As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up
frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die
feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this
plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron
this!".
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One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she
notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.
"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three
wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square,
what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second,
"I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've
got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a
Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million
dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make
your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK
then, if that's what it takes..."
Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.
"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she
replies
"Fuck me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in
goblins"
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How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when
they leave
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There are four kinds of sex :
HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the
house in every room.
BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only
have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just
pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"
COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the
divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've
got.
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A dog, a cat, and a penis are sitting around a camp fire one night.
The dog says, "My life sucks, my master makes me do my business on
a fire hydrent!". The cat says, "I don't think so, my master makes
me do my business in a box of cat litter." The penis outraged, says
"At least your master doesn't put a bag over your head and make you
do push ups until you throw up
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Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so
they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on
the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of
getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and
unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the
middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was
skiing!"
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A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon
before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be
gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied,
"How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The
wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all
he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a
psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my
third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do
was...oh, do I miss him!"
