>what u say is so true... the part abt how a guy may feel his
gf is clinging becos he wants a lifestyle focused on other
aspects
then what do u suggest the gal do?
Frankly, communication is the best way to deal with such a problem.
Talk it out with him...tell him you cherish the relationship, ask
him why is it he seems to want to keep a distance. Perhaps, without
realising it, he is commitment shy - and if so... what's the real
reason behind it?
Sometimes, men need a real wacking in order to realise they could
just lose a perfectly beautiful relationship if they do not cherish
it.
But ultimately, at the end of the day... two people in a
relationship may be so different when it comes to prioritizing,
that there's no way the two can be happy, unless one party changes
his/her priorioties. That takes sacrifice. But not everyone can do
that, without feeling utterly wretched and miserable.
As we all know... a relationship is about give and take. Some
people give more, some people take more. How does one refrain from
giving (love), if they are naturally affectionate? You can't stop
yourself from feeling and caring for the other party. You can't
stop yourself from feeling hurt when he prefers to spend his time
elsewhere, rather than with you.
And perhaps, he can't stop himself from needing his own private
space, and NOT wanting to spend more time with you.
In cases like these... perhaps, in the long term... the couple may
not be absolutely suitable for each other. I do not propose a break
up...because I believe that every relationship can be worked out,
as long as the two people genuinely love each other and WANT the
relationship to work. That means two sides putting in effort, time
and care. That means...COMMITTMENT to make things work.
Alas, a lot of people give up half way... granted, tis always
easier to start a new relationship on a fresh slate... rather than
work on a draining, stale relationship. Even on the pretext of
"love", many people just do NOT love enough, but we just continue
to lie to ourselves that we do. Maybe this self-deception makes us
feel better that we ARE capable of loving, instead of being selfish
to our own wants and needs.
>is it wrong to want to spend more time with your partner?
No it isn't. To me, it is a very natural expression of love. What's
so unnatural about wanting to be close to your loved one?
>and how when he doesn't want to do so?
Well... worst case scenario..sometimes, we just have to accept the
fact that some people are so different, it's gonna be real
difficult to stay together. One of you may end up truly
miserable.
You can try to adapt to his mode of life style, but you may end up
feeling lonely, detached...emotionally unfulfilled. Question is -
how long can one last in a relationship where there is a lack of
emotional fulfillment?
Weeks/months/years? I don't know... but I sure know that it's
potential for danger if someone else comes along and seemingly
provides you with everything else your beau cannot offer. It could
spell doom, gloom, and...*gasp* INFIDELITY. Don't risk it.
I know I said "everything can be worked out". But question is..."do
you want to spend the rest of your life working it out???". Or
would you rather go for someone who is seemingly "more suitable"
for you?
------------------
"Old friends pass away, new friends appear.
It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day
arrives.
The important thing is to make it meaningful:
a meaningful friend -- or a meaningful day."
- Quote from H.H. the Dalai Lama
