It's good to know that there is something you need to change in
order to righten this relationship. But do you know what the reason
is for attempting to change?
There has been countless debates on why someone could change becos
of their partner. IMO this situation comes across to me in a
two-fold matter:
FIRST:
No matter what we do, we are constantly changing. What we learn,
feel and experience in life will inevitably change us (for better
or worse) whether we like it or not. This is what i call
involuntary change. Examples are aplenty: when we were kids we'd
fight with our nextdoor nightbour or our siblings, but now we
don't. SImplistic maybe, but it is!
Now when a person is in a relationship with another, they can
consciously or sub-consciously change for the better of the
relationship. I say
relationship because certain things that have happened beforehand
invokes different behavior in a once-bitten-twice-shy manner. If a
certain habit of yours manages to irritate the hell out of your
partner you'll be certain to be mindful of not doing it while
he/she is around and eventually you'll get rid of the habit. I
still classify this as involuntary change becos usually it's done
sub-consciously and it's sure as hell not voluntary! It could be
out of fear, convenience or just becos you don't wanna hear him/her
nag. Remember your mother not letting you eat snacks before your
meal. I don't know about you, but I don't do it anymore, not becos
I chose not to, but becos i was more or less forced not to. Now i'm
just used to eating proper meals without snacking. (this is but ONE
example ok! and it's getting out of point anyway...)
SECOND:
Voluntary change. This is a little trickier. This is the part where
so-called true love comes in. For some reason, you seem to be
pissing your partner off, causing him/her unhappiness, discomfort
or irritation. In other words, you are hurting them, and i sure as hell do
not mean physically.
Maybe it's this simple: If you love them, yet you are hurting them,
there is obviously something wrong! So you change, because you do
not wanna hurt them so.
Now for the age old question of "If you love me, you will change
for me." Because isn't that wat the voluntary change sounds
like?
No.
I would like to rephrase it like this "My love for you will change
you. I will not, but because you know i love you, and you love me
too, this LOVE will change you."
Let love change you. Not fear, not anger, not convenience, not
becos you don't wanna hear him nag or scold you.
If you still don't change, question the love. Not the person. Becos
he shouldn't be the one changing you.
