I guess most of the posts above have summed up the general
concensus of the "mature" pple in this forum.
one thing that came to my mind was this:
it doesn't matter whether u are upset about her lying to u for 2
years, or that she isn't a virgin which u hope ur wife to be, or
both. wat seems to bother me, or rather should bother u, is why she
had to lie?
if one partner has to lie to another to get accepted then it's all
wrong. maybe she was young and didn't understand that honesty and
sincerity is very very important, and that a white lie could just
solve everything. yes she truly likes/loves you, but she's afraid
of rejection (or anything else bad, for that matter) that she'd
rather lie to u than lose u. that, in essence, to me, is not
desirable in a stable relationship.
now we have to look at urself. are u imposing too much pressure on
her that any "wrong-doing" on her part will incur an irrecoverable
wrath from u? i dun think u seem like the type that will only have
ur coffee with two sugars and nothing else will go down your
throat. in other words, i'm sure u are more flexible than "i dun
care, my wife HAS to be a virgin". Bear in mind that i'm not
talking about just her virginity here. what i'm saying is that u
may have all these expectations on her that she feels if she can't
fulfil she'd rather lie than to lose u. i hope this is not the
case.
watever the case is, u both have to learn from this. i seriously
dun think this should be the cause of a break-up, or a sour point
in ur relationship. take this opportunity to get to know one
another better. ask her nicely why she lied in the first place.
assure her that u accept her for who she is, not for how well she
can lie about herself. that is of course, in the first place, u can
accept her for who she is.
talk it out nicely, u want her to live in happiness and security in
ur arms, not in fear of offending u. likewise, you dun wanna be
always thinking that she could lie to u about anything and that u
always have to be on the lookout for clues to her darker side.
living in a reln like this is just pure hell.
btw if i seem to be accusing u of anything above then i'd like to
disclaim myself if u could just put "ifs" and "mays" where such
statements exist.
overall, i think this can be a good thing that has happened. may u
both grow closer and in greater understanding of each other thru
this seemingly bad situation. you choose: u want to make this a
good learning experience, or keep harbouring unhappee thoughts.
it's one or the other, becos it won't be the same as the day b4 u
found out she wasn't a virgin.
