The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and upon learning
that the problem was Mr. Smith, they decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family and actually agreed that it was okay
for Mrs. Smith to do "it" with the man.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his
wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, completely by chance, a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good
morning madam. I've come to......"
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut
in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a
specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
seat."
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we
start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on
the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living
room floor is fun too.... you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Mr. Smith
and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But
if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven
angles, I'm sure uou'll be pleased with the results."
"My, my, that's a lot of .! ! ." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to
be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that,
I'm sure."
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith muttered.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of
his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus."
"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her
handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider
their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get
the job done right. People were crowding around, pushing to get a
good look."
"In the public and so open?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in
amazement.
"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
concentrate! Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just
packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your
um...equipment ?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod
so that we can get to work"
"Tripod??
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too
big for me to hold very long. Madam? Madam?.....Good Lord, she's
fainted!!.....
