***Buying paint from a hardware store...
Customer: Hi, how much is your paint?
Clerk: We have regular quality for $12 a gallon and premium for
$18. How many gallons would you like?
Customer: Five gallons of regular quality, please.
Clerk: Great. that will be $60 plus tax.
***Buying paint from an airline...
Customer: Hi, How much is your paint?
Clerk: Well, Sir that all depends.
Customer: Depends on what?
Clerk: Actually, a lot of things.
Customer: How about giving me an average price?
Clerk: Wow, that's too hard a question. The lowest price is $9 a
gallon, and we have 150 different prices up to $200 a gallon.
Customer: What's the difference in the paint?
Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference, it's all the same
paint.
Customer: Well, then, I'd like some of that $9 paint.
Clerk: Well, first I need to ask you a few questions. When do you
intend to use it?
Customer: I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off.
Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is $200 paint.
Customer: What? when would I have to paint in order to get $9
paint?
Clerk: That would be in three weeks, but you will also have to
agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue
painting until at least Sunday.
Customer: You've got to be kidding!
Clerk: Sir, we don't kid around here. Of course, I'll have to check
to see if we have any of that paint available before I can sell it
to you.
Customer: What do you mean check to see if you can sell it to me?
You have shelves full of that stuff; I can see it right
there.
Clerk: Just because you can see it doesn't mean that we have it. It
may be the same paint, but we sell only a certain number of gallons
on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price just went up to
$12.
Customer: You mean the price went up while we were talking?
Clerk: Yes sir. You see, we change prices and rules thousands of
times a day, and since you haven't actually walked out of the store
with your paint yet, we just decided to change. Unless you want the
same thing to happen again, I would suggest you get on with your
purchase. How many gallons do you want?
Customer: I don't know exactly. Maybe five gallons. Maybe I should
buy six gallons just to make sure I have enough.
Clerk: Oh, no sir, you can't do that. If you buy the paint and then
don't use it, you will be liable for penalties and possible
confiscation of the paint you already have.
Customer: What?
Clerk: That's right. We can sell you enough paint to do your
kitchen, bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you stop painting
before you do the other bedroom, you will be in violation of our
tariffs.
Customer: But what does it matter to you whether I use all the
paint? I already paid you for it!
Clerk: Sir, there's no point in getting upset; that's just the way
it is. We make plans based upon the idea that you will use all the
paint, and when you don't, it just causes us all sorts of
problems.
Customer: This is crazy! I suppose something terrible will happen
if I don't keep painting until Sunday night?
Clerk: Yes sir, it will.
Customer: Well, that does it! I am going somewhere else to buy
paint!
Clerk: That won't do you any good, sir. We all have the same rules.
You might as well just buy it here, while the price is now $13.50
Thanks for flying - I mean painting - with our airline.