I need advice

heaven SG

I need advice

I had ROM(Register of Married)in 1999 and have not go through the Chinese custom yet. Since the day of ROM, I had lived together with my hushand until now. He don't like me to mention about the Chinese custom. I ever mentioned to him once he said that i am pressuring him. I really don't understanding in what sense am i pressuring him? Both of us will be turning 28 years old next year. For a girl,28 yrs is not young anymore. And both of us have no financal problems.

My mother kepts pestering me about going through the Chinese customs. I understand her concered. All parents wants their children(especially for a girl) to marry off in a proper manner. I need to give them an answer. I myself also wish that i can know when can i go the customs but i can't talk to my hushand becuase i know for sure he will scold me or we will end up qurrelling.

What should i do now, as i need to give my parent an answer. An answer of the actual
day of the custom. Please help.

Atti SG

Hello heaven,

Though I am single, but i think i can understand what you r feeling and going through now. Age, to a ger esp, is a major obstruction in a relation. To make things worst, u hear nags from yr parent often, and there nothing much u can do cos its not yr fault at all.

Think the problem lies with yr hubby. To a ger, being in the late 20s is defintiely not young oredi but to a guy, he may not feel it. Actually frankly speaking i don't think u have much choice but to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him, even if u 2 have to end up quarrelling. Stress to him, make him realise the importance of a custom wedding, just like what u told us in yr posts. Make him understand yr fear such as yr age, and insecure he have given u so far.

This may sound silly but worst to worst, CRY in front of him, or at the very least shed a few tears let him see :p. Think most guys' heart will soften upon a ger's tears. So he might just give in. Who knows rite?

Hope my advice come in handy in a way or another. All the best and take care. Do keep us updated! Smile

Regards

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nOthiNg iS ImpOsSibLE In tHiS wOrLd
EvEn tHe wOrD ImPoSsiBLe SaYs "i'M pOsSiBLe"

Bear SG

I agree wif wat atti said to have a heart to heart tok wif him. But try to focus the topic to wat's on his mind?? like y he has such a tot?? I mean it will make him feel important and he will be more likely to say things becoz it's all abt him. (Com'on lahz. all of us have a selfish side lahz. we all usually think of ourselves. See photo also look for ur own face first lahz. anyone who can tell me he/she dun do that??)

Anyway back to the topic, being able to understand him and that way he thinks... Wait for him to completewat he wants to say and not argue, coz if u r to rebute, there goes the whole effort.. there will be no stop and it wun solve the prob.. it will be good try to give him a little space to breathe after u have listen to him.. compromise a little... will make him feel happier... then tell him ur position...

Hope i'm of help... and do keep us updated... coz we are really concerned

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Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear
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Larry SG

Well, I do belong to the category of disfavouring of going through customary marriages. But was convinced to do so by my parent.

U must let your husband know that such customary marriages are to give a woman status. Although we are living in the 21st century, most of our parents' mindset is still stuck in the 20th century. Without a proper customary marriage, there is no status for the woman.

Puzzle_Siaoz SG

Must it either customary or nothing?

Y not a less formal BBQ that invite all your relatives...

Just find an alternative that goes well with both parties.

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