and you thought Ch!nese wh0res are expensive!

sexiest_studin_world SG · 2005-10-20T21:57:18+00:00

You are probably a chinese if you want to wank sexiest_studin_world’s whitechick mother to give sexiest_studin_world a younger bro/sis.

sexiest_studin_world SG

http://members.ozemail.com.au/~natinfo/jokes.htm#chinese

Q: What's yellow and goes "cheep, cheep"?
A: A Chinese prostitute.

here's another funny one

Asian Room Service

Conversation between Room Service and guest in Asian Hotel. Read Aloud for maximum entertainment

Room Service: Morny. Ruin sorbees.

Guest: Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.

RS: Rye . . . Ruin sorbees . . . morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??

G: Uh . . . yes . . . I'd like some bacon and eggs.

RS: Ow July den?

G: What??

RS: Ow July den? . . . pry, boy, pooch?

G : Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please.

RS: Ow July dee bayhcem . . . crease?

G: Crisp will be fine.

RS : Hokay. An San tos?

G: What?

RS: San tos. July San tos?

G: I don't think so.

RS: No? Judo one toes??

G: I feel really bad about this, but I dont know what "judo one toes" means.

RS: Toes! toes! . . . why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?

G: English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying "Toast." Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.

RS: We bother?

G: No . . . just put the bother on the side.

RS: Wad?

G: I mean butter . . . just put it on the side.

RS: Copy?

G: Sorry?

RS: Copy . . . tea . . . mill?

G: Yes. Coffee please, and that's all.

RS: One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy . . . rye??

G: Whatever you say.

RS: Tendjewberrymud.

G : You're welcome.

a very offensive one

Row Of Chinese People

what do you call a row of chinese people linked by their arms? a chink link fence

Q: Why can't Chinese Barbecue?

A: Because the rice falls through the grill

sexiest_studin_world SG

A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the
Maitre'd that there will be at least a twenty minute wait.
"Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?", he says.
The man goes into the bar and the bartender says, "What'll it be?"
The man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist."
The bartender pauses for a few seconds, then smiles and
says, "Once upon time, there were FOUR little peegs . . . "

Two Chinese tourists were visiting USA. After some rambling, they got rather hungry.

The first said, "I'd love to eat some dog."

The second "Me, too! And look at that sign! It says, 'HOT DOGS'!"

The other Chinese flicks through his English-Chinese dictionary and is confirmed that they serve dog there. They both walk into the shop and order hot dogs.

After receiving their meals, the first Chinese looks between the bun and goes all white. He stares at his friend and asks, "Which part of the dog's anatomy did YOU get?"

chinese people's excellent command of the white man's language

Chinese Detective

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man so he hired a famous Chinese detective to watch and report activities while he was gone.

A few days later he received this report:

Most Hon'ble Sir,

You leave the house.
I watch house.

He come to house.
I watch.

He and she leave house.
I follow.

He and she get on train.
I follow.

He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree - look in window.

He kiss she.
She kiss he.

He strip she.
She strip he.

He play with she.
She play with he.

I play with me.
Fall out of tree.

Not see.
No fee.

sexiest_studin_world SG

A Chinese Baby

A Chinese couple had a new baby. The nurse brings them over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, black baby boy.
"Congratulations," says the nurse to the new parents. "What will you name the baby?" The puzzled father looks at his new child and says "I think we will name him "Sum Ting Wong."

Sum Ting Wong sounds like "Something wrong"

sexiest_studin_world SG

WHY CHINESE HAVE YELLOW BABIES

Why do the Chinese only have yellow babies?
Ans: Because two wongs don't make a white.

