5 Things Women Wish
Men Knew About Sex
By Tiffany Owens
Sexuality is a multifaceted, vital part
of being human, so why do men typically reduce it to performance,
performance, performance? It may surprise you to learn that The
Janus Report on Sexual Behavior states that just over one-third of
women (36 percent, to be exact) feel that a wide array of sex
techniques is a must for maximum bliss. With the advent of Viagra
and other performance-enhancing supplements sweeping the nation,
you may hold the new world record for time, but its a fact that an
engine needs proper maintenance to keep it functioning proficiently
year after year.
So, how do you keep your motorand herspurring? Heres five ways
to put your sex life back on the fast track.
Gentlemen, start your engines
Testosterone makes men go from zero to maximum speed in 60 seconds
or less. Keep in mind that while you may be a Ferrari, your female
partner is more like a Bentley. "Estrogen is slower and pickier,
and female arousal is much more gradual," says Deborah Blum, author
of Sex on the Brain. This extends to foreplay, which for her, isn't
what happens 10 minutes before the Main Event. Sultry French film
siren Brigitte Bardot once said that sex begins early in the
morning and ends when you go to sleep at night, meaning that the
way you treat her throughout the day can determine how things will
go later in the bedroom. If she sometimes has trouble getting into
a higher gear, you can blame it on stress or fatigue, but the real
reason might be that you're not warming up the engine
properly.
Alternative fuels
"A decline in your sexual health may mean something's wrong with
your overall health," says Hank C.K. Wuh, M.D., M.P.H., co-author
of Sexual Fitness. Overall, its the quality of what you put in the
tank that makes an engineor a bodyrun more efficiently. And
there's some encouraging news that the lifestyle program Wuh
created might: In a 30-day study of 25 men and women (median age
42), 82 percent said they experienced sexual desire more
frequently, 50 percent said their level of desire increased, and 40
percent reported an improved sexual relationship. Wuh's seven
strategies in a nutshell: eat a healthy diet that contains good
fat proteins, like soy products, nuts and avocados; take certain
herbs and vitamins, such as vitamin E for added circulation and
increased libido; avoid medications that can cause sexual
dysfunction; stimulate your senses; exercise regularly; get enough
sleep; and, most important, learn healthy ways to manage
stress.
Jump-start your heart
Not only will exercising 30 minutes a day make you look and feel
sexier, it will also increase your stamina and level of control,
according to Terry Mason, chief urologist at Chicagos Mercy
Hospital. "An enhanced body as a result of exercise provides visual
stimulation. Everybody wants somebody who visually turns them on,"
Mason explains. "Secondly, cardiovascular exercise increases
endurance, and that can be a paramount issue in being able to have
the level of intensity that the couple would like to have." In
addition, an October 2004 article in the Electronic Journal of
Human Sexuality concluded that individuals who exercise regularly
feel better about themselves, perceive they are more sexually
desirable and experience greater levels of satisfaction.
Schedule regular maintenance
While most guys know the maintenance schedule for their cars, few
know how often they should visit the doctor for regular tune-ups.
Even fewer want to go in for a check-up when a warning light starts
to flash. In 1999, the Journal of American Medical Association
surveyed 500 men of 25 years of age or older, which showed that 70
percent felt their doctor would dismiss any concerns about sexual
problems. In fact, the opposite is the case. Most health care
providers want men to learn and practice self-examination, discuss
any problems and schedule regular visits for early detection of
testicular or prostate cancers. And, to a woman, a willingness to
talk about and face your sexual problems head on only makes you
more of a man. Plus, like a well-maintained vehicle, wed like to
keep you around for those leisurely Sunday afternoon drives (and
occasionally smoke your tires) for many years to come.
Dangerous curves ahead
A 2002 survey by the University of Chicago, published in the
Journal of the American Medical Association, asserts that, in all
age groups, one in four American women does not enjoy sex, and one
in three men across age groups thinks he is sexually inadequate.
All the rest feel unhappy and dissatisfied because they think they
are not doing it right, not doing it enough or not doing it the way
their partners want them to. Why so much angst? First of all, stop
using the overtly sex-saturated media as your standard users
manual, in which everything is reduced to simple mechanics and
impossible standards. Ultimately, a healthy and satisfying sex life
is more about quality than quantity; its the vitality of the
relationship, personal preferences, creativity and the depths of
real passion we explore with our partner that makes the biggest
difference at the finish line.
