i used to have a loving bf and he iwas my everything. Instead, i
left him for another guy who tended to control me a lot just the
sake of baby. over this stupid guy of mine and began to think
negatively about us... i feel he is thankful as i left my ex.. how?
he threathed to jump out of the window at my mum's place.he wanted
to take keys from the kitchen but the kitchen door locked itself.
my greatest regret was not backing out the chinese wedding as i was
not happy with him .
after i got married, he still kick a lot of fuss when i come home
late than actual timing. Nothing at home can keep me warmth. I
believe some of u guys feel that way. even he is checking my emails
whether i got any guys email behind his back or not.. not only
that, also my pager. i was tolerant with this way he did.
besides this email n pager thing, i also dun feel good at home as
his parents are the one who take care of my kids themselves even
though i didnt ask my hubby to inform his parents. (my
hearing-impaired situation, i have depend on him to tell his
parents). Sometimes, his family pass remarks to my relative -->
i being lazy and don't bother to help out. actually, i really dunno
what to do at home. another stress inside me is to read the books
up to catch up with the lesson at home after really lost with their
lectures during lesson. where got time to do my own things since i
look after 2 kids and doing his stuffs - washing and folding n
ironing? busy already..
after i put my kids to sleep, i do my sch stuffs but no mood..
thoughts bother me, in end i chat with my friends n surf in order
not to think anything...
things slowly got out of control... i decided to move out with 2
kids and stay at my mum's place for time being. tolerant with his
doing plus negative at-home-thoughts is unbearable.
during my stay at mum's place, my hubby stay overnight and begs me
to spare a thought for him. without thinking twice, i refused to
give in to him and made a promise not to step in his hse anymore
since it is unbearance so much. slowly, i scold him some more, just
to get my revenge.
in end, he started to get to know a girl and even asked her to give
him a chance to his gf... How i know? i accidently saw the letter
in his bag and thought it is a joke. i dun expect this thing to
turn out real. i beg him instead, not doing that to me anymore... i
ask him to start afresh.. he hurt me very deeply.. saying his
feeling for me is only responisble and thinking of a separation. in
order to save the marriage and my kid, i moved back and remind
myself to take thigns easy...
recently, i saw him reading email.. me very curious about this
happening in his email... he just dun want to let me see as i will
tend to imagine more unnecessary... he said it is only his student,
asking IT thing. Since it is nothing, i ask him to open his email
for me to read if he got a clear conscience. he refused. the
argument got heated, it led us to fight.. in end, he wants a
divorce. i said it is fine with me.. i am about to throw my kids
out of window and then me.. we are stopped by him.. instead, he
pushed me another angel of kitchen, thus got a very bad hurt in
physical body... nearly my head hit the door.
upon reflecting myself, i find it very very ridiculous.... also, we
just being senstive to each other's thoughts.. trust is not easy to
maintain. very terrible experience for me. i think it is important
to see things in perspective.. already dunno what to do with
myself...
