Originally posted by ApPlE_PiE:
hi pple,been a long time since i came in here..have been
very busy for the past few mths..
Recently, i got a bf.he is actually my colleague.we had know each
other for nearly a yr,i didnt noe he has a liking in me until noe
of my ex-colleague told me.at that time, i was having a eral rough
time with my ex, my bf was alwaz there accompanying me, listening
to my frustrations,advicing me etc. However, when i came to noe dat
he has a liking in me, i tried to avoid him,eventually i broke up
with my ex and was single again. So he finally pop the question. I
rejected him quite alot of times,but my colleagues kept asking me
to give it a try,hes a very nice guy. Maybe the reason y i rejected
him was bcoz i dun really love him(at dat time!!) and secondly, he
was nearly 2 yrs younger than me!
However, in the end i still agreed to be with him. As time goes by,
my love grew fonder for him. He was really a very nice bf..bcoz hes
younger, he tried very hard not to let me feel dat. 
He came frm a quite traditional family.He was one of the few
grandsons in the family, thus, everybody in his family doted on him
and was very protective of him. His parents was very unhappy with
our relationship. they think that i was leading him astray,teaching
him all the bad stuffs. His father even sent emails to me telling
me to get lost,not to stay with his son. His mother insulted my
mum, and threatened to cum up to my hse to see my mum!! 
All the while, they were alwaz throwing hurtful words at me, those
words dat u'll never want to hear frm ur partner's parents.They
forced my bf to break up with me, if not,they'll never let him in
the hse again.I oso dun wish to make things difficult for him,so i
told him to just end it there. But he was very determined to
continue this relationship...i really feel very bad...i love him
alot alot,i cun bare to lose him, but if i dun break up with
him,he'll have a tough time with his parents..i ever asked him,if
he had ever regretted being with me,he said no..i was really
touched...
pple,wat should i do?? 
[/b]
The only way to counter hostile parents is to use your only
resource available... time.
The only way to counter hostile parents is to built self character
of... perseverance
The only way to improve image of hostile parents has in you is
to... be yourself and better in or out of their presence.
One thing about his parents reaction to you perhaps is because of
their preception. How does preception comes about has to do alot
with their first impression when he spoke about you AND first
impression when they meet you. When his parents form a negative
impression of you and finally saw you, perhaps it just reinforce
what they think of you, negatively. 
One key point is whether your bf is serious about you anot, which
is the fundamental element to your problem. His parents will look
for ANY kind of ways make it seemed that you are at fault because
of rigid thinking and the only way to make them LL, which means
nothing to find fault with. With nothing practical to find fault,
its difficult to reinforce their negative views of you. Well, of
course this is harder than it is said, but your bf has to do alot
of work on this. You mention about his parents calling you to look
for him - because your bf dunno go where never inform parents kinda
of thing, which gives them the thinking of 'Oh shit, he MUST be
with her because our good son never come home so late.' kind of
thing. If you bf knew beforehand that such thing gonna happen, he
should inform his own parents that today he is not meeting you
BEFOREHAND. 
Well, its humanly impossible to change their view on you overnight,
so you have to do it gradually. The tone of voice, body expression
and appearence has to be moderated. Whatever they say, keep your
cool and smile, because grouchy character will surrender eventually
to people who doesn't even bother it. The more you bother and feel,
the WILL know it, and WILL continue to use it against you and you
will be at disadvantage. Make it seemed like you are totally
prepared and nothing going to affect you. If they throw nasty
questions like 'Why can't you leave my good son alone, $%^&'
Tell them, you will go only if your son doesn't want you (only use
this if you know for sure your bf knows you going to use it, so
both of you can plan) 
This is a war - mentally and war is tiring. Your only resource -
time, will wear down even the most powerful king, because people
gets weary on the SAME issue over a long period of time. Remember,
even if one day your bf marries you, its between the both of you,
nothing to do with the parents. Of course they will be enraged, but
10 years down the road, you think they still give a damn? When got
grandson, grand daughter liao, and already primary school, they
will be like 'aiya, whatever lar.'
P.s: This obstacle must serve to build you both, because at times
when it seemed gloomy, you both HAVE to encourage each other and
the REASONS for being in this relation. When the rain passes,
thinking back will serve beautiful memories enough to last you a
lifetime. If either one of you get tired first before his parents
does, you will lose this war. 
Prays - Email me or post it here to update your situation. Be
praying for your situations. (Not a christian - I believe in
everything and most importantly - myself)
