calling for old birds here...what can i do to help my fren?

joanne SG

hi all, calling for help here esp. to the "old birds" in forums. maybe you all can tell me what to do..

one of my best fren, she left sg for studies in aussie, and before she left, she betrayed the trust of many many ppl around her, mostly her close frens. she did them wrong in diff ways, like cheating their trust and money.. therefore, all of them chose to know find out any news of her anymore ever since she left more than 2 years back.. i am the only one that stayed with her all these while, keeping contact with her thru phone, emails, post, and gifts etc, as i felt that although she did others wrong, and i have heard so so so so much abt her, but she has nv done me wrong. i really can't describe how hurt i am everytime when ppl start to make v sacarstic remarks abt her, or being v skeptical in her r/s with this guy that she got to noe in aussie... these ppl had reasons to do so too, as she two-timed her previous bfs, got together with them for $$ etc.. there is just too much to say abt her.. but all these while, i chose to look at the good side of her..

the bf i mentioned above of hers was the one that studied in the same uni as her. i knew that she really loved him. she sounded really diff whenever she spoke of him..

greengoblin SG

I not old bird but maybe I say something lah...since she never do anything to you and you dun wish to make yourself enemy as well to those otehr fren of urs...best thing is just dun chup into the matter...this mess is created by her...she and those people have to sort it out themselves...if you join in only make things worse.

my 2¢ worth

joanne SG

and although both of them are still rather young, she being 21 yrs old, and him being 26 years old, they planned to get married in the near future and apply for aussie PR. things were really going fine for them, and they are really in love for all these 2 years.. they co-habitated and share a car etc. they shared a life, to be exact.

yesterday, i received an email from her that i cried upon reading it. she told me that her bf, had a car crash, and it was such a bad accident that he broke his spine, and will be wheelchair bound for the rest of his life. not only that, he lost his memory completely, and he cannot even move.. all these happened after he woke up from a coma of 5 days.. the driver of the other car died in the accident..

right now, the guy is completely "blank out".. he cannot recognise anyone, including his parents and my fren. he cannot even move a bit, except for his head upon the help of a machine..

my fren cried and cried everyday, and i just feel so hurt as i can imagine the pain. she was all alone when all these happened, her parents were not there for her, and she was all alone. i wished i was there for her, but i couldnt as i got to go to sch.

right now, it's been 2 months, and the guy has returned to sg with his parents. the guy's mum does update my fren every 2 days with the latest news.. but the guy doesnt seems to be any better..

my fren really love this guy, and she wants to take care of him for the whole life despite his current state. she said that they used to have fun and laughter, love and joy, and she doesnt want to abandon him..

i do support her in this way, but i do hope that she can be strong. i am v afraid that she will not be able to take all these stress and pressure.. she is still alone there.. i wish i can take a flight down and give her a hug...

this post is for all, to remind you all to treasure your love ones, before it is too late..in the last sentence of her email to me, she mentioned that the last words she ever said to him before he left the house for classes was:"See you at home after school, love you..." she was glad that at least she told him that she loves him, before he doesnt even recognise her... Crying or Very sad

joanne SG

sorry, think you replied before i finish my story.. continue to read on...

Jennifer Lopez SG

Yes, I will treasure Mille no matter what Embarassed

jOhO SG

so is that the story or there’s more?

AngelDark SG

hmmm
there's only 1 thing to do, since u have shown ur support for her all these while, and u believed in her, u shld continue to stand by her, no doubt it's an unfortunate thing that her current bf got into such an incident....

but, sincererity can touch heaven too, so it's possible that if she stands by him all the way, he will remember her... and the future will unfold....
=)

eagle SG

I consider old bird a not? Flying Eagle...

My Views
if she loves the guy that much, there is no reason y she shud not stay wif him... I'm sure she wil mature a lot a lot more after this...

and for the things that other ppl say bad abt her, i think u may as well tell her wat others say and hear her explanations... At least I think she is more mature now to be able to decide if the wrongs she has made haf to be right.....

