~jokes for MTYs~

Danisdead101times SG

At a bar in New York, the man to Ah Beng's left tells
the bartender," JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." and his
companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE."
The bartender approaches Ah Beng and asks," AND YOU, SIR?"
Ah Beng replies:" Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED."

Mr. Green

Danisdead101times SG

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on
quite for some time, Ah Beng proudly shows off the
finished puzzle to a friend.
"It took me ONLY FIVE MONTHS TO DO IT," Ah Beng brags.
"FIVE MONTHS? THAT'S TOO LONG," the friend exclaims.
"YOU ARE A FOOL."
Ah Beng replies," NO LAH, SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN
FOR 4-7YRS, LEH!"

Danisdead101times SG

Ah Beng took part in the Singapore Manhunt
Competition. During the Q&A segment, the host asks,
"Name a drink that begins with the letter 'G'."
The crowd shouts, "Gin! Gin!"
Others exclaim, "No it's Grape Juice!"
Another smart aleck yells, "Alamak, Gatorade!"
Host: "Quiet please."
Ah Beng laughs hysterically like a hyena before
replying, "C'mon man, you think I need your help? I
got more original answer: Guni!"(cow milk in Hokkien).

Danisdead101times SG

Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using
it when he encountered some problems. He decided to
use the 'Help' command.
After some tries, he became irritated and called the
computer retailer for support.
Ah Beng:" I pressed the 'F1' key for help?but it's
been over half an hour and still nobody has came to help me???"
Computer Retailer:...............

Laughing

Danisdead101times SG

In an English class:
Teacher: "Class, do you know the meaning of parents?"
Ah Beng: "Yes, teacher, it means father and mother."
Teacher: "Good. Can you give me an example?"
Ah Beng: "Sure. Cowboy's parents mean cowboy's father
and mother. Also can say
Cowboy's father is Cow Pay and Cowboy's mother is Cow
Boo. So together we say Cow Pay Cow Boo (KPKB)."
Teacher fainted...............

Very Happy

Danisdead101times SG

Ah Beng with his two red ears went to his doctor. The
doctor asked him what happened to his ears and he
answered," I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring
loh but instead of picking up the phone, I
accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my
ear. So kena loh!" "Oh dear!" the doctor exclaimed in
disbelief. "But?what happen to the other ear?"
"Aiyah! That stoooopid dumbo called back!"

Danisdead101times SG

Ah Beng and Ah Seng rent a boat and fish in a lake everyday.
One day, they caught 30 fishes.
Ah Beng said to Ah Seng," Mark this spot so that we
can come back here again tomorrow."
The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat,
Ah Beng asked Ah Seng," Did you mark that spot?" Ah
Seng replied," Yeah, I put a big X on the bottom of the boat,"
Ah Beng said," You stupid fool! What if we don't get
that same boat today !?!?"

Danisdead101times SG

Ah Beng and Ah Seng exited and locked the car in a
hurry, forgetting to remove the key which was in the
ignition. Realizing the mistake, Ah Beng asked," Why
don't we get a coat hanger to open it?"
"No, that won't work," answered Ah Seng." People might
think we're trying to break in."
Then Ah Beng suggested," What if we use a pocket knife
to cut the rubber, then stuck a finger in and pull up the lock?"
"No," said Ah Seng. "People will think we're too dumb
to use a coat hanger."
The "kan cheong" Ah Beng shouted," We better think of
something fast. It's starting to rain and the sunroof
is open!!!"

Danisdead101times SG

Ah Beng serving his NS overseas and far from home, was
annoyed and upset when his girl Ah Lian wrote breaking
off their engagement and asking for her photograph
back. He went out and collected from his friends all
the unwanted photographs of women that he could find,
bundled them all together and sent them to her with a
note stating the following:
"Regret cannot remember which one is you...............
please keep your photo and return the others."

Twisted Evil

Danisdead101times SG

Ah Beng and Ah Seng went to a hawker centre. Ah Seng
noticed the hygiene grades issued by the Ministry of
Health pasted at each stall and asked Ah Beng, "Eh,
the 'A', 'B', 'C' and 'D' stand for what ah?" Ah Beng
snorted and said, "Aiyah, this sort of thing you also
dunno! 'D' stand for 'delicious', 'C' stand for 'can
eat', 'B' stand for 'buay sai' (cannot) and 'A' stand
for 'Alamak'!"

Danisdead101times SG

Ah Beng ordered a pizza and the waitress asked if he
should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Danisdead101times SG

Ah Seng wants to make love with Ah Lian but he is
afraid that Ah Lian will get pregnant, so he
approaches his friend Ah Beng for advice. Ah Beng
said "Aiya, very easy one lah. Nah, take this packet of
condoms and follow the instructions, nothing will
happen one." So Ah Seng takes the condom and at night
makes love with Ah Lian.
Two months later, Ah Seng comes to look for Ah Beng
and tells him that Ah Lian is pregnant.
"Cannot be what, did you follow the instructions or not?" asks Ah Beng.
"Na -bei! Got lah. The box says "Stretch the condom
over organ before intercourse, I got no organ, so I
stretch it over my piano loh."

wonderwoman913 SG

hahahahah

BabyLover SG

Laughing

BabyLover SG

A Woman is lying on the road after being run over.
The driver of the car that knocked her down comes to her aid.
"Are you all right,love?" he asks.
"Your just a blur," she says. So my eyesight is clearly affected.
Concerned, the driver leans over the woman in order to test her eyesight.
"How many fingers have I got Up?" he asks her.
"Oh Shit!" she replies.
"I must be paralysed from the waist down as well !"

BabyLover SG

A man with no arms or legs is sunbathing on the beach.
He is approached by three beautiful young women who take pity on him.
The first woman says to him,
"Have you ever been hugged?"
The man shakes his head and she leans down to give him a big hug.
"Have you ever been kissed?" asked the second woman.
He shakes his head and she kisses him.
Rather abruptly, the third girl asks,
"Have you ever been f ucked?"
"No," says the man, his eyes lighting up.
"Well, you are now. The tide's coming in."

Dj_Shadow SG

Laughing

BabyLover SG

A teenager comes home from school and asks his dad,
"Whats the diffce between potential and reality?"
His dad thinks for a minute and says,
"I'll show you. Ask your mum if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars."
So the kid goes to ask his mum and sister.
Without hesistating, they answered, Yes!
The kid goes back to his dad and says,
"I hv got it. Potentially we are sitting on two million bucks-
but in reality, we are living with a couple of slags."

BabyLover SG

While patrolling his daily beat, a policeman notices an old lady
standing on a corner as a wind whistles through the street.
She's clutching her hat firmly to her head as the wind lifts her skirt,
which in turn is revealing her pants to the world.
"Look Madam," the copper says,
"while your holding onto your bonnet, your showing the whole world
your package down there."
"Listen, sonny" the sharp eyed old woman says to the copper.
"What your getting an eyeful of is 90 years old.
This hat however, is Brand New!"

SGpork SG

Laughing