When what you GiVe, you don't ReCeive

SaDness SG

Anyone given a thought as to, when u like someone enuf to give ur everything, but seemingly u get nothing ??

Do you end up giving up, or wat ??
Watz to be done to stop it !!

YoShii SG

Sadness, I know is quite upsetting when such things happen, and it usually does. Probably it may just be one perception on our part - that is, the person may be giving, but we think that he/she is not.

Sometimes, we give and subconciously expect something in return (which i realised it is wrong). Then when we don't get it, we will get very upset.

I have read a book. It says that if you feel that you have given more than you are receiving, one way to make you feel better is to stop giving for the time being. I am not sure how true is that. You can try?

Ixion SG

Just like a normal telephone conversation, both need to speak and listen. Likewise, both have to give and take. (Not, one give and the other take ALL THE TIME.)

Re-evaluate the status of things: why are you giving so much? Is it because you love him/her? Or could it be by her (let's just assume - him/her gets irritating after a while) nonchalant attitude towards you that you may subconsciously want to touch her heart? Or worse, feel indebted so that she will start giving in to you?

When you are no longer a cheerful giver, your spirit starts to grumble. What for? If you already feel obligated to give, then I think you should re-evaluate your choice & reason to give. Also, by making this choice to give continuously, you lose to right to say that she is taking you for granted, simply because you have relinquished that power over to her.

U think?

[This message has been edited by Ixion (edited 26 April 2000).]

ZongXian SG

I recently broke up, probably due to the fact that my gf expected more from me. I found myself giving alot, more than any of my ex-steads, but I just don't know why I am willing to give so much. I think I realy love her from the bottom of my heart. The thing that makes me frustrated and confused is that she always talks about her ex...saying how much he has given, and that makes me feel so lousy (like I couldn't give as much as he can). I feel the thing is she has really settled things over the other side and we started too fast.

Anyway, as long as you love someone, just go ahead and give as much as you can. You won't really feel the need for her to return that much if you truly love her. Treasure the times you two have together and you won't regret the giving at all.........

Take care.

Churra SG

I knew that my ex gives a lot to our relationship. It's not that i dun wanna contribute as much.
Maybe it's becoz i dun love him enough? I guess so.
Becoz, i am really giving in a lot to my current bf whom i really love.

SaDness SG

So the crux of the idea is, when we start giving so much, is there a line to draw that informs us enuf is enuf ...

When we give so much into a relationship to try and make it happen, what issit really that we're expecting from the her ?

Sadly, more often then not it's the receipt of pity or gratitude more than any other feelings of returned love.

So when's really enuf to know that the giving has to stop, 'cos it onli hurts urself n the other party...

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If DreaMs were true, They would surely HaF you...

ZongXian SG

Hey churra....so coincidental seeing you here..after seeing you reply to my school bands forum...heeee.....
sighz...i dunno why sometimes girls like to be pampered so much....to the extend that they turn moody or they just complain that we guys dunno how to pamper girls....it just sucks....pampering is a must....but with respect to different situations....i dun believe in giving in all the time...

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Spaces between our fingers are there so that another person's fingers can fit in them, I wish they were yours

SecMinHr SG

Call me weak if u wan, but if i really love her..and when she throw tantrums or be unreasonable in my opinion, i will still keep cool, endure..and try to abide to her wishes..this ONI applies to her though, if its any other person..i would juz ask him/her to step aside and get lost…perhaps …one is more vulnerable when facing his loved ones ..coz u really treasure and hope her to be happy .. some ppl call such a person a hypocrite..comments?

moose SG

Hmmm,girls like to be pampered,dunno why lah,but it's like a fact of life,so although i will sometimes try to pamper my gf(if i had one,haaha),i dun believe in going overboard or else it may be taken for granted,heheeh Smile ))

YoShii SG

SecMinHr,

I like your style with regards to the following. Lucky her Smile

Call me weak if u wan, but if i really love her..and when she throw tantrums or be unreasonable in my opinion, i will still keep cool, endure..and try to abide to her wishes..this ONI applies to her though, if its any other person..i would juz ask him/her to step aside and get lost...perhaps ...one is more vulnerable when facing his loved ones ..coz u really treasure and hope her to be happy ..