sexiest_studin_world SG

How to Be A Cool Asian

Wear clothes of two colors: your choice of black or white
Own an alphanumeric pager with a built in answering machine
Own a cellular phone with a built in answering machine
Have only Asian friends
Speak only in Asian languages
Dress as though you're headed for a party when you're actually going to class
If you're a girl, BE SURE TO STUFF YOUR BRA
If you're a guy, BE SURE TO SOUP UP YOUR ACURA INTEGRA
Smoke even if you don't know how to, especially if you're with friends
Travel only in droves of 10 and above to parties
Go to all the cool Asian "intercollegiate parties"!
Refuse to dance to anything but techno music
Whenever in droves of 10 or more Asians, stare menacingly at all other Asians
Dance in circles at all parties and clubs
If you're a guy, BE SURE TO COP CHEAP FEELS OFF GIRLS YOU LIKE!
If you're a girl, BE SURE TO RUN YOUR FINGERS THROUGH YOUR HAIR EACH TIME YOU SEE A HOT GUY!
Wear only designer labels
Make sure designer labels are extremely visible. Better yet, make sure that the make is emblazoned on the front of the apparel
Own a pair of Doc Martens
Be very good at pool. Own a cue stick if you can, even if you know nothing about them
Make sure your parents are doctors, or better yet, grocery store owners
BELIEVE IN BARN JACKETS, J. CREW, AND TOMMY HILFIGER
Make sure you install every possible option you can in your car
Own a sports car
Date only someone that a friend of yours has already dated
Be an officer in the KSA/CSA of your respective school
Be a Christian pretending to actually care about the religion
Use church as a social ground to meet potential dates
If you're a guy, make sure your hair looks like the head of a circumsized penis
If you're a girl, make sure your hair is colored with tinges of brown or red for optimal "coolness"
Two words: Manhattan Portage
If you're a guy, don't be embarassed that your penis is small. Instead, simply make sure that its size is inversely related to the loudness of your car's engine
If you're a girl, don't be embarassed about your small chest. Instead, make sure that its size is inversely related to the amount of make up on your face
If you're a girl, weigh no more than 75 lbs.
If you're Korean girl, have eye surgery done so you can look like a goldfish
Date only the people from your own clique, or even "a cooler one"!
If you're in a group of 10 or more friends, stare menacingly at all interracial couples you see.
If you're a guy, start having insecurities and complain about the "theft" of your women
If you're a girl... well, Asian men never date interracially anyway.

sexiest_studin_world SG

http://www.e-hawaii.com/fun/jokes/ykya_if.htm

Local Style Jokes
(Be forewarned... Content may be slightly offensive... laugh at your own risk!)

You Know You Are ___ If...
(Submitted via email by Scott)

YOU KNOW YOU ARE JAPANESE IF...

Youre obsessed with you hair, your car, and your clothes
You want to marry a Korean American or Chinese American woman (males); or you want to marry a white guy (females).
Youre afraid of black people.
You know you are superior to all other Asians.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE KOREAN IF...

You smoke and drink too much.
Youre actually sorry that Margaret Chos sitcom was canceled.
Youre afraid of black people.
You know you are superior to all other Asians.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE CHINESE IF...

You think youre the smartest people in the world.
You have a pager and cellular phone with you at all times.
Todays steamed rice is tomorrows fried rice.
Youre afraid of black people.
You know you are superior to all other Asians
YOU KNOW YOU ARE CAMBODIAN IF...

You own, have relative who owns, or know someone who owns a DONUT SHOP!!!
You have a life time job at a donut shop.
You still work at a donut shop on weekends even if you have a full time job outside.
You HATE Donuts!!
You cant live without steamed rice.
You want other Asians to stop meddling in your country.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE VIETNAMESE IF...

Youve gotta have fish sauce with every meal.
You eat at a restaurant that has "Pho."
You have some relative who is Chinese.
Youre afraid of black people.
You know you are superior to all other Asians.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE FILIPINO IF...

You want to be a dancer, a singer, or an actor, even though you have a day job as a nurse, a security guard, or an accountant.
A member of your family back home is a politician or a movie star.
Youre not afraid of black people; in fact, you wish you were black.
You dont care if you are superior to all other Asians or not, because being Filipino is just cool in itself.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE THAI IF...

No matter what you eat, its not greasy or spicy enough.
Youre not afraid of black people, because in some cases youre just as dark as they are.
You know in your heart that you will never be superior to all other Asians, but youve learned to live with it.

sexiest_studin_world SG

http://www.e-hawaii.com/fun/jokes/ypcif.htm

You're Probably Chinese If...
(Submitted via email by Clinton)

