How many lawyers does it take to
change a lightbulb?
Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task
in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the
following agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also
known as "The Lawyer," and the party of the second part, also known
as "The Light Bulb," do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction
wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed
from the current position as a result of failure to perform
previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and
otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north)
door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the
primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any
spill-over illumination being at the option of the party of the
second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned
agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal
transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following
steps:
The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without
elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or
any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part
(Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb)
in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being
non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the
second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the
first part (Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the
first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the
party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the
aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb)
to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties. The
foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that
structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may
be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such
case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless
for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned
so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil
(counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part
(Lawyer) throughout.
Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light
Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part
("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the
option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in
a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal
statutes.
Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the
first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation
of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This
installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of
the procedures described in step one of this self-same document,
being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise
direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.
NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of
the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first
part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons
authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level
of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned
front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and
revenue for the party of the fifth part.
