m i being paranoid??

t|rEd SG

mebbe i m lo, mebbe i'm not...
i dunno...can't really categorise me into like a pessimist or an optimist......

anywayz, the above n this sentence were just sentences of crap to waste space n waste pple's time reading it......=)) hee~

okok, the real thing now.....u noe, i've realised tt after having been in AA for so logn rite, i've sorta become saddistic n numb to relationships problems lo.....think i needa longer break from here, but i noe i'll miss da gang lo. dunno if u pple will miss me la, since i always MIA, but anywayz, i really think i needa detoxicate myself lo....stop myself from going numb.....

no longer feel sympathy/"pity" for person in trouble........sounds selfish but i dunno wat happened to me lo.....somehow, i've lost my ability to empathise with the AA mates here...i'm really sorry lo...i really wanna help, but i sorta forgot how to....i've lost touch with myself, n with u troubled souls here.....i really miss helping u pple, n i hate the me i m now lo....

(this gonna be quite a long entry la, will try to cut short)

i noe i noe, bear u'll try to ask me not to be so hard on myself, tt i'm doing a great job at the moment, but, u never realise lo, i'm the kidn of person who when i actually tell someone nething bout myself, there's no comforting to be done, there's no advicing to be done....i just need to voice out my opinions lo. i'd have gone thru' some personal reflections to have come to this conclusion lo. so it's like my stubborn nature will not allow neone to try to change this point of view tt i hold of myself lo...

i noe u pple will wanta try to help me...but blif me, i'm not looking for any counselling lo. just trying to let go of myself.....i really appreciate ur thoughts lo. =) hee~ anyway, me oso thank those pple who actually bothered to read this lo.......

frankly speaking i haven't quite got to the point lo...paiseh.....wat i actually wanted to say rite, was tt i've actually come to be afraid of getting involved again lo.....not tt anyone actually asked me or wat....doesn't matter if there was neone who asked me la....newae, the problems i've read about made me think whether it's actually worth the while juggling studying n relationship. sure it has it's ups n downs, and when it's like sweet, it's really sweet n nice, and it's especially nice to have someone constantly supporting u n stuff, but coem to think of it, it's the downs tt actually keep me away lo...i wan to go near it, but i'm afraid.....but well, worriez not, i noe tt i'll curb tt fear in time to come. =)))

ok, end of transmission of crap......can't sem to express myself properly.....keep sidetracking to crappy tok......*sighz*

newae, if u pple have actually come to read this far, i really thank u for ur attention lo....................*hUgG|eZ*<--(for all who finished till this point)

Babyacid SG

t|red... guess the message weren't really for me as in the sense that i'm kinda new here and stuffs... and kinda sorrie i was rather a KPO and read finish the whole message ( yesh, i recieved the huggies~~ ).. not eevn sure whether mi qualified enuff to reply anotz but instincts juz tell mi to do it so here i am...

hmmz.. how should i start...

well, i don't reallie knoe what exactly happen and wat made u said tat... like under wat circumstances or condition u were in.. but i'm realie quite concerned lohz... from the sound of it, i kinda interprete it as u erm.. starting to feel less for others due to over-exposure..

but what i reckon things to be is that for u.. u juz enterted a whole new environment in jc... it's a big change of phase in life for some, possibly u... then u oso kinda facing some problems, most probably in relationships.. that's why u have a feelin tat there's so much problem all around, u feel u can't care more... but i tink in actual u wanna help but u juz feel kinda helpless, esp when u r in one and the pile of problems that AA accepts and hear out~~

btu what i wanna say is that.. actually in AA, it doesn't matter if no one replies... the actual fact why someone wanna write in here is to let out their problem.. ideal case would b someone who felt for u and feel they have sth to say, they'll voice out.. there's no such thing as compulsory must reply or sympathise the person... u dun see me replying to every topic do u? speak up when u reallie feel for the person... words out of compulsion is of no use dun u tink?

so all in all, dun blame yourself when u feel that u r feelin less.. maybe it's juz a reflex action for one when due to over-exposure of such thingy as a sense of self-protection... coz we r sort of looking into the weakness of human nature and stuffs.. mentality will tell u that human can b hurt easily and maybe out of self-protction, u sort of wanna pull out... by all means, do so.. no one will stop u... everyone needs a break from something once in a while.. but i hope that u won't leave this family for good...

i wouldn't knoe about the resst, but if i'm ever a part of family, i will patiently wait for u to cool down first then awaits u wif open arms ( or open paws ( for uncle bear ) )... AA will always welcum u back anytime...

i knoe i would~ ^_^

Lord Agony SG

Lord believez dat clever tired will somedaie walk outta da maze benith him/her/it"self"

*Pointz at da direction where there is light fer tired n smilez

------------------
Agony Strikes when death advocates. Da distrust fer all kills myself carefully everydaie .....

