What should i do?

littlecanyon SG

Hi all,this is my first time posting on the forum.I really want to seek advice from others' point of view...Sry if the story seems long..

4 years ago,i met this guy in a camp.i knew he liked me and i liked him too..we got along well and he told me he liked me but we never progressed further cos i thought he had a gf back then and was flirting behind her back.nevertheless,we became realli great friends with abit of tension between us cos we knew we liked each other mutually..so sometimes,things can get quite akward.However,We graduaally lost in touch...
I saw him again last semester.He's attached now,his gf studying overseas.We exchanged contacts and chatted often.He confessed again that he likes me but i never asked him if he was refering to the past or now...He's very nice to me and confessed that he thought i didn't like him in the past cos i was pretty cold in the past(as i thought he was attached!) and that i was going overseas for university studies( i told him i had plans then),tt's y he got attached to his gf,cos she reminded him of me.I confessed that i liked him then but never mention anything abt the present.I suggested that we make a clean break as he's attaached now,but he told me to continue being such gd friends and said maybe we could get attached in future...

I'm very confused now.Should i continue being in contact with him when i already know he's attached???When it pains me tt he's attached??Also,i have tried not to flirt wif him but i realli feel tt he's a gd catch,n i shld seize the chance??Should i choose following my heart or my morals??

Is there anything wrong wif me??I never flirt but somehow,i ind tt attached guys r attracted to me and always does harmless flirting.I know it's nothing but i think this has made me seem to be a "hu li jing" in the eyes of some females.I reaalli feel wronged.Thks for reading..

Transmission SG

u are in no wrong my friend...
like someone, go for it....
but, don't regret any decision you make now ..

dun worry ..
here got lots of expert in this field...
me newbie... so advice very little one ...
haha

just my 2 cents worth
Mr. Green

InVaa SG

imagine u go overseas study.. before u leave.. ur bf tell u he will wait for u.. 2 years later u hoping happily back to sch n found out tt ur bf is attached.. he is a stranger to u.. wtf??

ScorpioX SG

you are not wrong.. but one question. do u think he is really serious abt u? all is say no action on his part (i presume). furthermore, if he can flirt with u behind his gf.. he can do e same in future when u are his gf.. follow ur heart with "at least an eye open"..

Devil1976 SG

In Love, I don't think there's really right or wrong...? Just people seeing things from different point of view....

I see nothing wrong with you keeping in contact with him even if he's attached... BUT I don't quite understand what he means when he said both of you should remain as good friends AS both of you might get attached one day...? Frankly speaking it doesn't make much of a good sense to me....? Wonder what sense does it makes to you...?

It's easy for him to do whatever he wants since ya mentioned that he's on a distant relationship...? And well... Seems like both of you are such willing parties...? I really don't know...? I think I don't really know much of the details to be in a position to comment much now...? Rolling Eyes

littlecanyon SG

thks pple..more details abt the story

We were actualli almost a couple in jc but we just never declared it.I was very immature back then and really wanted to enjoy being chased by other guys.Then,we gradualli lost touch when i moved hse after mi A levels n lost his contacts.We both didn't have handphones back then n had to rely on the telephone.So he couldn't contact mi cos he didn't have mi new contacts.Besides,we have no mutual friends.

His Gf's gd friend is a friend of mine but we never kept in touch after jc either.I met her last yr.She told mi before they got attached that he always mentions abt mi but says it's a pity i went overseas.Her gd friend jokingly said tt they're almost a couple n told mi to just play along n not contact him...I wanted to contaact him back then but i realli had onli 1 waay to contact him,through this friend and though she was joking,i dun think it's nice to ask her for his no.so i didn't.

We saw each other again in university after they just got attached n his gf is still in Sg.But we were too shocked(cos i also thought he was going to another uni)so never do anything.Then,since Jan,when his gf is no longer in Sg,he asked me for mi contacts.I thought i could handle the situation so i agreed n we resumed our chit chats like back in the jc days.He flirted wif me sometimes,but i realli never flirt back.Gradually,i realised tt i still like him a lot n must really stop all contacts with him if i don't want to harm his relationship.He has already told his gf abt seeing me again and wants to cool off(the best friend told me).

