I'm a 21 yr-old average-looking geeky NSF. I've never fallen in
love and was indifferent to girls I met while in secondary school
and polytechnic; there was no chemistry or special feeling at all
and I thought I am immune to love. But I couldn't care less about
it until it came to National Day Parade 2000.
I was tasked to be a parade coordinator (aka marshaller) for one of
the uniform group contingent. And then I met this girl (an officer)
who was in charge of the contingent. There were also other officers
around but they always move off with the contingent to the Padang
for rehearsal, leaving me and the other girl behind at the holding
area at Marina Promenade.
It wasn't love at first sight kind of thing and for the first 2
weeks, we did not talk to each other at all, nor did I pay much
attention to her -- I was just interested in familiarising myself
with all the procedures and getting my job done properly. By the
3rd week, she was the one who broke the ice and talked to me.
Strangely enough, the shy, quiet and introverted guy that I am
began talking effervescently with her, as if we were old friends
and we talked everything under the sun, from afternoon to the
night. This continued for several more weekends (from late-May till
early August about 3 months) when there's rehearsals until NDP
2000. Sometimes I noticed that she'll tell me things that she would
not even tell her fellow officers friends such as her
emotion/feeling and view on certain issues. Even other parade
coordinators noticed it and one of them whispered to me that she
may be interested in me.
I don't know if she was just being friendly or is a bit interested
in me. Each week, I looked forward the rehearsals as I could see
her but at that point of time, I thought I could control myself and
forget about her once NDP is over and I never see her again. I
convinced myself that my liking (love, crush I couldn't
differentiate) for her would fade away if I don't see her for a
prolonged period of time.
On the actual day of NDP, which was supposed to be the last time
I'll get to see her ever in my life, I was hoping to maintain some
sort of contact with her after National Day, maybe her handphone
number, home number, email, ICQ or whatever. It seems that I'm
afraid of losing her and never get to see her once more. Sadly, I
never plucked up the courage to ask her for it.
The worst torment came after the whole NDP 2000 ended and
everything has settled down. 4 months after NDP and I'm still
thinking of her. Desperate, I ended up searching for her on the
Internet and I found her ICQ number and email address.
Coincidentally enough, I found them on the eve of her birthday and
I sent her an online greeting card and surprise, she also got
online that night and we had a marathon ICQ messaging session that
lasted 3 hours into the wee hours of the morning. She said she
missed me and lamented that I lost contact with her after NDP and
that I do not have her handphone number and her address. At certain
point of our ICQ session, she coyly said I miss her. It was like
"So you miss me loh". I'm unable to to tell if she said this
half-in-jest or is trying to hint at something seriously.
For the past 2 weeks, I've not chatted with her as she wasn't
online but she's still in contact with me through email and a few
ICQ messages asking how my life went each week.
However, unlike someone who's lovelorn, I still manage to get my
everyday job and duties done and I am able to concentrate on my
training. But in my free time, my mind will start to wander and
think of her and the time we spent together. It doesn't help that
my section mates keeps singing "Hou Lai" by Rene Liu Ruoying and
other love songs! And when I look at the Changi Airport control
tower from Pulau Tekong, although just separated by a small stretch
of sea, I feel the distance between she and I are poles apart and
I'm losing her. And the weird thing is that I do not harbour any
sexual thoughts about her and just thoughts of being with her is
enough to make me feel happy. Isn't this abnormal for a male?
I'm now utterly confused and I don't know if this is love, a
temporary crush on someone, or an unhealthy obsession that requires
me to see a psychologist/psychiatrist.
How do I tell if she's also interested in me? Is it possible to
tell or gauge her thinking based on details in my far-too-long
story? And does she want to further our relationship? What's the
success rate for this relationship, virtually nil? Should I let her
know about this and when should I break the news to her? I fear
she'll reject me for breaking the news too soon and should I get to
know her better as a casual friend before telling her?
For the time being, I'm still looking forward each bookout and
hoping to meet her online someday...
Any advice will help greatly. Thanks.
[This message has been edited by m.c.king (edited 26 November
2000).]
[This message has been edited by m.c.king (edited 26 November
2000).]
[This message has been edited by m.c.king (edited 26 November
2000).]
