tezz SG Am getting married soon. But am full of doubts due to the recent events that happened. a) He told me that holding the KTV hostess waist should be acceptable as long as he does not wander up or down or go any further. b) He kicks up a fuss abt that he is abt to tied down after the wedding, so I should let him have his freedom while he can. c) Kicks up a fuss when i asked him to pick up some tickets for me from a ticket booth near his workplace. We have been going out for more than 5 years and during all these years I have been happy for him to go partying with his male buddies, all single ones. At least once a week to clubs. While I just stay at home and let them enjoy their male bonding time. He then tells me that he is abt to be tied down. Ha! I told him tt if i wanted to tie him down i would have done it b4 marriage not after. He is the guy, I am the gal here. Funny, I should be the one feeling more tied down that him. He was the one that wanted to get married ever since we went steady, I was the one that hesitated. What I am feeling now is anger and hatred for him. Do not know if I am over reacting. I don't know if I am able to forgive him moreover marry him. Would appreciate your kind advice.
reallieRAW SG Tezz i cant really provide 'gd' advices since i've never been to where u r now....Marriage......im replying juz to show my concern... To me, R/ship before a Marriage n after a Marriage may be different, so he may well be getting COLD FEET a) It's useless to argue if wat he's doing is 'ALRITE or NOT'....coz it has never occured to him & to feel in ur shoes before....Show him then Put ur hand on ur (MALE) colleague's thigh...see how he reacts. It's not to Spike him but to make him go through EXACTLY wat u've gone thru & FEEL it for himself as in case, he's SLOW?!?....might as well give him the benefit of the doubt b) For me, maybe Marriage seems like a Big Decision to make....i can empathize, so wat i'll do is to 'act in accordance' to his psychological changes. Make known to him this 'FEAR' by speaking aloud & overcoming together... c) Cant really comment much......since togther for so long.....already like 'Lao Gong Lao Puo'.......u do expect to hear this: "My pleasure, dear" ??!?! I guess it does not matter if he was the one initiating the marriage or u coz the fact is someone has to DO IT....n the Marriage can only be possible when both agree. Which means Marriage belongs to the both of u...no one has more responsiblity than the other. I've read before on couples having phobia for Marriage....no matter how long one has prepared for it.....the phobia will still be there since it's a new experience. If u can acknowledge this 'PHOBIA', u may like to talk to ur guy abt it.....maybe he's having the phobia while u r not, so it makes u really Frustrated over his actions?!? How many pple can go thru 5 yrs of Courtship & finally deciding to share their lives together?!.....i cant change ur thoughts so i can only make u see the wat u have so far
tezz SG Thank you very much for your insights. Will be doing some serious thinking. Am thinking of probably going off to some resort for the weekend to think over things.
reallieRAW SG Wow...tt's a gd idea...can relax abit How abt Identifying ur Purpose as well? Wat u Focus on will Expand so a rest will be a gd idea but Remember not to Forget tt ur Purpose eventually boils down to solving ur XXX (hee...u know so i shant mention again) Wat u can leave aside for now will come back to u in future, might as well solve 'it' for now n add on to ur knowledge in future... Many the times, Emotions cloud our View to judge Fairly Enjoy ur weekend!!!