His gf did call mi n demanded tt i back out of the relationship.I agreed.But she was not very nice abt the whole thing and so i threatened to tell him tt she(gf) has always knew how to contact me but never did so cos she liked him too.After this threat,both she n her best friend r no longer mi friends. Crying or Very sad

I knew i was wrong though.So i suggested to him tt we stop all forms of contact as i find it painful to pretend to be friends with him when i like him.Yet at the same time,cannot be wif him cos i dun want to be a 3rd party.But he refused to stop contact and kept on pestering me.I relented n we r still keeping in touch.I've never had any BFs for the past 4 yrs as no other guys realli touch mi heart as he did.So,it's very difficult for mi to forget.I've tried for 4 yrs but to no avail.Everytime a guy chases mi,i'm reminded of him.My friends are split into 2 grps,1 asking me to pursue mi own happiness n the other,to stop being a 3rd party.I realli duno wat to do..continue being labelled a 3rd party bitch or try to forget when i know it's almost impossible??

littlecanyon SG

Yunhaier SG

Dear littlecanyon,

This is probably a crisis in your life you have to go through. Look - same JC, no contact whatsoever lifes goes on, then same University, problem pops back. This time he really has a gf, which is the additional new rule on the table. Karmic relation with that guy. Rolling Eyes

Seriously speaking, what can you see from someone who tries to flirt while his gf is in overseas? Then he told his gf about you and wants to cool off the relationship? I think its very unfair to you - considering the fact that he is using 'maintaing friends/contact' as an excuse to get closer and dump his present relationship when the situation arise. You did mentioned that you did not 'flirt back' - which shows that you are hesitating about his advancement. He, took his own foolish intiative and throw you into the picture. Selfish guy? Rolling Eyes

Think about this: Why can't he settle his own relationship first without throwing you into the picture?

You may love him alot, but I seriously urge you to consider all factors and option leading to this. Liking someone is only a minor factor: being with someone who will give you happiness is the most important thing. You think he can? I can't give you the answer either - this is the risk you have to take. Rolling Eyes

If I am in love with someone when I am attached, I would settle my present relationship first before starting somewhere. Well, her reputation, her image is also my concern right? You think a relationship would last when the whole world thinks that she is a *insert word here*, and the guy is going with a *insert word here*? Rolling Eyes

P.S: You could fight for your happiness and probably get it, however it may not be happiness you are fighting for.

Cheers

Devil1976 SG

Dear LittleCanyon,

Though you've explained things a bit on your side, things on his side remain uncertain and unclear. As with my previous post, I do not find anything wrong with remaining contact with him even after he's attached. Some issues might still leaves with...

1. If he purely just out for your friendship in demanding on the STAY on your contact with each other OR does he has other motives? Something which is very much unclear now...

2. I don't think there's much wrong with his gf being defensive about the both of you especially because of your past history with her bf... Given the fact that her best friend knows what's going on between you & her bf and that she's on her side doesn't make the picture any better.... Which closely relates us to the 3rd point.

3. Obviously from the way ya describe how you feel about the other guys going after you, you're still not over THIS GUY.... The funny question now is even YOU YOURSELF is having a difficult time to convince yourself that you can let go of him, it's no wonder why his gf is on her guard against you....

4. Morally speaking, if you're to go for her bf you're snatching someone's bf away... Morals aside. Not being suggestive for him to change his mind do you know if he's really interested in you? How is he feeling for his current gf now and can his words be trusted? From the way I see it, this can be a TRUE LOVE between 2 parties (you and him) or just a trap setup by him (with you being a willing party and he probably knows that you're falling for it?) Very much now would depends on (a) how well you'd know him in the past? (b) is he a trustworthy guy?(c) how much has he changed?

If your love for each other is TRUE and his feeling for his current gf is kinda weak or 'false', it's just a matter of time before everybody probably end up with unhappiness.... That's morals aside. If the mentioned case is true and both of you are persistent with the 'go ahead', be prepared for the SH[/i]IT ahead... But even if that's the case, don't take it too personally... Usually no relationship is a perfect smooth ride....

If this is a TRAP, you take care? Any wrong step could mean sort of a DEEP endless fall....

5. Additional questions if you're interested? His horoscope, your horoscope, his gf's horoscope and her best friend's horoscope?

(0-0-1-2, 0-1-2-0, 0-0-2-1, 1-0-0-2) kindly ignore this part.

Regards.