i KNOW bear would appreciate this.... 
Sheila, the Aussie housewife got out of
the shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of
slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped, did the splits
and suctioned herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband
Bruce. "Bruce, Bruce" she yelled. Bruce came running in. "Bruce,
I've bloody suctioned myself to the floor" she said.
"Strewth" Bruce said and tried to pull her up. "You're stuck fast
girl. I'll go across the road and get Cobba" (his mate). They came
back and they both tried to pull her up.
"No way. We can't do it, let's try Plan B." Cobba said
"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce. "What's that"?
"I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we can break the
tiles under her and release the vacuum." replied Cobba
"Spot on" Bruce said. "While you're doing that, I'll stay here and
play with her tits."
"Play with her tits"? Cobba said, "Not exactly a good time for that
mate?"
"No" Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we
can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so
expensive".
