anger

last SG · 2003-04-24T11:05:55+00:00

lavender, m 32, married for a few months. Found out from his suspicious behaviour and finaly confronted him why?

Devil1976 SG

Originally posted by skinnybeanie:

of course, i hav a part to play in makin tis re'ship works. It takes 2 hands to clap. Actualluy, my style is not "carefree", my world revolves around him. And now wat i'll try to do is to spend more quality time with him. I do agree that he can be nurtured into someone really lovely, but then, i fear he is not able to give me the emotion support that i need. Instead, he keeps looking to me for emotional support, to the extent that he needs me to love him more in order for him to get over the woman. I fettl resentful regarding that...

I believe the emotional support part can be something quite lacking in him? I'm not sure to what extent can this be built up into him but I suggest you don't pin high on that? Still afterall, nobody's perfect?

I sense that he might not be exactly 'man' like you might be expecting from your partner, but your part for him is IMPORTANT... It would SHAPE very much of WHO he would become....

Regarding your need for emotional support... Here're 2 things you can do....

1. Get a FRIEND you can rely on to relate your feelings to...
2. SLOWLY show your hubby the 'weaker' and more 'femine' side of you... This can slowly build up this 'ability' of his... But remember not to overwhelm him with your loss over emotions, he probably couldn't take that...? This method is just for you to shape him so that he can be there when ya need just a little extra emotional support... Also, it'll make him a better man to confine in which is also quite important in a relationship...

i've always choose to thrash things out calmly. And if i think i can't i write a letter/email. But he mostly just kept quiet and never return my mail. I m very disappointed in this aspect.

I'm not exactly sure why he's not replying to your mails. Perhaps it's your content? Or perhaps he just don't like this style of communication? If I am to state, he's definitely someone who prefers a VERBAL communication OVER written ones...? I can sense that both your styles might not be exactly the same, but such are just minor issues of give and take.... The IMPORTANT thing is to get that COMMUNICATION ESTABLISHED?

thanks very much!

Smile My PLEASURE....

lavender_scent SG

TAURUS FEMALE
You are a complex lady. You are ruled by the planet Venus, which makes you knowledgeable instinctively in the art of seduction. You love beautiful objects and adornments and will welcome any quality gifts that your lover buys for you. You always know exactly what you want and you will become quite stubborn if you don't get it. As long as your man stays on your good side and treats you with tender loving care, you will be affectionate and willing to give him whatever he wants. You are eager to learn about life, and the man that can teach you the ins and outs will win your heart. You look for a lover who is sincere, appreciative and knowledgeable about getting the best quality for the best price. If your chosen partner lives up to your standards, you will be a loyal, loving and excellent bed mate.

GEMINI MALE
When it comes to love you are always on the move. You can't stand schedules or routine in any aspect of your life. You refuse to conform to a clock. You are likely to try to fit as much into your life at one time as possible. You are intelligent, love to communicate and you are extremely versatile and knowledgeable. You are a smooth, convincing talker and can usually capture any female that interests you through communication alone. Your youthful nature is extremely appealing to most women. Your fun loving approach to life, your passion for parties and entertainment and your constant search to experience something new and different contribute to your charm. You have a great curiosity about women and will pursue someone that interests you while a challenge exists. Your staying power in a relationship is certainly not record breaking. You tire easily and will take off to pursue new interests if you get bored

lavender_scent

lavender_scent SG

Humbly yes, I'm from Uni. But I'm a uni grad now.
I'm still not that professional, cos I'm not in helping profession. Thought of taking helping profession course in Uni, but drop the idea due to some reasons.

Anyway, thanks for ur compliments. Wink

lavender_scent

Iceangel SG

Actually perhaps both of you need to spend quality time together but at the same time spend quality time to have your own space for your own interests. Am sorry to hear that at this moment he needs u to show him more love to get over that woman. He has to be clear that he whatever happened to that woman is not emotionally-binding. He HAS to be sure. Objectively, it could be because he's know uncertain and insecure about both of your future. Qns such as "Would she do the same to hurt me?" "Why is she still willing to be with me?" etc. may run through his mind and hence, he wants to see more concern from u so that he knows he's "safe", really "safe".

Do find a real confidante like Devil said. It's impt at a point like this to have a good friend to rely upon especially since it's mentally very taxing. Sharing with someone will ease your burden and u will not feel so stress when u're facing him at home. When u dun feel so tense, chances of crossing swords with him are slimmer and perhaps you can think more calmly.

When you have to be stronger and you feel frustrated, keep repeating "I will be alright. I am gonna be fine." Take long deep breaths, clinch and let go of your fists. That may help you calm down. Even when you do break down, it will just be gentle tears. That may hit him harder that you need his strength too. Tell him that he is the head of the household and as a woman, you need his strong shoulders to lean on to.

