Originally posted by CuTiE~~:
*deleted a portion because post very long*
....she finds that she is still not ready for marriage yet...
she is still very
younger...22 only
she still have
feelings for [b]B (her bf for 4 yrs) and cannot forget
him
she starts to wonder
if she has been taking D as a substitute all
along...
she finds it
disgraceful walking together with D cos my fren is
the tall & slim kind while D is plump &
shorter than her
The thought of having
to give up her high heel shoes makes her very sad cos my fren loves
to wear high heel shoes. Being with D means she
has to give up heels..
claims not to love
him but have the "get-used-to-each-other" type of feeling b'cos he
treats her very nice. Fetch her to work, see him everyday...
my fren want to call off the whole thing..
she brought it up to D but the first payment for
their house of $30K has to go down the drain.
D but he seemed to threaten her with the
situations which she will have to bear...the responsibilities &
the pressure she has to face with her friends, colleagues & his
family members...he demanded a full repayment of the $30k back to
him should my fren chose to back out at this time...
worse thing is, she dragged the whole issue.......& eventually,
even went to the bridal shop to book a wedding photo package
together with him...
until yesterday, the confirmation letter on the collection of their
hse key came...she finally realise that she could not avoid
this...
she knows very sure that she dun love D but she
dunno what to do since things have already reached this
stage...
if she back out now, she will have to
repay
D the $30k
have to face
criticism from colleagues...D told her that he wun
help her to cover up...if anyone asked, he will tell them the
truth... (chances are, she will be bad-mouthed)
she brings hurt to
him..
she has to pick
herself up & live a life without D...no one to
pamper her anymore..
cannot face him in
future cos they working in the same company..
/phew...typed so much already............. 
hey pple~~ thks for enduring & finish reading........what do
you all think? any advice?? 
[/b]
Dear Cutie,
Tell for friend this: Your friend's indecisiveness
will be the downfall of herself. She has been using C as a
substitute - which shows her unstability in emotions and then D
comes into the picture, it is very likely that she accepted D based
on this unstability emotions which could likely be using him as a
substitute too.
She loved the way D treated her because she is experiencing that
postive aspect of having a relationships - being loved, etc.
Paradoxically, a good relationship somehow requires equal amount of
giving and receiving. An extreme on either side, would likely to
sink the ship. (Based on stastics and experiences).
Another issue is that the guy is 29 and she is only 22 - 7 years
difference. Yes, love knows no boundary, however obviously from
this case, we can see that the kind of emotions and love that HE
wants and SHE wants is entirely different. That guy wants to settle
down and build a family, while this girl just need to be loved and
family committment is still quite alien to her. Both of them have
different emotional and spiritual needs - when a couple wants to
settle down - they have to look at the same
direction and not against one another.
I suspect the guy felt the need to get married (socially or
personally), which gives him the urge and inclination to get house,
etc. Reasons being after being with you gf for a year and he wants
to marry her? Some people can be together for 4 years and they
don't even understand their gf/bf, even more so for a-soon-to-be
married couple. A year is far too short, this guy is making hasty
decision.
Now the ultimate issue is being raised: She doesn't love him at all
- it just because she enjoyed the feeling of the other partner
showering her with love (Based on the fact that she was hurt very
badly by B, obviously she has put in alot of effort or emotions in
it) -and that is (or him personally) something NOT WHAT SHE
WANTS.
I repeat my stand again: Her indecisivness will ruin her like
catapult on stone walls. That guy mentioned that if she wants to
back out, must fort out $30K - the question is: is it the decision
made by him alone or the both of them? If it was purely his own
wishful thinking decision, then BACKOUT, because nobody can force
you to marry someone you have no love for.
However, if you were to agree upon his decisions, then it would be
a hardnut to crack. My suggestion would be: Arrange to have a talk
with him. Tell him that 1 years is far too short for foundation of
a proper marriage. Tell him that he are not willing to settle down.
If he ask why you lead him on, etc - tell him the real reason -
your TRUE feelings.
You don't have to break him and escape because he tries to cage
you. He is a good man - just that he is far too hasty in this
decisions. My advice would be, if possible, still allow him the
chance be with you.
P.S: If a couple is truly in love, does it matter whether they are
married or not? Afterall, marriage is only a certificate. (You
could use tell him that.)
Cheers.
