Originally posted by m.c.king:
Confused over my social and love life now. 24 years old and
so far, like any other people, worked their way through schools,
polytechnic, National Service and eventually now in university.
Thought I'm as "normal" as anyone but no, at least in
relationship.
Relax, relationship is just a part of your life. Though it usually
can mean quite alot to one. Depends on how ya handle it?
[b
Had met up with some secondary school friends and found almost
everyone attached, including those considered "plain Janes" (u
know, bespectacled, demure, flat-chested). This is not to be
derogatory or am I egoistic person, just some stereotypes as
examples. They got attached while back in poly, 'A' level or
NS.[/b]
Hmm... Seems to be a TREND? No wonder so many BGR problems arising
lately...? 
And me, a lone ranger as always. And I feel that something is
terribly wrong with the way I approach life maybe. Not exactly just
"my" problem, lots of my NS buddies are like me, lone rangers,
unattached.
Just because you're not in the 'TREND' doesn't necessarily means
that you're not normal...
Problem 1: I guess the problem is that I'm a person who sees
things, including relationship, as black-and-white. A colleague is
a colleague, a classmate is a classmate and a friend is well, a
friend. I wouldn't think of trying to cross that limit or border or
trying to upgrade their relationship with me to another higher
level. I respect them and keeps within the limit. And obviously I
don't assume they're keen or game for anything more. I discuss only
work with colleagues and schoolwork with classmates. And this leads
to a problem that I don't make any moves to find a girlfriend. And
no action equals no result.
Hmm... Not really a wrong thing in your handling of life-style?
Though very much agree with you that no action PROBABLY means LOWER
chance of 'result'. Your life-style handling is RESPECTABLE. If you
want anything more like a BGR, you can always try knowing a person
better or let yourself be known better by another person (provided
that she's interested in the 1st place? No point pushing too hard
as it'll usually make things worse..)....
Well, should I be a "super buaya" or predator who considers any
females that enters my radar as game for flirtation or courtship? I
seriously don't know.
Not everyone is fit for that. Trying to be someone which you isn't
usually won't land you anywhere too far too?
Problem 2: A previous badly-bungled love relationship 3 years ago
that still come back to haunt me till today. Got to know a girl 3
years ago and she is my first love actually. At that time, I just
like being with her and we communicated quite well, talking about 3
hours at time and she invited me out for a simple drink at a
fastfood restaurant near our house twice which I had to turn down
because I had to book in during NS. During that time, I kept
thinking that it wasn't love and I just happen to enjoy her company
that's all. We were together bcos of some work-related project, and
when that project ended after 2 months, we stopped seeing each
other and lost contact. Found her again 3 months later and in the
meantime she found herself a boyfriend and I refrained from trying
to muscle in and sabotage their relationship and being a third
party. I never had the chance to tell her I love her and I blame
no-one but myself today. But still can't forget her.
It's OVER. Get a LIFE. What you THINK and DO now probably won't
change much in the past anyway? Besides, you actually ain't in a
relationship with her back then? If you INSIST on BURYING yourself
in your ROTTEN THOUGHTS and TINY PAST, you'll just grow
physically... And that certainly ain't what LIVING is all
about....
Problem 3: I believe I can't promise anyone anything now and that a
woman's youth is precious. I don't want to court a girl and be a
failure in life by 30 and tell her I can't marry her and give her a
good life and happiness. And what's she's going to do at late
twenties or early thirties? Find a new soulmate? Perhaps they can
find someone much better than me if they're not to stick with me.
Not to be mistaken that I hate kids or anti-family kind of person,
in fact I love it. But even graduates aren't assured of any
financial or career security, I hate to break someone's heart and
screws up another person's life. So without anything to promise, I
chose not to be so active in finding love. Sink and die, that's my
own choice and I don't want to drag any innocent people down with
me.
Perhaps YES, perhaps NO.... I guess you just THINK TOO MUCH? How
would you know if that girl you like won't find a guy who's much
WORSE than you are...?
If you're afraid to hurt someone? FINE... Don't fall in love... And
oh yeah... In case you might bump into a girl on the streets and
cause certain misunderstandings between she and her bf, I suggest
you might as well stay at house for the rest of your life...?
And....
Perhaps I really need a psychiatries or counseller to sort out my
messy life now. Maybe my thinking and beliefs are nutty anyway.
Maybe everything sounds contradictory and confused but that's the
way it is. I don't know what to do now. Join the
condemned?
RELAX... From the sound of it you're FAR from being condemned...
Which is probably too strong a word to use in your case? Just SKIP
the 'funny thoughts' and concentrate on how to make certain
worthwhile DIFFERENCE to the structure of your life...?
