Originally posted by AzRaeL:
http://www.square-unlimited.org/articles/boobs.php
"The Perfect Breasts"
Boobs, tits, jumblies, watermelons, milk jugs, titalizers,
head-lights, big fat fu[b]ckin' titties, cleavers above
the beaver, whatever you call them, the human female breasts are a
masterpiece among natural--and sometimes artificial--wonders. A man
can find himself blankly gazing at them for hours, even days at a
time with his second head the only one to keep him company. Men can
get lost in them. They're far too powerful for our naked eyes to
vision without serious internal effects occurring. We're compelled
to awe at their wonder, their beauty, their amazing detail, design,
shape, bounce, and wondrous mystery about them.
Having said all this, how are we supposed to know what is a good
breast, and what is a bad one? Most of us would shout out the
answer that all we have to do is look. Some aren't as informed as
others, although. What is the perfect breast size? How does my
fantasy woman's breasts compare with the ideal breasts? If you're
interested in learning all this and more, read on, inquirers, and
learn of God's greatest creation.
Before I begin, as always, a general statement as to the content of
this description needs to be made. No where in this essay shall I
be discussing man-boobs, or breasts other than that of the human
females.
Shape - I cannot stress this enough, shape is what makes
the breast so attractive. Shape is extremely important, but it's
not what you're expecting, oh no. Let us imagine a profile of a
naked breast. It should not, I repeat, not be perfectly round. The
round breast hints of artificial origin and isn't as attractive as
a natural boob in the same position. Starting from the top of the
breast, it should flow in a fairly smooth y = negative x slope
until it reaches the proximity of the nipple, where the breast
should break inwards into a semi-circular parabola until it finds
the chest again. When something like this is achieved flawlessly is
when men will gladly do anything for a woman, especially if that
man is granted access to freely explore such a perfect breast first
hand.
Texture - The breast itself should be the smoothest thing you've
ever felt before. Silkier than silk, smoother than running your
hands through warm water, and softer than the skin on her ass.
There should be ABSOLUTELY no hair whatsoever! If you find some,
shave it off, pluck it, electrocute it, get rid of it. Hair on the
breast is a horrible horrible thing. Veins should not be very
noticeable in the very least. It's acceptable to have that large
vein on the mid-center viewable if the breasts are large enough,
but for the most part veins only tattoo the beauty with ugliness.
There should be no birth marks, moles, pimples, cheezits, or
imprints of stuff stuck in her bra on her breasts at all. The
perfect breast is pure, and is virgin to all things that try to
defile it.
Bounce - Boobs are sensitive and, like testicles, need some sort of
support when enduring extreme activities such as running, jumping,
or playing sports. Breasts bounce regardless of support much to our
excitement. Countless men each day run into poles, trees, and other
obstructions because they were busy staring at the vertical jiggle
of an attractive woman's jugs. The ripple of the jiggly puff should
definitely not be too watery, but should be described as a jell-o
type wiggle with each bodily movement. When playing with a pair of
breasts, remember that they can only stretch and be squeezed so far
before it actually causing your female companion pain. It's nice to
be rough with them, but not too rough. Be gentle with those
gland-ladened fun bags.
Size - A very important issue when discussing boobs is size. Size
should generously range from 26 to 36B or C. We'll consider the
'orgasmic' breasts to be at 36C for the sake of setting a perfect
boob. For all of those who beg to differ, allow me to elaborate
further. For each individual person, the size of the breast should
be big enough to where you can barely or cannot fit your hand all
the way around the front of the breast. Not to her chest, mind you,
but to the base of the breast. This grants access to easy play of
the cleavage in hand without losing too much leverage each time you
roll, squeeze, or move it around. Additionally, this is a perfect
condition for a pleasurable 'tit-fuck' when intimacy is at its
finest.
Outer Nipple - If you've ever been close up to a breast, you'll
notice little bumps all around the nipple on that pink perimeter
around the actual nipple. I'm not quite sure how to explain these
bumps, but they are quite welcome as long as they are not
excessively mountainous. Additionally, you've all seen the freakish
outer nipple perimeter's that are giant, nearly as big as your knee
caps. This is definitely unfortunate and is not part of the ideal
breast. The god's certainly know how to play a horrible joke on
someone. This pink flesh around the nipple should fit handsomely
into your mouth without too much stretching and should be no bigger
than that.
Inner Nipple - By far, the most important part of the breast. The
inner nipple should be erected to form a flat plateau-like surface,
not a crater as originally thought. It shouldn't be very long at
all and should be relatively small. A very enjoyable thing is
vigorously scanning the broad surface area of the breast in the
dark for that nipple, and she definitely likes it the same. The
nipple shouldn't be rubbery, and the salty taste should be at a
bare minimum. She thoroughly enjoys a good nibble now and then and
a definite flick of the tongue. Be sure to focus on the nipple when
discovering the perfect breasts.
And there we have it, the ideal set of hooters. Many women don't
possess a pair of these, but it is recommended that you check each
one you can get your hands on to test each condition thoroughly.
Put them to the breast test. Thank the lord for breasts; they've
made many of us happy men. Bless you, God, for cleavage. [/b]
OMG~ artistic.. 
