Originally posted by edm:
My girlfriend and I recently had an argument and we decided
to break off. She then said that she wanted to sue me. Basically,
she wants to sue me because she claims that by lying about loving
her and staying with her even though I didn't really loved her, I
caused her severe distress, disrupted her ability to work and
support her family, caused her to incur unnecessary bill, made her
health condition worse, molested and took advantage of her and
almost left her to die.
Chances of her to sue you is below 1%. She don't have the $ to
start off with, moreover you mentioned that she's taking
multi-jobs... She won't have the TIME... And chances are she would
LOSE the case even if they decided to take the case, causing her to
incur more losses. Find a case under which she can sue you in the
1st place?
We met through an online friend finding service and started off by
talking on the phone. I never had a girlfriend before for all my 21
years and thus, when she said that she loved me even without seeing
me, I felt really flattered. I then decided to become her boyfriend
and promised to love her for the rest of my life because I felt
that she was very kind and caring. Most importantly, it was the
first time in my life that a girl said she loved me. I decided to
give this relationship a try. I must agree that ,during our time
together, she really sacrificed a lot for me and she loved me a
lot. But she always complained that I did nothing while she has
sacrified so much and we had many heated arguments and
disagreements. I then started to feel that I can't give her the
whole-hearted love that she wanted and decided that it's best we
broke up. I realised that it's not easy to be in a relationship and
I would much prefer being single.
We have been together for about 2 months plus and we had many
quarrels before and everytime when I wanted to break up, she'll
threaten to sue me and do many things to make my life miserable.
All those times, I got really scared about the implications that a
court case might have so I had no choice but to lie to her about
loving her and wanting to take care of her. I never wanted to drag
along with the relationship but I'm really afraid about her threats
to sue so I had to lie and try to 'love' her.
Part of the reason why I stayed with her was also because I was
surprised that a girl could love me so much and sacrificed so much
even though I had not been a good boyfriend. I think I'm the
irresponsible, stubborn, egoistic slacker who doesn't want
responsibility. In short, I think I'm still immature. But she
sacrificed so much for me and I felt that it was unfair and 'not
right' for me to leave her.
She has a complicated background. Her father separated from her
mother several years ago and she started working after her O levels
to support her mother and grandmother.
She is currently staying alone in a rented flat while her mother
and grandmother are in Australia. She takes on a few jobs and what
she earns monthly is barely enough for herself and sometimes she
has to go without proper meals for days while surviving on bread.
Her health condition is not that good. She has iron defiency and a
low blood count which meant that she can't be subjected to too much
stress. She also has frequent chest pains and headaches due to her
condition and stress from work. She always says that by being nice
to people, she was always taken advantage of by them. She said that
all her life, almost all the people she met or known took adantage
of her kindness, lied to her and cheated her. She also wonders why
no one ever appreciates what she has done for them, why she is
always being taken advantage of and why she was always so unlucky
in life, friends, love, health and work. This is why I think she
did so much for our relationship when I said I loved her. She
really wanted someone to love and appreciate her. And she pinned
all these hopes on me, saying that even after all she has done and
sacrificed, why can't I love her and why I lied to her. I didn't
lied to her. I did love her for the person that she was in the
first place but after being with her for a while, I realised that I
can't give her what she wanted and that I'm not ready for a
relationship. I wanted to break off then but she threatened to sue
me. That made me panic and I decided to lie and stayed with her to
prevent a court case.
How did you learn about her health conditions? Did she told you
that? Have you actually seen ANY of her medical reports or heard
from the doctors' mouth about her condition?
I think this girl have been HURT real BAD before. Now she needs
someone to heal her. But there is another problem. She seems
'distorted'. In other words, she seems to have 'hallucination' or a
high tendency to be VERY NEGATIVE in her thinking. She could also
be VERY POSSESSIVE (either as her nature or before of her
backgrounds.) PERSONALLY, I think what this girl really NEEDS is a
PSYCHIST and not just a bf to love her. From the description of
yourself and your attitudes towards her I THINK you DON'T FIT her.
The fact that you're a '1st timer' make it WORSE. Believe me she's
not someone you can handle. Even if you wanna look for LOVE, you
should know YOUR LIMITS.
My PERSONAL ADVICE for you:
If you still LOVE her, (don't have to lie to yourself, we don't
even know WHO you are SINCE you bother to get a NEW NICK for this
post) get her to see a psychist and help/guide her along the way
GIVING her your FULL SUPPORT.
If you DON'T or you decided that you want to leave her. You can go
ahead and leave her, I reckon she can't do much to you UNLESS it's
something more to the EXTREME or DRASTIC? But have a kind soul. At
least explain the situation to her and let her know what's going
(if she is CALM, REASONABLE and SENSIBLE enough to listen). Try to
get her a 'support' meaning someone who knows of the siuation to
'look after' her.
I know what I did was wrong but I really don't know what to do at
that time. If she didn't threatened to sue me on the occasions that
we wanted to break off, I believe things wouldn't have gotten so
far. Unfortunately, things have really gotten so far and now, I'm
at a loss of what to do. Should I lie to her about loving her to
prevent a court case or should I go with my heart and break off
with her even at the expense of a court case. Please advice. I'm
really desperate and stressed at the moment and I need all the
advice that I can get. Thank you for reading.
-troubled-
NEXT TIME, please let YOUR MIND do the 'thinking' 1st? Things might
not be the same the next time round....?
------------------
I have no 'friends' nor 'family'.
I hold no past and see not future...
These are just samples of illusions....
I don't exist, but I shall live ETERNITY..... DEVIL PHRASE II
ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥....