You eat rice for breakfast.
Your friends and everybody else assume you know Kung Fu.
You remember or still use "the bowl" for haircuts.
Your folks kitchen have a constant lingering aroma.
You notice the main topic at family get-togethers is food.
Your parents lifelong ambition is to go to Las Vegas.
You never ever sat down on Popos warm chair after she got up.
You seldom ever owned new clothes if you were a second child.
Your folks never speak under 10 decibels at family gatherings.
You never made the school football or basketball team.
You have two middle initials instead of one.
You have an inherent "fear" for bamboo feather dusters.
Your "hot" date is going to your parents house to have "jook".
Your living room sofas have covers on them.
You laugh at Kan Tong and Chung King commercials.
You inform the ticket clerk that your 13 year old is 12 to avoid paying adult fare.
You sneak in snacks at the movie theater.
Your grandmother smell like mothballs.
Youd bring home a Caucasian friend and "popo" would be cooking something that smelled like it had died a week ago.
You were told you all look alike.
You know how to pinch someone with your toes.
You graduated from UCI or knows of someone who did.
You would drive around the block 10 times rather than pay for parking.
You have a hard time pronouncing "aluminum" and "lobster claw".
You truly believe that your neighbor could use that old sweater rather than throwing it away.
You would take that sweater if you were your neighbor.
You would stand in line for hours and hours for a free gift whether you needed it or not.
You have clothes in your closet that is coming back in style.
Youve seen every Bruce Lee movie.
You still have your old slide rule.
You never order chop suey or egg foo young.
You have a relative or friend who works as a waiter or cook.
You prefer your chicken and shrimp served with heads and feet still attached.
You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.
You spit bones and other food scraps on the table (thats why you need a vinyl tablecloth).
Your parents know how to launch nasal projectiles.
You buy on sale 100 rolls of toilet paper and store them in a closet or in a vacant room when your adult child moves out.
You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas when its 50% off.
Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.
Your stove is covered with tin foil.
You have stuff in your freezer since the beginning of time.
You have never used your dishwasher.
You use your dishwasher as a dish rack.
You boil water and put it in the refrigerator.
You keep a thermos of hot water available at all times.
You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.
You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
You eat all meals in the kitchen.
You bring oranges or other produce with you as a gift when you visit peoples homes.
You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully to save and reuse wrappings and bows.
You feel like youve won the lottery if you didnt have to pay tax for an item.
You starve yourself all day before going to an all you can eat buffet.
You stop dialing 411 information when they started to charge for each call.
You only call long distance after 11 PM.
You suck on salty preserved seeds for a sore throat.
You keep a stash of Li Hing Mui at home.
Your eyes resemble dime slots when you laugh.
You know what the term "FOB" and "ABC" means.
You laugh at Martin Yans jokes not because hes funny.
Your parents have a glass jar of preserved limes aging on top of the roof.
You own a wok.
You know what a "bow" isand it doesnt mean to bend over.
You never eat fried foods when youre sick (it creates phlegm and hot air).
You would prefer your fish entree staring at you on the dinner table.
You never discuss your love life with your parents.
Your parents still use a clothes line.
You save your old coke bottle glasses even though youre never going to use them again.
You keep most of your money in a savings account.
You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.
Youve joined a CD club at least once.
You keep used batteries.
You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics.
Youre always late.
You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but dont eat the last piece of food on the table.
You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
Your dad thinks he can fix anything.
You live with your parents and over 30 years old (and they like it that way). And if youre married, you live in the apartment next to your parents, or in the same neighborhood.
Your parents house is always cold.
You beat eggs with chopsticks.
You never use measuring cups.
You reuse tea bags.
You tip Chinese delivery guys/waiters more.
You never call your parents to say hi.
You always cook too much.
Your parents always ask you if youve eaten, even though its midnight.
Your parents send money to their relatives in China.
Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay inside when youre sick.
You have a drawer full of used pens, most of which dont write anymore.
You know all the waiters at your favorite Chinese restaurant.
