First and foremost - I thank everyone for their most helpful
"thesis"
Guru Yun (If I may call you that) - you really live up to your
name, your hypothesis is spot on.
Using words in the previous posting to describe the feeling and the
process I am going through can never be projected into real and
actual feelings, despite the wonderful potent exhausive English
vocab.
Yes, I have been mean to her - I admit, I havent really shown any
concern to her during the past 2 years, has it gone
bland...perhaps...has it gone sour...yes perhaps...have i been a
clown...NO...i havent been able to make her laugh and smile for a
long time...
Perhaps the fault of mine was that I was too "Deep" in my work...i
have been in a constant struggle and my hunger to climb the
corporate ladder...I was blinded by status and my position in the
company, i spent late nights working, weekends too, WHY?...you may
ask...what for...as the saying goes...behind every successful man
there is always a woman...I have taken that woman for granted...to
tell you honestly, I wanted to prove myself that I can be
successful, I THOUGHT that she would be proud of me, I THOUGHT that
I can give her happiness by means of monetary rewards...since we
first got together she told me that her dream car was XX car, what
did I do...I worked towards that...I managed to get her that car,
because she wanted it.
Just last year, her mum kinda rushed her to get married with me,
and has been pressurising her, she told me - however I asked her
face to face (when we lay in bed) do you want to get married?..she
said not yet...wait first....perhaps in a few years time....you
guys might say, how come i didnt want to get married?...am I
scared?..frighten?...NO...it wasnt the case...it was because she
didnt say she wanted it...the thought came from her mum, if she
said she wanted to get married...i wouldnt have
hesitated....similarly, the engagement, it was because she told me
that she wanted it...and hence i agreed...I didnt want to hear that
from her mum, i wanted to hear it from herself....
She has always wanted to be in Singapore, when we first quarrel
just 3 weeks ago, i said to her, if you want to go back to
Singapore, I will do just that - I will pack up my bag and go back
to Singapore tomorrow if you want. I am willing to give up
everything including my nice job in this foreign country - just to
be with her...
In a way I look to this episode and say to myself, this is a lesson
and people do make mistakes and they have to learn from their
mistakes (to guys out there, NEVER NEVER take your partner for
granted, he/she is far more important than anything else, a
wonderful career, a house, car is nothing if you come home and
there is no one at home to share all these with you...
I am glad in a way that this has surfaced, or else I will be
suffering from a career MYOPIA...all I care was to work and earn
money...forgetting the love ones....
I love her and I still do...even before this episode occured - i
would occasionally sms her and tell her that i miss her and love
her..."muacks" and all...but all this while i was at work...not
beside her...
I was rude to her, i do at times throw my temper at her...yes i
admit i did that....however everytime we quarrel, I would always
give in to her...and pretend nothing has happened....
I will try to make up to her...i have applied for a long leave...i
want to revive our feelings for one another...I have learnt my
mistake...and I will do whatever it takes to change my
attitude...
Thanks...
