Species 6: Procurator Headinsandia
Also known as: The "I don't want to hear it" Manager
Yes, one type from my original list of The 12 most dangerous
species of help desk callers has made it to this list. Perhaps the
help desk caller is, in fact, the manager of the same type or maybe
the help desk caller mutates into this type of manager when he or
she reaches the appropriate level.
P. Headinsandia is probably the manager of a department near you.
When the team gives an honest answer to an honest question about
the timescale of a project, she will throw up her hands in horror
and give the cry that clearly identifies the species. In fairness,
this manager takes the cares of the world on her shoulders and
worries about them. She lies awake at night fretting about
delivering the monthly reports on time. She presents herself as a
tough go-getter but is often covering an inadequacy. Be gentle with
this species, but most of all, ignore this type of manager. It's
easier that way.
Species 7: Procurator Buzzwordia
Also known as: The Buzzword Manager
Often found, after a long search, in deep water wearing the latest
Ralph Lauren concrete collection, Buzzwordia manages by use of a
string of clichés and ideas that he heard at management seminars.
Meetings with him are not for the weak-stomached, and it is
advisable to keep a bucket handy, just in case.
Think about the last person you heard say:
"There's no 'I' in team."
"Assume makes an ASS out of U and ME."
I cant spell success without U.
"I want us to be Proactive, not Reactive." (Of course, in this
context, "Us" means "You.")
Despite the extreme reaction this species can cause, they are
mostly harmless. They are prolific in Northern Europe, returning to
breed in sheltered colonies in suburban areas of minor towns.
Offspring usually opt not to work in management but may become
social workers or violent criminals. When this happens, they are
usually deemed to be "misunderstood."
Species 8: Procurator Amicus Potissimus
Also known as: The Best Mate
This is a well-padded, red-faced manager, given to back-slapping
and calling in favors, even before any are owed. He makes
unreasonable demands in the name of friendship and invites you to
his children's birthday parties, even though you can't stand kids
unless they have been barbecued.
Amicus Potissimus tends to overuse first names, even when using
them at all is not appropriate. Still, it is quite hard to be rude
to them. This species makes you want to slit your throat as they
ramble on about the fantastic time they had on their last sales
seminar or golf tournament. Although it is clear to anyone around
you that you'd rather be boiling in oil, the Best Mate assumes that
you share his interests.