Your parents never go to the movies.
You notice at dances, a wall of guys standing together trying to look cool.
You iron your own shirts.
You play a musical instrument.
You dont own any real Tupperware, only used margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.
You never leave any leftovers on the table in a restaurant. You have it put in boxes or finish it.
Your ketchup, mayonnaise, and mustard in the refrigerator are all "Price Club-size".
You have an assortment of condiments and utensils from fast food takeouts stuffed in a drawer.
You never order for room service.
You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine, or law.
Your parents are never satisfied with your grades.
You own a rice cooker.
You buy rice in 50 pound sacks.
You wash rice 2 to 3 times before you cook it.
You steam something on top of your rice while its cooking.
You have acquired a taste for bitter melon.
You like congee with thousand year old eggs.
You always carry a stash of food when you travel like preserved plums, beef jerky, or dried cuttlefish.
Your parents vehemently refuse the sack of gold coin oranges that their guests brought to be courteous.
You know what MJ means.
You pick your teeth at the dinner table, but you cover your mouth.
You have a piano in the living room.
You live in an apartment and your parents always want you to come home.
You have a rice cooker to check in at the airport when you travel.
You grow your own bean sprouts in the kitchen.
Your mother made you peel water chestnuts and snow peas.
You have an lonely unmarried relative who frequently drops by during dinner time.
You received little red envelopes containing money on special occasions.
You use the underside of a porcelain bowl to sharpen your knives.
You cut your own hairor had someone in your family do it.
Your grandmother has a lot of gold teethespecially in front.
You keep fresh garlic and ginger in the kitchen at all times.
You know what the term "lemon" or a "banana" means.
You only have to shave every other day (maybe).
You tell your friends that youre starting a new mustache when you really had it for several months.
You wash and reuse ziplock bags.
You save your childrens halloween candy and give it out the next year.
You either love or hate "mooncakes".
You know at least three people named Alan Wong.
Your parents constantly complain you use too much toilet paper when you go to the bathroom.
You hated that black herb medicine that your parents forced you to drink when you were sick.
Your parents have kitchen towels made of old cloth rice bags.
You never drank milk after eating cherries.
Youve swallowed those tiny "BBs" with hot tea for a tummy ache.
Your mother has a short-haired, curly perm.
Youve asked your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later theyre still lecturing.
You shop at 99 Ranch Markets.
Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends kids.
Youve had to sit through karaoke videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest, or library.
Youve had to eat parts of animals that they dont even put in hotdogs.
You have piles of shoes and slippers blocking the entrances to your home.
You have no eyelashes!
Your idiot friends try to impress you with pathetic imitation languages, like the ever so popular "ching chong woo bok chi"etc.
Your biology lecture on marine life (seaweed, octopii, sea cucumbers, etc.) was last nights dinner.
You have at least one family member who wears black wire or plastic framed glasses.
You have several relatives who wear glassesthick glasses.
You like $1.75 movies
You like $1.50 movies even more!
Your parents never kissed youyour parents never kissed each other.
Your friends ask you to translate the scribbles on chopsticks (like you really know what it means!).
You call all your parents friends "auntie or uncle".
You get nothing if you do well in school, but get in big trouble if you dont.
Your dad still pulls his socks up to his kneesyou know, the ones with the blue and pink stripes at the top.
Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow" into them and wear them for years to come.
Your family always cheer for the Asian athlete competing (eg. Michael Chang, Michelle Kwan, etc).
Your parents or relatives have goldfish swimming in an aquarium.
Your first generation relatives have a statue of an obese, bald-headed man surrounded by children.
Your parents collect jade jewelry.
Your friends from China think anything from the old country is considered "good stuff".
You know not to eat the oranges or tangerines arranged in a little pyramid.
You always drink tea after a meal.
Your dad owns at least one bird.
Your parents grow vegetables in a garden.
You use doilies to decorate your furniture.
Your friends automatically assume youre good at math.
You are good at math!!! (the hell with humility).
You know how to pick out the meat in watermelon seeds with your teeth.
Your grandmother rapped your knuckles with her chopsticks while reaching food with your fingers.
You are now planning to Email this list ASAP to another Chinese friend!