As to your question, I don't consider that as a hypocrite actually. Girls like to be pampered (no doubts about it) and to have guys giving in to her (sometimes even if she knows she is wrong). But I don't think that you should let her have her way and submissively give in to her, without telling her how you feels.

She would appreciate more if you communicate your feelings and what you are upset about (eg. her behaviour,etc), in a nice way of coz (The tone is very important and don't let her have the feeling that you are blaming her). I am sure she won't mind and both of you will understand each other more after that. You will also be experiencing less of her unreasonable acts and nonsense. ehhehe Very Happy

Comments?

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You will never realise what you have, Until you lose it.
You will never know what you really want, Until you find it.

[This message has been edited by YoShii (edited 29 April 2000).]

moose SG

I agree with you,Yoshii,it's ok to give in ocasionally,but not too often as she will only be more pampered,also there msut always be open communication about how you feel when she act this way or another Smile ))

SecMinHr SG

Hi yoshi, thanks for the compliment, well one thing is for sure, gotto know how to differentiate between pampering and submissive...totally 2 different issues...when it comes to issues whereby she prefers to do it..or when she likes to do it..and its not against my wishes or anything...then we jus give in and abide..even though u are not 100% keen..thatz pampering..well as to the latter...if she is unreasonable, in the wrong as still demands me to give in..then thatz wrong, how i resolve usually is as per correctly pointed out..change of tone and body language...there are instances whereby she jus got shocked and said "why so serious? ay..forget abt it...sorry ok?"...wat do u think?

cheers

YoShii SG

Moose: Probably you have misinterpreted my message. heheheh Wink I am always in the view that girls must be pampered (or in SMH's definition-guys giving in) always heheh (I am just another spoilt girl out there :p) just that guys must at the same time find out the reason why she behaves in that way and try to improve the situation.

SMH, Only the tone and body language? Does that mean she still do not know exactly what you are upset about and that she just knows that you are unhappy? Or does your tone and body language says it all? Wink

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You will never realise what you have, Until you lose it.
You will never know what you really want, Until you find it.

SecMinHr SG

Well, i think its pretty appropriate to put it that way, as to guys shld try to find out why she is feeling that way and then try to understand and rectify. Tone and body language..err..how shld i put it..the mutual understanding is there lor...pretty hard to describle..juz a feeling lor..sudden change in atmosphere and ambience..we will noe..be it she or me...like..a more serious note..or change in facial expression?..well..we will definitely know watz wrong..coz we have a common policy..to declare to each other from start, if any party is suffering from PMS..so that the other party would noe watz wrong and be more tolerant... cheers.. Smile
relationship...sigh...sweet and agonising at times...

t|rEd SG

like in a friendship, (i'm taking the literal meaning of giving) sometimes, i'll get like small small things that she likes, just to make her happy. no special occasion, but just for one special and particular reason, coz she's my friend, and i love her. =) i'm not a lesbian la... it's a great feeling to see someone u love happy. it's like when u give this thing to her, her whole face lights up. sometimes, the thing may not be exactly the kind of thing she really like, but it's the thought of me getting something for her, and thinking of her which lights up her whole face. just see-ing my friend happy is a great sense of satisfaction for me.

so i guess the same goes for someone in a relationship. i'll try to give unconditionally, coz i know that whenever i see him happy, i too will be happy. but well, if he keeps taking and doesn't give any back, i'll get tired eventually. so it's like it needs to be a two way thing. goes for all relationships..friends, lover, family.....

SaDness SG

I think giving is not only the literal, but so much meaning in it has to be reunderstood...

I could be giving when I to avoid the person i like simply bcos i know the feeling isn't mutual and she'll forever be happier with me disappearing from existence.

In this sense, in giving, i've destroyed myself totalli... makes sense, sense ?