There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long
business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he
thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he
was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing
someone else.
So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking
around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too
close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos,
looking for something special to please his wife, and started
talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his
situation, to the old man.
"Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We
have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't
know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except
"
said the old man, and then he stopped.
"Except what?" asked the businessman.
"Nothing, nothing," said the old man.
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!" protested the
businessman.
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo
dick,'" the old man said.
"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" the businessman asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden
box carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very
ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said, "Big
fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man said, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door."
The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and
started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the
vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door
could split, the old man said, "Voodoo dick, get back in your
box!"
The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there,
quiescent once more.
The businessman said, "I'll take it!"
The old man resisted and said it wasn't for sale, but he finally
surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told
her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do
was say, "Voodoo dick, my pussy."
He left for his trip satisfied things would be fine while he was
gone.
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She
thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then
she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo
dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started
pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced
before.
After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to
pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried
and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot
to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the
hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in
the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every
thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her
swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He
asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking,
but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop
screwing.
The officer looked at her for a second, and then said, "Yea, right.
Voodoo dick, my ass!"