sexiest_studin_world SG

http://www.e-hawaii.com/fun/jokes/ypcif.htm

continued....

sexiest_studin_world SG

You're probably chinese if.... (continuation)

Your parents are never satisfied with your grades.
You own a rice cooker.
You buy rice in 50 pound sacks.
You wash rice 2 to 3 times before you cook it.
You steam something on top of your rice while its cooking.
You have acquired a taste for bitter melon.
You like congee with thousand year old eggs.
You always carry a stash of food when you travel like preserved plums, beef jerky, or dried cuttlefish.
Your parents vehemently refuse the sack of gold coin oranges that their guests brought to be courteous.
You know what MJ means.
You pick your teeth at the dinner table, but you cover your mouth.
You have a piano in the living room.
You live in an apartment and your parents always want you to come home.
You have a rice cooker to check in at the airport when you travel.
You grow your own bean sprouts in the kitchen.
Your mother made you peel water chestnuts and snow peas.
You have an lonely unmarried relative who frequently drops by during dinner time.
You received little red envelopes containing money on special occasions.
You use the underside of a porcelain bowl to sharpen your knives.
You cut your own hairor had someone in your family do it.
Your grandmother has a lot of gold teethespecially in front.
You keep fresh garlic and ginger in the kitchen at all times.
You know what the term "lemon" or a "banana" means.
You only have to shave every other day (maybe).
You tell your friends that youre starting a new mustache when you really had it for several months.
You wash and reuse ziplock bags.
You save your childrens halloween candy and give it out the next year.
You either love or hate "mooncakes".
You know at least three people named Alan Wong.
Your parents constantly complain you use too much toilet paper when you go to the bathroom.
You hated that black herb medicine that your parents forced you to drink when you were sick.
Your parents have kitchen towels made of old cloth rice bags.
You never drank milk after eating cherries.
Youve swallowed those tiny "BBs" with hot tea for a tummy ache.
Your mother has a short-haired, curly perm.
Youve asked your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later theyre still lecturing.
You shop at 99 Ranch Markets.
Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends kids.
Youve had to sit through karaoke videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest, or library.
Youve had to eat parts of animals that they dont even put in hotdogs.
You have piles of shoes and slippers blocking the entrances to your home.
You have no eyelashes!
Your idiot friends try to impress you with pathetic imitation languages, like the ever so popular "ching chong woo bok chi"etc.
Your biology lecture on marine life (seaweed, octopii, sea cucumbers, etc.) was last nights dinner.
You have at least one family member who wears black wire or plastic framed glasses.
You have several relatives who wear glassesthick glasses.
You like $1.75 movies
You like $1.50 movies even more!
Your parents never kissed youyour parents never kissed each other.
Your friends ask you to translate the scribbles on chopsticks (like you really know what it means!).
You call all your parents friends "auntie or uncle".
You get nothing if you do well in school, but get in big trouble if you dont.
Your dad still pulls his socks up to his kneesyou know, the ones with the blue and pink stripes at the top.
Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow" into them and wear them for years to come.
Your family always cheer for the Asian athlete competing (eg. Michael Chang, Michelle Kwan, etc).
Your parents or relatives have goldfish swimming in an aquarium.
Your first generation relatives have a statue of an obese, bald-headed man surrounded by children.
Your parents collect jade jewelry.
Your friends from China think anything from the old country is considered "good stuff".
You know not to eat the oranges or tangerines arranged in a little pyramid.
You always drink tea after a meal.
Your dad owns at least one bird.
Your parents grow vegetables in a garden.
You use doilies to decorate your furniture.
Your friends automatically assume youre good at math.
You are good at math!!! (the hell with humility).
You know how to pick out the meat in watermelon seeds with your teeth.
Your grandmother rapped your knuckles with her chopsticks while reaching food with your fingers.
You are now planning to Email this list ASAP to another Chinese friend!

sexiest_studin_world SG

hey guys, i lurrve ch!nkese gals so no need to call me racist just because I'm a white caucasian stud.

they have soft butts, b00bs, thighs, sl.utty demeanor, high cheekbones, ugly face, flat noses, @ss, br.easts, and are cheap.

just enjoy them, these jokes are meant to be for fun oni lah.

everyone can laugh at the jokes not at you, why dun you join us in laughing oso? can or not?

dun call me racist one lah, i lurrve ch!nese wh0res/gals, really, just becoz i dun wan 2 fu.ck ch!nese guys doesn't mean i'm racist one oni, it means i am muscular masculine macho hetereosexual stud.

if dun wanna believe me, go ask your wife/girl friend, if they wan 18 inch di.ck stuffed up their p.ussy or not? they sure luuuurve it meh, dun u see bianca say she can't tahan ch!nese guys, only wan 2 suc.k white guy penis loh.

sexiest_studin_world SG

for homosexual chinese guys

Q: What do you call a Chinese homosexual?
A: Chew-man-chew.

SumOne SG

Don’t you get tired of proving how much of an arse you are? Why do you insist on showing people that how little you know about the real world?

xlinngx SG

n0rtt vehh funni.. i abit dun understand.. lols..~

SMAPLionHeart SG

thats really funny.

Laughing

Poisson SG

Its not meant to be understood in the 1st place lar....

tIfosI SG

To his credit some are actually quite funny especially the asian room service.

sexiest_studin_world SG

for homosexual chinese guys Mr. Green

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a Chinese homosexual?
A: Chew-man-chew.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

fymk SG

Actually I encountered whites with terrible english grammar and spelling. Frankly it amuses me when they try to show off how much better they are than us asians.

sexiest_studin_world SG

no offence meant to italians or anyone else. if you are easily offended then don't read these jokes....

Sophie just got married, and being a traditional Italian was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But mother reassured her.
"Don't worry, Sophie. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care of you."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Luca took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Sophie ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Luca's got a big hairy chest."
"Don't worry, Sophie", says the mother, "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Luca took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Sophie ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Luca took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up there, Luca took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Sophie saw this, she ran downstairs.
"Mama, Mama, Luca's got a foot and a half!"
"Stay here and stir the pasta", says the mother. "This is a job for Mama!"

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine, " retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi."

newmanmback SG

guys dun start let him write...the more he writes the little he proves...let him go on. his words will catch up with him one fine day.

by the way blacky.....u got any di ck? Mr. Green