I hope that things will get better for you and am keeping you in prayer. May God watch over you. Smilz Smile

skinnybeanie SG

[quote]Originally posted by Devil1976:
[b]Originally posted by skinnybeanie:

I believe the emotional support part can be something quite lacking in him? I'm not sure to what extent can this be built up into him but I suggest you don't pin high on that? Still afterall, nobody's perfect?

yup, currently trying to accept that he may not be able to provide for me emotionally, esp since he must be having at tough time getting over her...

I sense that he might not be exactly 'man' like you might be expecting from your partner, but your part for him is IMPORTANT... It would SHAPE very much of WHO he would become....

Regarding your need for emotional support... Here're 2 things you can do....

1. Get a FRIEND you can rely on to relate your feelings to...

have a couple of good frens to turn to, hence not so bad. I must also add that i've got quite a few good advices from here too - from you, iceangel & lavender scent. Thanks!

2. SLOWLY show your hubby the 'weaker' and more 'femine' side of you... This can slowly build up this 'ability' of his... But remember not to overwhelm him with your loss over emotions, he probably couldn't take that...? This method is just for you to shape him so that he can be there when ya need just a little extra emotional support... Also, it'll make him a better man to confine in which is also quite important in a relationship...

oh, he do knows i am weaker. I am a crybaby. Thinks i cry too much. Must really learn how to control my emotion.

I'm not exactly sure why he's not replying to your mails. Perhaps it's your content? Or perhaps he just don't like this style of communication? If I am to state, he's definitely someone who prefers a VERBAL communication OVER written ones...? I can sense that both your styles might not be exactly the same, but such are just minor issues of give and take.... The IMPORTANT thing is to get that COMMUNICATION ESTABLISHED?

he prefers to talk, but he tends to get agitated. He used to write me very lovely emails but not now.. I really miss the good ol times.

skinnybeanie SG

thanks, will take heed of your advice.
And thanks also for the prayer. Am praying for him and myself too.

Devil1976 SG

Originally posted by skinnybeanie:
he prefers to talk, but he tends to get agitated. He used to write me very lovely emails but not now.. I really miss the good ol times.

Well... Perhaps he's currently quite occupied with handling his own emotions and work...? You can always remind him of such...? Just say what you would like him to do for you... Or 'It would be nice if you can...." Got the idea?

Hope things are going on fine for you now...? Mr. Green >

skinnybeanie SG

i did remind him and also dropped very big hints, but he have not responded.

I am now on a roller-coaster of emotions, sometimes ok, sometimes v angry but mostly m sad. Just dunno how to get over e betrayal...

Devil1976 SG

Have you been expressing your 'roller coaster' in front of him...? It could be one of the possible reasons that he's still keeping his 'silence'...?

REMEMBER, what ya do have a GREAT EFFECT on him.....

Regards...

Honeybunz SG

Temper is something that you can't get rid of by losing it.
quoted from the movie Anger Management

skinnybeanie SG

my anger slowly fizzling out liao. But the bad news is, i fear my love for him also fizzling out.

Devil1976 SG

Love for someone oftens go on a roller-coaster ride too, especially if the duration is long enough... Don't be too upset about it and somehow be drawn too deeply into this belief of delusion...

You certainly can work things out on this one probably..? Wink

skinnybeanie SG

i'll give it my best shot!

apostate SG

i felt the same resentment, anger, frustration and pain in me. Similar thing happened to me. Trying to get rid of scars, but don't think have improved. Willing to give her and us 2nd chance... but sometimes it's just too much to bear...

Have been restraining myself from blowing up in her face, knowing that by doing so, things are going to get worse.

If you suceed in overcoming this, let me know how u did it. Maybe it might not help in my case, but as least I will feel better reading it.

skinnybeanie SG

sorry to hear that u r facing the same situation.
Well, i m slowly moving on, may not be progressing v fast, but well, at least thr r some improvement.
What i did is that i try my best to focus on the present and the future. I kept reminding myself again and again that he's left her and that i am the person he eventually married and wanna spend the rest of his life with. And I also told myself that people do makes mistake, big or small. And since i have agreed to forgive him and still love him, we should all move on and not dwell on the past.

Of course, the past still comes back and haunts me but i believe the freqency is gettin lower and lower and there'll come a day which i would no longer feel the pain and anger.

And I suggest u talk to your gf about it. She needs to know how you really feels about the whole issue and that she will have to give u emotional support to get thru this difficult time. She too will have to work hard to gain your trust again and provide u with the security tat a relationship should have. And on your part, you will have to learn to let go. And you too, will have to give her a certain extent of emotional support (dun forget she's human and hav feelings too). The road is long, but if love prevails, it is well worth the journey.

All the best to you.

harryryan SG

cannot be lah...most probbly numb onli....after a while....doing something to savage the situation,ok?take initiiative.....make him guilty about it.

skinnybeanie SG

thanks, mayb i am just at the low end of the rollercoaster ride... but dun worry, i will work on it. This marriage is v impt to me.

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