Depression

aaron84z SG

A friend of mine ... he is attached to this girl. End up i see him in IRC with a sad nick everyday... and i ask him what's wrong.

I Found out that his gf has left for Japan, and he's too lazy to do anything but to log on ... waiting for an email or anything from her.

After some gentle probing ... i found out that he's the 2nd second of a 4 member family, and he's not so loved compared to his elder brother. His closest companion (he didn't tell me who) died some time ago. After that event, i think he changed somewhat, he admitted it himself.

Now i think he's depending too much on this gf of his. And her parents dun support the releationship ... says want the girl to study and stuff... even confronted the guy before...

I talked to him for a couple of hours ... and i still don't know how i can help.... Any constructive ideas are welcome ...

Bear SG

Not being prejudice.. btu can I know his age and education qualification?? coz different levels of maturity need to use different ways of counseling...

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( 'o' ) Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear
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(.)_(.) Beary Bear *Huggiez*...
~.~.~. For you, I care and love.

Devil1976 SG

My GUESS would be that your friend should be pretty YOUNG? Perhaps around 17 or so? I think he should try to show the gf's parents that he's MATURE enough and RESPONSIBLE enough to take care of their daughter and knows how to go about maintaining the relationship in a healthy manner... But of course, the MORE IMPORTANT thing would be concentrating on his gf....

Sorry to hear that his CLOSEST FRIEND actually died... EASY for me to SAY but I know it's HARD for him to swallow the fact... But STILL, it's a FACT... Like it or NOT let him UNDERSTAND that he would just have to live with it... There are BETTER THINGS that require his CONCENTRATION and EFFORT in life (like eg. his gf..)

He seems much WITHDRAWN or just PLAIN LAZY about the relationship. SURFACE guessing would be that he's kinda WITHDRAWN. Try to talk him out of it. Anyway, he'll still get out of it (unless he die, which likelihood seems not high), it's just a matter of TIME... Ask him if he wants to be OUT of DEPRESSION faster or later... 2 choices... He can't be staying in there FOREVER... Stay longer and hold a higher chance of messing up other things in his life.... Even if his dead friend knows about all that is happening to him he won't feel good about it... What could be WORSE than being dead? Having a closest friend mood over it and have part of his life GREATLY AFFECTED or DESTROYED....

I think he should learn to better handle his life for now... And when he can accomplish that, his gf and her parents would naturally be win over... IF it is suppose to be that way......

Bear SG

Yoz.. exact thoughts here manz... Cherish yourself or life.. love her, then prove that you're willing to give her a good life... if not, I thnik she's going to be matured enough to think that your friend is not dependable for her whole life, and will leave him... (hmm.. kind of -ve remark, will make him feel worse if he hears it)

think we should blah into his ear personally... you take left I take right.. so that make sure the thoughts stay in there... hahaha~

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()""() ************************
( 'o' ) Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear
(,) (,) =======================
(.)_(.) Beary Bear *Huggiez*...
~.~.~. For you, I care and love.

Devil1976 SG

When would you be back in Singapore? Would you be able to make it to Ruthie's Outing on the 30th Dec...??

aaron84z SG

he's 15 i think... his gf is 14... i dun even know if its a friend ... from the way he phrased it ... it could be a relative ... at least i didn't see him in irc for the past 2 days ...

[This message has been edited by aaron84z (edited 18 December 2001).]

Bear SG

Well, i'll be starting to make my journey back this coming Thursday night and will reaching singapore on Sunday... Can't believe it.. at ths age of speed and technology I'm still taking 4 days to return back... 4 days, can do a whole lot of things manz.....

Think can make it for the outing lahz.. why?? missed me so much arhz?? hehehehe~ Hopefully, no other plans on that day... especially family commitments.. coz I really missed them a lot.. lately a lot of things happen lahz.. will post my little story in another topic....

Sorryz aaron, this is irrelevant to your friend's prob.

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()""() ************************
( 'o' ) Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear
(,) (,) =======================
(.)_(.) Beary Bear *Huggiez*...
~.~.~. For you, I care and love.