybe no one knows what the other side is suffering like or anything...

good luck yah?

NeonTetra SG

dear friend,

I can understand your situation because my brother also face the same thing when his family have some financial problems. Hang in there and let your brothers know your situation so that they will not anyhow spend money. I admire you for your willingness to shoulder the burdens....just hang in there

Starmaster85 SG

tell your lazy brother to start working already . let them starve and make them look for money by working .

elmoloveyou SG

I agree....communicate wif yr family members...
Let them noe wat u r doing for them.... tell them how u feel abt it...
Talk abt it....
U will never noe the power of communication until u try it Wink

~Or|oS|s~ SG

hang in there buddy......

hiding will not solve anything, it will oso make them worried for u...

tok to them, i noe some times it jus seems like they (ur bros) won't understand wat u trying to say but jus tok to them patiently, try to explain the whole situation to them, take note of the tone u use, dun use a harsh or reprimanding tone cos that wil jus make them think u're scolding them like a father would..... use a soft tone n slowly explain to them.... i'm sure they will understand.....

anyway, hang in there ok? all is not as bad as it seems.....

loneryu00 SG

U need to discuss wif yr family... Yes... yr brothers included... tell them da situation U r in. Tell them not to spend unnecessarily... until they can earn their own $$$... I sympathize wif U, coz soon after NS I will somewat be in yr shoes...

But NEVER try to borrow from loan sharks, play stocks, gamble, etc, etc if U tink it can earn U fast cash... U r dead wrong. Endure... be patient...

blue_kelvinsg SG

must tahan ! tomorrow will be a better day !

ashgoh SG

How about allocation of money.

example if you earn S$1000 a month

Brother A - S$50
Brother B - S$50
Mother - S$400
Father - S$100 since he also earning.
Self - S$300
Saving - S$100

For your Father and Brothers, Don't give them further money thant those allocated to them even if they begged you. You have to educate them. whatever you save can be use for rainy days for you or your mother. You have to be firm and strict.
Mad

abterror SG

one of my friend is also like in ur shoes.
his parents are no longer working due to poor heath.
then everything falls on him, earning 1.5k+- a month excluding ot.
then he goto pay for his house utilities and ntu fees by himself.
actually he can have a smoother life, but he is those kindda more traditional kindda man who look like ku tian le.
not bad looking but this kindda of life and environment had made him to put relationship way back to the last. (poor thing)
on top of tat he make an effort to gif his parents like 3 to 4 hundred every month without fail....
sometimes i will call him to chat with him cos he is my ns buddy, but then he will be in a foul mood and always say tat my life is good cos i need not worry about financial matter as much compare to him....
will tend to suan me as if i own him a living. cos he really do to the extend of eating bread almost everyday.....( poor thing)
deep in my heart, i really wish to help but as a friend there is certain extend in which one will do lo...
haizzz....
so tiring carry so many responsibilities ha......
but whose go throught this stage will tend to be a better person. work + study part time + family.......
really envy this kindda of person ability and endurance.
Exclamation

BufPuf SG

hmm

i got 1 cousin also quite similar situation with u..the father is working but not earning much..mum got to work like 3 part times job..those few hrs job..den she got 3 younger siblings - 1 in uni now..1 in sec..1 in primary sch....

my cousin also feel quite stress...1 thing is the money...and the younger siblings sometimes also dun understand the situation...and ebcoz of this..she has to give up on her studies for Uni to give her siblings the chance to study..

sometimes she tell me tht she feel like giving up everything here in singapore and go overseas to work and etc..but she can't make herself do it

abterror SG

sometimes it is not a matter of "choices".
it just fall upon u without u knowing it.
i may not be in the shoes to comment on this cos althought i only need to rear myself, but i am already quite stress up from work and study itself. on top of tat sometimes have personal problems or high expectations of myself.
even with only this much, i feel the stress, let alone tat ppl who need to work for his family.
*salute the ppl who are in this catatory*
Neutral

Devil1976 SG

Are your brothers mature and old enough to think? If so, calling for a 'family meeting' once in a while as suggested by Bear could be something which might help in the situation....

At this point, it's important to have a good financial distribution plan and STICK to it as suggested by AshGoh....

For yourself, try to make your life meaningful... It doesn't mean you'll have to go spend alot of money and enjoy yourself... Just do the things you enjoy doing and pamper yourself once in a while.... Since you're now an IMPORTANT figure in the family, it's equally important that you don't let yourself fall... And a life without meaning can easily makes a person drift apart under pressure...

If your family still doesn't see the 'tightness' and RISK they're taking by being too spendthrift and stuffs like that... You can alway exercise 'false alarms' by cutting their budget within a certain size and explain to them that it's due to unforeseen circumstances... In doing that, you can save a sum aside just in case a real emergency turns up and also to let them realise it's not such an 'all fine weather sky' out there.....

Regards....

Fanatical_Knight SG

Hey if u need a job let me know, u can be one of my henchmen

thoreldan SG

Wow thanks for the response from all of you, I feel much better after hearing all the advices. I will officially step in as the finance minister of my family :p

NeonTetra SG

whatever it is…don give up!

Devil1976 SG

Slow and easy boy... Once your family members realise and acknowledge the IMPORTANCE of your part in the family, they would learn to respect your decisions (provided they're reasonable enough?)....

Need any more advice can always come back to us.... Cool