Bear SG

t|rEd:
u silly girl... u still young to go out and see the world. U deserve to have someone to love you, to cuddle u... Not that I'm saying u dun have, but like wat babyacid said, u r over-exposed, hence u r afraid to step into a r/s. Well, maybe getting involved to early in this forum does change some of ur opinions in life, esp in love. I still want a big treat from u in abt 9-12 yrs down the road.

I understand wat u mean abt losing the 'feel'.. I have these feelings too.. Think u spoke my heart out too. Well, if u notice, I seldom do much advising nowadays, more on crapping. Taking babyacid's post (which I'm sorry that I din contribute much), I only replied once, but still read the post though just that I can't find the feel to reply. Coz sincere and keep-u-company post are different.

Me also know that u dun want reply for ur things that u said. It's ur style, and have seen it ard for the past few mths working together in this forum. that's y I never counsel when I reply ur post, but only want to hear u out. Furthermore seeing u like a mirror reflection of myself, coz I'm more or less like u too. Prefer to listen and help others, and solve my own problems. but just want u to know that if u need an outlet to vent ur frustrations, a shoulder to cry on, a person for u beat, or an arm for u to bite, I'll always be there... Always there for u...

Will miss you... and will always be happy to hear from you and welcome you back... Can keep in contact or not?? But dun expect me to msg ur mother's hp all the time horz.. hee hee.. kind of scary by the idea to go thru someone to have a msg passed to u, though the msgs dun carry sensitive words.

Okie.. I'm kind of sad now though.. but still got one phrase of crap. Ur application for unlimited no-pay-leave is granted.. hee hee... Very Happy Duties will be covered by Bear.. haa haa..

Take care... Will always remember you... Missed you already

------------------
Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear

t|rEd SG

haizzz....to tell the truth hor, i really really really wanna reply to u pple, but as usual, u noe i cant lo. coz i very crappy, and one post would take like n hr to finish one lo. haizzz...
very very tempted to reply.......hands itching la.......shitz........
me reply tml.....me promise. i will reply to this lo...
me got some jiao dai thingy to do. =) n to let u pple noe more bout me.....haizzz...

btw, babyacid: dun feel like an outsider. as i've always posted in any welcome post to ne newbie, make urself at home. i've posted things here which is open to everyone who has the patience to read it. i thank u from the bottom of my heart for reading it till the end. i thank u for understanding oso....=) *hugz* u're soooo sweet....

bear: me reply long long msg (yes, da long long msgs again.....) tml. u wait patiently hor....me now no time.....needa go oror....i thank u for understanding me oso. =) u bery observant....n bery sweet oso.....*bear huggiez*!!!

Bear SG

*huggiez*

Nvm lahz.. can understand ur busy schedule, not like us who dun have exams and not much responsibility to bear. We have also been thru' JC life.. so know how things r in there. Not to worry lahz... Reply when u like lorz.. dun let this affect ur social life also.

Larry SG

Well, that are pros and cons in a relationship. Judging from your words, I suppose u are able to judge the weightage of either trait. Smile

Sometimes I wished I could be single...... Very Happy :p

Dreamlord SG

take a break. really. it`ll help a lot. kay, 3 weeks break. don`t say anything, don`t do anything. maybe you`ll have a better realization of what you want after that.

t|rEd SG

i tink mebbe i do worry too much lo....but haizz...3 weekz break? i wish i could lo...i mean i can break away from AA but, from my other worriez/problems, can i? in theory, yesh, in practice, no lo......it's impossible to actually take a rest now lo.....sch has already started. life has to go on....lessons has to be conducted/learnt...had a long holiday...yet i wasted it.....nah, it wasn't a waste. i think, now, it's just the accumulation of worriez lo....
nuttin much la...will leave it into the hands of god. =))) he determines wat's to happen to me........

t|rEd SG

thank u soooo much for believing in me. =))