Boy ar
a letter for you
Huh? A letter for me? I had never receive a letter addressed to me
before. I examined the envelope and it wrote To Cloud on the
front. Curiously, I tear opened and a letter fell out.
Dear Cloud,
Before I began, I apologise for not telling you everything about
myself. In this world, if there is one person I wouldnt want to
see crying it would have been you.
I wrote this letter on the night when we parted and promise not to
look back. Actually I broke the promise; I did looked back, because
I feared that I may not have the chance to see you again this
lifetime. I know you are putting on a brave front because as a
woman I could cry and I know you would be there to console me, but
someone has to be the stronger one to console and reassure right?
The reasons why I have to go back to Japan is because I am
suffering from a rare case of a blood cancer that may claim my life
very soon if it is not treated. My parents wants me to go back to
take a major operation there because if this operation were to
fail, I would disappear from the surface of the world and they
wants to be with me during this period, thats why I ask you if you
would come to visit me if I ask you to
The success rate of this operation is only 30% and anything could
happen. So I want to tell you that I appreciate your company, your
advices, everything you did or said. I giggled to myself every
night after we chatted online and I began to ask myself if I fell
in love with you. I guess I did, although you never express
yourself to me. Perhaps it is just one sided, but no wrong liking
you what right?
You told me you rather wait for the special one, and I told you I
will also wait for mine. During the time when I was cuddling in
you, I knew that you are the one. I hope that the cab could drive
slower because I may not get the chance to cuddle in you again. You
may find a girlfriend by then, or I am already in heaven watching
over you.
My operation begins on 24 May and I will call you maybe a week plus
before to fulfil the promise you said you would come over and visit
me in Japan. By then you would know the truth and I could see you
for the last time, at least.
But then again, if you receive this letter through mail send by my
guardian, it means that I am already gone, leaving my physical
body, leaving my suffering and of course, leaving this world. But
do not despair, as I will always be around you, shielding you like
what you did, in vain, to protect me from the rain today. You said
you are not romantic at all, but to me, you are the best a guy
could be.
I am feeling a little tired writing this letter, but I am determine
to finish what I had to say. If there is one thing final question I
want you to ask me, it would be you asking me whether if I like
good-looking guys. No, I dont like them because I like guys like
YOU unique and extraordinary, just like Rosemary in the movie we
watched together. This distinct character could only be found in
you and I want you to kept it that way for I like the way you are,
not the way you looked.
I love you, Cloud
very much
Yukiko
Tears I have been fighting back, at this time broke from my
resistance barrier and roll down my cheek as I saw the date today
27 May. I was rooted to the ground, totally defeated, lying at the
mercy of my ill-fated destiny. I clutched my head tightly as trains
of disillusioned thoughts sinks into my mind. Why DIDNT I LEFT
Singapore to Japan? I should have hack care about my examination to
be with her, her final days. I should not have delay the trip over
I should not
Decisions, most of the times, have cruel consequences regardless of
which options I chose. I was at the verge of mental breakdown,
totally confused and helpless, like a baby in crossfire, weeping
silently to myself for the tears I owe her and for the lack of
courage to express my feeling. She was waiting for me to pop the
question! And I never did! I should have fuc-king listen to Jerry.
At the very least, I could let her know HOW MUCH she meant to me
and how much I loved her
I knew something is happening to me
I was crying.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As expected, my results were good. Since that day, I never spoke
much because I was hurt, disappointed and regretted beyond words. I
sat at the bus stop where I first saw her and every scene replay
itself in my mind, like a drama. I recalled that she still owe me a
movie treat although this could never happen and thinking of it,
made me sink deeper into this whirlpool of depression.
Clutching tightly onto the heart origami that she made, I waited
for the bus and soon, it arrived.
I took it and realise that it was the same bus driver again.
Eh boy ar
why your girlfriend not with you ar?
I smiled at him and pointed to my heart.
Nope! She is with me
all the time
- The end -
* Names has been changed to protect identity *