But now u can only offer emotional support, tell her wat she is doing is right or wrong according to ur opinions...

my 1 cent worth of comments...

mikegk_76 SG

Well, of course we must cherish our loved ones, but you were saying your friends did many pple wrong, right? Maybe this is her just deserts, but hope I'm not being sarcastic. I pity your friend's plight now too, however, what she can do now is just to love her closed ones even more. Joanne, you as a friend should encourage her to be stronger too...

Devil1976 SG

Continuing to be her friend should means ALOT to her.... If you like, you can just find out from her why she did those things in the past.... But I reckon it shouldn't really matter for now, afterall, it's in the past... And for god's sake, I don't even know if those things people said about her really happened.... Even if they did perhaps she'd got her own reasons for doing them...? Her story, their stories, it's up to you to believe... But take it like a pinch of salt... Most probably you won't really be able to find out the 'truth' anyway? What's more they're already the past... Not directly linked to you....

If you wanna know more just ask her, but don't push her... If not just drop the case.... Meanwhile just continue to give her your support as a friend.... I BELIEVE your support is VITAL to her 'present existence'.... You can never imagine how IMPORTANT you might be to her at this very moment....? Whatever's in the past, whatever might happens in the future... I say she's YOUR FRIEND now..?

Cool What else can I teach you which you already not know to help her? Just keep up the good work for now...?

joanne SG

hi all, thanks for the reply. well, at this point, i just feel so so sorry for her, and i wish i was there in aussie with her. but of cos' i cant be there. anyway, all those that happened in the past abt what ppl told me abt her are really true, becos' those frens that told me abt her are my really really close frens, and in fact, they are once much closer to her than i do. they were childhood frens, and it's obvious that after she did them wrong, they shun from her. therefore, there is no reason that they would want to backstab her.

however, at this moment, i wouldn't want to approach her regarding those things.. it doesnt really matter right now i supposed. i just hope that she can be strong.

right now, she is really feeling terrible. she wants to be with that guy but that guy is right now back in sg with his parents taking care of him but my fren is still in aussie schooling.. she wants to be there yet she can't..

actually i posted this just to get this out from my heart, cos' i am really upset for her too. wanna hear some of your views. thanks for all who replied.

jeramy SG

juz relax la....life has a way of making the truth come out by itself and of course it also straighten things up when u think its all messed up. Shocked

Devil1976 SG

"Things be, be not... Not that Not's a loss....?"

bigdeal SG

Rest In Peace

joanne SG

Originally posted by bigdeal:
[b]Rest In Peace[/b]

if you got nothign better to say, i will appreciate if you can save your useless remarks to yourself. Mad

yc SG

Joanne,
Gonna agree to what Devil says. A friend in need is a friend indeed. You had done your best for supporting her and I think she does appreciate your as a friend even thought you may have your limits. No one is perfect. Wink

tinydot SG

It's good to hear that you are willing to stand by her after all this unfortunate events happened to her. Whatever done is done, she has made mistakes in the past doesn't mean she will do that again. Somehow, I got this feeling that she will change for the better, or maybe she has changed already, becoz of that terrible accident happened to her bf.

Life is really weird, and I do believe in karma. I'm not suggesting anything, but if she changes for the better due to that accident, then it's really hard, for her bf to atone for her 'sins'. Maybe I'm over-reacting...don't take this paragraph too seriously.

Anyway, back to the point, support and love is what you should give her now, like what she is doing to her bed-ridden bf now. You know very well that becoz of her past mistakes, most of her friends shun her, except you, so you couldn't possibly leave her now. And being an overseas student myself currently in Australia as well, I know the feeling of being lonely. I do need my friends support back in S'pore much as she needs yours. You are the light, bring her sunshine back to her once again!

Wish her good...and take care.